


The Aftermath Of Being Stupid

by ShipMistress



Series: I Should Go [3]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But it'll all end well, F/M, Hiccstrid - Freeform, Hiccstrid Proposal, Mistakes of the past, Modern AU, Original Characters - Freeform, Romance, SO MUCH ANGST!, Sequal to 'I Should Go'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2020-05-15 06:39:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 73,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19290271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipMistress/pseuds/ShipMistress
Summary: Two years after Hiccup and Astrid met again and the misunderstandings of those first days, they are now ready to get married. But when Hiccup's past catches up with him again, it threatens everything they'd planned and hoped for. Will their relationship survive this storm and will they be able to solve this problem?





	1. 00: Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to my story 'I should go'. I highly recommend reading that one first, as even this prologue contains major spoilers. I’d like to warn you though: Before I uploaded this, I edited every chapter; it’s been two years since I originally wrote all this, after all. ‘I Should Go’ (as well as the smutty extra part ‘My Games, My Rules’) aren’t edited, so the writing there is not as good as in my more recent stories.  
> This story contains two OCs. I could have used names already known to the fandom, Cami maybe or Merida, but refrained from doing so. Back when I wrote this, I don't really 'know' these characters well enough to let them behave accordingly, and by now, I feel like they deserve being alive in this small manner, at least.  
> And: This is just the prologue... I fear it might not make much sense now but will do so eventually... I will upload the other chapters here whenever I had the chance to edit them. Okay, enough bashing now, I hope you'll like it anyway. ;)

**00: Prologue**

**? **

She sat at her small kitchen table and stared down at her shaking hands. So, it was official now… She had talked about all this already, uncountable times, in fact. With doctors, with therapists, with the youth social workers… but it had all been theoretically at that time. Now, the test result had arrived, making it harsh reality –  and there was _nothing_ anyone could do about it.

She wanted to scream, to thrash, to kick and hit everything around her. This was not fair! Not after all she'd been through during the past ten years! She had given up her dreams and plans, had done everything within her power, had accepted and soon loved how her life had changed, and for what? Why in great Odin's name was _this_ happening to her now? It was so not fair…

Her tears were running freely now, these silent drops the only reaction she allowed herself least the other person in her apartment would notice anything. She wanted to keep this secret for as long as possible, didn't want to burden anyone else with any of this. Her tears were dropping down at this cursed letter and she glared at with pure hatred. It was stupid and she knew it, but for a moment she blamed her fate on this simple piece of paper and felt a little better with having found a culprit – even though it was a false one. She picked the letter up, crumpled it into a ball, and threw it across the room toward the trash can but only to have it land in a small, light green backpack next to it instead.

 _Well, almost…_ she thought to herself with an unnerved sigh and, seeking distraction, let her gaze wander toward the remaining mail on the table. There were mostly bills, as usual, and far too many of those for her taste, and an older newspaper. She hadn't been able to work during the past months and money started to become scarce. After this dreadful letter, going through the bills seemed so pointless… But she knew she'd have to do so eventually. Maybe those bills wouldn't affect her anymore but that didn't mean they wouldn't affect _anyone_.

 _But not now_ , she decided and picked up the newspaper instead. However, it was barely able to hold her interest. World politics, financial news, or the local section – nothing seemed of any importance anymore. She was about to get up and dump it all into the trash can, along with picking up the misdirected letter, since neither sports news nor the gossip column had ever interested her in the least when the picture on the front page of this last section caught her eyes.

Her heart skipped a painful beat and her breath left her in a gasp as she recognized the face on the paper and sagged down on the chair again. She closed her eyes and took a couple of calming breaths. She had to be hallucinating! Surely, this was just some random celebrity depicted there and her brain only had concurred up that face, stressed by the horrible letter earlier as well. She gulped and after one last deep breath opened her eyes again.

The picture hadn't changed.

With still-shaking fingers, she reached for the gossip column and read.

**_Ladies, brace yourself. The world's hottest bachelor is off the market!_ **

_Handsome, intelligent, funny, successful, rich, and hot as Hel!_

_That's how one best describes him. And although he was known to have a steady girlfriend for years, this news might shock many of those who were still hoping._

_Last weekend, Hiccup Haddock, heir of Dragonite Engineering, got engaged to his childhood sweetheart Astrid Hofferson. And although we're still waiting for an official statement, the new ring on her finger speaks volumes._

_From the good authority of close friends of their's, we got the statement that they crashed their friends' wedding with this news, stealing all the attention off of the newlywed couple. We can only hope this leaves no bad blood._

_Congratulations to Mr Haddock and Ms Hofferson!_

She lowered the newspaper onto the table again, staring unseeingly down at it. So she hadn't hallucinated after all. It _had_ been his face she'd recognized on the photo, even after all these years. Well, at least _his_ life had changed for the better since the last time she'd seen him, she thought bitterly.

After a few more minutes of thinking about this, her mood darkened further though.

Throughout all these years, she’d refrained from contacting him after he’d found a way out of that life neither of them had wanted.  She hadn't even tried to stay in touch, knowing fully well that their lives were just too different. Some of their former friends had been angry at him for his absence, but even though she knew that that wasn’t his fault – since he didn’t even _know_ the truth – she hadn’t corrected their bad opinion of him. Only once, she’d considered getting in touch again and ask for his help, when the bills had become too much for her to stem the first time. But when she’d found out that he was in a come after an accident, she’d given up that hope. He hadn’t been able to help her back then, obviously, and even though she heard that he eventually woke up, she didn’t try again.

But now… Now he was rich and successful and happy with his new fiancée, while she was… She gulped down the bile at her own thoughts. None of this was his fault, really, she knew that. But life was just so unfair!

She looked up at the low sounds that escaped the other room and grimaced. Maybe he wasn't to blame for any of this but it was still _his_ _fault_ , and surely he could be the solution right now, too, _especially_ in his current position. _Rich_ , the article had said. If nothing else, he could at least pay his part so _her_ life wouldn't become too miserable. She frowned in thought then, unsure how to approach him with this. Even with everything that had happened, she still thought fondly of him and didn't want to ruin his life. She actually _was_ happy for him, so approaching him openly and revealing the truth to him wouldn't do. He was too nice a guy, would involve himself too much, and surely his fiancée would not like that.

With a frown, she pondered her options and came to one silly solution. She could blackmail him. She could pretend to threaten him, get him to pay a certain amount of money and keep everything secret. Then he could keep living his happy life and she would be appeased, knowing _her_ life would change for the better as well, after… after…

A new wave of tears overwhelmed her then and the enormous weight of what she'd just planned to do hit her. But it was the only solution she could think of for this mess, the only way that held at least _some_ hope. It was wrong in so many ways, unfair and just plain evil, not something she would normally condescend to do. But this letter had made her desperate...

So she walked over to her small office room, sat down at her computer, and wrote another letter. She printed it out along with two photographs, one made only recently and the other more than ten years old. She put all three pieces into an envelope, sealed it and, after hesitating for a moment, wrote one line of words on the front.

With a heavy heart, she got up and walked over to the other room. The sounds of tools in use could still be heard and she opened the door after knocking reluctantly. Inside, she was met by a pair of light blue eyes that held entirely too much wisdom for their age and that were looking at her questioningly.

"Hey, darling. What do you think, shall we go on a little vacation?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, confusing prologue... ^^"


	2. 01 - How To Properly Propose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I'm so sorry that I forgot to update this. It's all written out for a long time already, I just need to make a few edits to every chapter then I can post it... But I keep forgetting this between all my other projects... >.<

 

 

** Astrid **

 

" _…stealing all the attention off of the newly wed couple…_?" Heather read out loud, disbelievingly, and looked up from the tablet in her hands. "When did _that_ happen? Why hasn't anyone told me? I obviously was too busy to notice how you stole all the attention.," she said in mock annoyance, and Astrid leaned back in her chair, took another sip of her coffee, and grinned at her friend.

They were sitting in the break room of _floor 50_ at Dragonite Engineering, _the dragon's lair_ , and had a lot to talk about. Two weeks had passed since Heather's and Fishlegs' wedding and Hiccup's proposal, but since the newlyweds had been on their honeymoon directly afterwards,  there had been no time to talk so far. Today was their first day back at work and Heather had wanted to see this infamous newspaper article so many people had mentioned to her already. Apparently, they'd really left their phones at home as to not be bothered by anyone during these two weeks and hadn't read any news either.

Reading this article on Monday after Heather’s and Fishlegs’ wedding had been a surprise, though. Astrid and Hiccup had no idea who these _close friends_ were supposed to be, and practically everything in this article was so far off the truth or highly exaggerated that Astrid hadn't been able to stop laughing for quite some time. Hiccup, however, had turned bright red in embarrassed whenever anyone mentioned this article and had practically banished it from the lair by Wednesday. Though truth be told... hardly anyone cared for this order.

The truth was that Hiccup had actually been very secretive about this whole affair. They had celebrated their friends' wedding with all the respect it deserved, had stood beside them in front of the altar as bridesmaid and best man, and although Hiccup truly was some kind of celebrity by now, he'd made an effort to keep himself in the background as it was his nature anyway. He'd followed his duty, though, and had prepared a felicitous speech about their shared past – without all the depressing details but with a lot of fun tidbits about the bridal couple, which only he had known until then. It had been a wonderful party with a lot of laughter, talking, and even dancing as they'd all practised beforehand. And only then, when the party was about to turn into something calmer, had Hiccup taken her hand and had let her out of the ballroom and into the beautiful gardens outside.

They'd walked through the warm night for quite some time, slowly as she'd taken her pumps off by then and went barefoot over the grass. They'd talked in low voices about this day that had begun quite stressed and exciting, how it had finally turned into this calm stroll, and all that had happened in between. They'd talked about flying and how Astrid now understood why Hiccup hadn't been able to abandon the _Dragonfly_ project. They'd talked about how crazy their lives had been so far, with their shared childhood, the agonizing years after High School, and about these wonderful last two years together.

Without her noticing, he'd led them into a hidden pavilion with a round stone bench around a small fountain where they sat down and idly watched the indicate rising and falling of the water. Hiccup then had started another topic and even though that topic itself would have puzzled her enough, the fact that he alternated between going pale and blushing fiercely and even started to stammer made her even more curious.

"So.. uh… Hea-Heather really… ahm… did look beautiful… d-don't you think?" Hiccup began and Astrid frowned at him, puzzled. They’d approached a similar topic earlier that day already, in his car, so she refrained from replying with a teasing comment this time and just blinked at him for a moment, curious as to where he was going with it this time.

"Sure, she did." Astrid agreed noncommittally. "But aside from the fact that she always looks gorgeous, every bride looks beautiful, I guess. A gown like that alone – and the meaning behind it – turns every bride into something special, and then there's this inner glowing every happy bride carries, that – are you alright?" She threw him a confused look as she noticed the glassy shimmer in his eyes and his accelerated breathing.

"Yeah… fine…" he mumbled shakily as he kept alternating between glancing at her and averting his eyes again. She steadily kept her eyes on him, though, questioningly, until he continued. "I-I just… just imagined how…" he gulped, a slight blush on his face now. "h-how you’d... look like… in a dress like that…"

She gaped at him, mouth hanging open and eyes wide. Was he serious? "Hiccup…" she began, heart beating rapidly. " Did… did you just…-" 

His eyes widened too, shocked. "Erm, no! No, I… I-" Fiercely, he shook his head, then stood up a moment later to walk up and down in this small pavilion. She watched him as he brushed with his hands over his face and ran his fingers through his hair, agitatedly, and her confusion grew even more. Her confusion, but also her pain. Because for a moment she'd thought, hoped really, he… would…

Suddenly, Hiccup stopped and turned toward her again, a determined expression on his face. He stepped closer to her again until he was right in front of her. Taking both her hands in his, he got down on one knee and his eyes caught hers, taking them prisoner as she was unable to look away. Her heart was racing and she swallowed once, head dizzy, intoxicated by this sudden change in his behaviour.

"Astrid, I love you!" he began, voice steady and sure now. "I have loved you for all my life and will do so for the rest of it as well. And you gave me hope… gave me a reason to believe you might feel the same, so…" He withdrew one hand from hers to reach into the inner pocket of his jacket and produced a small black box, covered in velvet. Astrid stared at it, eyes wide and heart pounding, and, when it sprang open after Hiccup pushed the lever, caught sight of a beautiful gem set on top of a golden ring. She gazed back up at Hiccup, eyes swimming with joy and all the love and adoration she felt for him.

"Astrid Hofferson, will you marry me?

...

Astrid smiled fondly to herself at these memories as she glanced down at her hand where his ring now sat. Even after two weeks, she wasn't entirely used to seeing and feeling it on herself, to wearing any jewellery, really. But Hiccup had chosen this one well. The gem, whatever it might be with this strange colouring of blue, turquoise and yellow, was small enough and ground into shape without sharp edges so she wouldn't get caught anywhere. The ring was perfect, delicate enough as to not draw too much attention and yet strong enough as to not break easily. And she loved it… It surely was not the usual diamond ring, not one would expect of an engagement ring and although it didn't look like much at a first glance, it surely must be valuable with this unique stone. It was a perfect representation of her fiancé, to her at least. Hiccup, too, was anything but usual and also not what one would expect from someone in his position. And he, too, was unique in so many ways and to her, he was valuable beyond any measure.

"Well, either way, I can't remember you ‘ _crashing our wedding’,"_ Heather tore her out of her reverie with an amused tone in her voice. "So no bad blood there on our part, right, Legs?" 

With an agreeing grunt, Fishlegs reached out and took the tablet with the article out of his wife's hand to read it, too. The break room was visited frequently by now, the two espresso machines on the far wall in constant use, and there was a never-ending trickle of people approaching them to congratulate Heather and Fishlegs again and to welcome them back. Because of this, Astrid hadn't noticed his approach and was pleasantly surprised when she suddenly felt a warm hand on her neck, caressing her lightly and sending tiny shivers down her spine. She hummed contently and leaned into his touch, eyes closing for a moment.

"Thank the Gods, you're back!" Hiccup exclaimed, the relief in his voice only partly teasing. "I'm not sure we would have survived another week without you, Heather!" 

Astrid grimaced at that, but secretly had to agree. She had learned a lot during the past two years but practically running an enterprise like Dragonite Engineering on her own like Heather normally did had been _hard_. It was good to have their friends back, but having them back _at work_ wasn't unimportant either.

"Glad to see you, too, _Hot-as-Hel_ ," Heather greeted him with a mischievous grin that made him groan in exasperation. He slumped down on the chair next to Astrid's with an irritated huff.

"Not you, too. Please!" He shook his head at Heather, unnerved, before he glared at Astrid. "Why did you show it to them? I thought I was through with that one," he all but whined.

Astrid was hard-pressed to bite back her laughter. She knew he wasn't enjoying this attention and she truly didn't want to make it harder for him. But in her opinion, all this fussing about him was hilarious and quite entertaining.

"I'm sorry, babe." She threw him an apologetic smile. "But they would have read it anyway and I really wanted to be there to see their reaction." She leaned over to give him a peck on the cheek, smiling. "And you know, I really like this description of you," she added with a mischievous grin.

 Hiccup gave her a wry smirk in return. "Especially the _successful and rich_ part, I guess?" he asked, winking at her, and she lifted her hand to give him a light punch as a response. But he knew her too well and caught her hand mid-swing, though only to place a light kiss on it's back instead. He threw her a loving look over their interlaced hands which she returned wholeheartedly, both lost to their surroundings for a moment. She would never get tired of their fooling around.

After a glance at the now unused espresso machine, he got up again, though. "Anyway, I just needed another coffee. Wouldn't want to interrupt your tea party. I'll be in our office in case you return to any sensible topics in the foreseeable future." He leaned down to place another butterfly kiss on her forehead but she twisted her head in the last moment to meet his lips with hers, engaging him in a deep lip lock instead. After a moment of simply enjoying the sensation of his lips against hers, she began to drag her tongue up and down his, suggestively, and gave him a low moan, hinting at later intentions. With satisfaction, she noticed the deep vibrations of an inaudibly low groan running through him as he returned her passionate kiss, cupping the back of her head with his hand as not to hurt her with the pressure.

"Get a room!" Heather laughed and Fishlegs grumbled almost incoherently. "To think people complain about newlywed couples…"

Astrid drew herself away from him then, grinning, and gazed up into his emerald green eyes that had become a few noticeable shades darker during the last seconds. He returned her gaze, chest heaving slightly and whispered, almost purring. "You are..." he didn't continue, though, and only gazed at her a moment longer, eyes dancing promisingly. Chuckling throatily, he shook his head at her, got up, and turned toward the espresso machines.

Her gaze followed him and she watched him prepare two oversized mugs of coffee from which he brought one over to her. "Take your time," he told her with a smile and glanced over toward Heather and Fishlegs, who were quietly talking to each other now. "But I need to get back to work. Final adjustment for the _Dragonfly_ and there are new requests for the _Pegleg_ as well." She grimaced at that name, hilarious as it was with all the high-tech, knowledge, and sheer _brilliance_ that thing contained, and saw the teasing glint in his eyes as he turned away. "See you later." He waved over his shoulder back at them and Astrid couldn't keep herself from teasing him once more as well.

"There's a stack of personal mail on your desk again. You might want to take a look!" She called after him and chuckled when she heard him groan in annoyance.

 


	3. 02: Personal Mail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On we go... ^^

** Hiccup **

At Astrid’s words, Hiccup groaned to himself and dropped his head in defeat. Gods, please, no more of this _personal mail_. As his assistant, it was usually Astrid’s job to go through his mail, but lately, he'd gotten more and more mail with the additional _personal_ or _private,_ and she'd refrained from opening those for him. At first, he hadn't seen the point of this; their _working relationship_ was so far from being usual, and there was nothing he would keep from her anyway. He’d gotten mail like this before and those had mostly been requests to participate in certain projects or others without it being an official offer.

But he had to admit that these letters he got lately were different, and he understood why Astrid wouldn't want to open them. Hel, _he_ didn't want to open them, either! There were still the project requests and lately there were congratulating notes for their engagement by business partners as well. But those letters could easily be identified at first glance and sadly didn't make the entirety of this _personal mail_. A not all that small part of these letters contained love letters, salacious offers, and sometimes even photographs that could only be called pornographic. He would have liked nothing more than to dump the whole stack into the trash bin, but he understood that he at least had to take a look… For every now and then, there were also hate letters and intimidation. He'd even gotten threats to his life a few times and occasionally there were those who threatened to harm Astrid as well. And although most of those were probably just empty boasting, he wanted them to be thoroughly investigated nonetheless.

With a sigh, he sat down at his desk and, after taking a big sip of his coffee, got back to work. There was a lot left to do; the past two weeks had been demanding. It was _really_ good to have Fishlegs and Heather back again as he and Astrid had agreed to take over their work as well for the duration of their honeymoon. This had left them with barely any time left at all though, and while Astrid had worked practically triple shifts to get everything done, he himself had been far lazier and had neglected his own projects in favour of Fishlegs'. She really deserved this day off, even though she'd chosen to come here anyway to chat with Heather. But then, there was also that other appointment she and Heather had later today...

Not for the first time, Astrid’s _eagerness_ made him smile to himself. She could have used this day to relax or to get back on her missed training, but instead, she'd wanted to start planning. They were at one with not wanting to delay their wedding unnecessarily, but apparently, she wanted to finish the arrangements at record speed.

His thoughts kept swirling around this topic, thoroughly distracting him from his work. He didn't want their wedding to be that big of an event, and knowing Astrid she probably thought the same. He suspected, however, that they wouldn't get away with a small wedding that easily… Valka would make sure of that! 

His brows furrowed at the thought of his _mother_. After she'd learned of their engagement a day belatedly, she'd directly started to make plans of her own, suggested locations and arrangements suitable for an occasion like this. Suitable in her opinion, at least. If it was up to her, their wedding would be the event of the year with hundreds of guests. Well, she was in for a disappointment then, but this really was just the latest point on a long list of her strange expectations.

Ever since Valka had announced him to be her heir as CEO, dragging him into the public eye, the yellow press had chosen him as their defenceless victim. Or they had fallen in love with him, as Astrid called it… In the beginning, it had been disturbing to read a new article about himself every other week, to have gossip reporters lurking in front of their apartment building, and to see pictures of him – alone or with Astrid – every now and then on the front page of one magazine or other. But after a month or so, especially the stream of reporters had abated and their life had regained at least _some_ normalcy. Astrid had suggested that probably _the dragon_ had interfered, making sure her son would not be overly bothered, and maybe she was right there. It was just the type of kind-of-caring gesture this powerful woman was capable of, acting out of the background instead of interfering personally.

But that didn't change the fact that Hiccup had become some kind of involuntary celebrity, and he wasn't enjoying this attention. _Not at all!_ If it would have been up to him, he would have kept working in the small office he'd shared with Fishlegs, being just another creative engineer among the rest of them on _floor 50_. And although he liked the freedom of choosing his own projects and especially working with Astrid, he was well aware of the fact that Valka was trying to mould him into a shape he just didn't fit in.

Sighing, Hiccup shook his head. There really was no point in trying to work right now. The happy thoughts of their engagement and the unnerving ones about practically everything else kept distracting him, and with a grunt, he shut down the files on his tablet. He needed something else to occupy his mind, something less demanding, something…

_Ah, who am I kidding?_ he mentally berated himself. He needed _Astrid_. His safe haven, his grounding anchor, his light in the darkness. Two years into their relationship hadn't been enough to soothe away his fears of being alone, of losing her again. She was all that kept the craziness and darkness of this world at bay. These two weeks had been bad, with entirely too little time for each other, especially considering their new status and with that kind of _explosion_ their last stress-induced separation had ended. He wanted, no, _needed_ her to be around, needed her smile to lighten his life. Looking up at the door, he considered going back to the break room, to endure their teasing just to be near her. _Man, you're pathetic!_ he thought, and not for the first time in his life.

Exasperated at himself, he reached for the messy stack of _personal mail_ placed at the edge of his desk and began to sort through them. Undemanding and able to occupy his mind in other ways, the perfect work for now, although still not a pleasant one. There were those envelopes which had the logo or name of some company or other printed on the cover or written inside the envelope window. Those were safe letters and he opened them first. As expected, they held mostly project requests, mainly for the _Pegleg_ and even the inquiry whether he intended to build something similar for arms and hands as well. He rolled his eyes at this a little. _Of course,_ that was only the logic consequence, and Legs and he were long since engaged in this project.

There were two ornate envelopes, too, and those were fairly safe as well, being congratulations obviously. One of them made him grin, though. It came from one of the college tutors he'd worked with and had only recently talked to again as well, at the wedding. Aside from congratulating him though, he also reprimanded him for not telling him of the engagement back then already. He'd left early and obviously had read this dreadful article as well, because he also berated him for his inappropriate timing and for _crashing the wedding_. Hiccup groaned at this. There hadn't been anything like _crashing the wedding_ , dammit! And even if then it would have been Heather's fault, entirely!

She’d known that he wanted to propose to Astrid after all, and although she'd also known it would be their anniversary, she’d chosen that day as their wedding day nonetheless. Yes, _entirely_ her own fault. And he was pretty sure nobody would have noticed anything that day anyway if Heather hadn't started squealing the moment they returned to the ballroom and had come running toward them, dress and bridal vale flapping behind her, to inspect the ring on Astrid's finger. Again, her fault entirely…

If it would have been up to Hiccup, they would have kept their secret for a few days, would have savoured it just between the two of them before telling their friends and fam– 

Hiccup grimaced at his own thoughts. Well, there was no family to tell, really. Valka was the only blood relation left to either of them, and even she wasn't much of _family_ to speak of. There had been his aunt, his father's and Uncle Gobber's sister, but she had never shown him much kindness and then she'd died in the same accident that had caused Uncle Gobber's and Astrid's parent's death. And her husband, his son by his former marriage, and the whole Jorgenson Clan had been even worse. No, they really had no family to care about. Not until they started their own, that was...

A small smile crept over his face at this thought. Astrid was still on the Pill as far as he knew, though when and if she'd discontinue was up to her. They'd talked about this already, about whether and when they'd want to become parents. Hiccup himself had never thought much about becoming a father before, with never having experienced how it was to have real parents himself. Gobber had been a great replacement, but that still wasn't the same. But being with Astrid had stirred up those ideas, images of her with a baby bump, eyes shining with love, and of holding a sleeping child of theirs in his arms. The mere thoughts had been overwhelming, and so he'd raised this topic a few months ago. She'd been surprised that much had been obvious, though whether in a good or a bad way, she'd been able to hide from him, and he'd dropped the topic again.

A few days later then, she'd brought it up again herself though, but with some obvious uneasiness. She'd said that she’d never thought about it all that much before, that she couldn't see herself as a mother right now, and had asked him to be patient as she needed more time to think about it. And _of course_ he'd agreed. There was no rush, after all. And after he'd explained that he'd mentioned the topic not out of a current interest but rather in general, she'd relaxed immediately.

In the end, they agreed on Astrid to be the one to decide the right time. It was her body after all. And in their current situation, there really was no good or bad timing. So Astrid would discontinue the Pill when she was ready. Even whether she'd tell him or not when she did was up to her in the end. He didn't want to put any pressure on her. He just wanted her to be happy.

Appeased and mentally strengthened by these thoughts, he turned toward the remaining three envelopes. The first one was especially bad; even the envelope was pink and perfumed with a strawberry scent. Surely, he could dump that one directly, right? He didn't want to read another love letter by some woman or girl who didn't even know him. But he dutifully opened it nonetheless and quickly scanned the content. As expected, it was a love letter – and a particularly embarrassing one, too. Without a second thought, he dumped it into the trash bin and turned toward the second envelope. It was rather nondescript and businesslike in comparison, name and address printed on the envelope by machine, and after he opened it he relaxed slightly. It was just another request for the _Pegleg_ , though not by some company but by a young couple who asked for one for their daughter. Hiccup put that one aside for further investigation. They had a program for those in need after all. It wasn't up to him, but maybe they were lucky. He hoped so.

The third letter was a strange one, though. It had neither stamp nor postmark on it and instead of an address, there was only one line of words written on the front in simple handwriting.

_Personal! For the attention of Mr Hiccup Haddock_

That was all. It was not uncommon for these personal letters to be thrown into the mailbox at the entrance down below directly, but then those normally weren't this formal. With a frown, he opened the envelope and when he pulled out the letter inside, two smaller pieces of paper fell out and onto the desk. He picked them up and when he realized they were photographs was almost afraid of what they would show. He’d seen his share of unexpected photos by now… But as it turned out, these were harmless. The first one showed a girl of maybe 10 years with straight blonde hair pulled into a ponytail and grey-blue wide-awake eyes. He looked at it, puzzled, but shrugged and inspected the second photo. It took him a moment to realize that this one showed _himself_. Gods, this had to be _years_ old, taken in another life, a strangely free but unhappy one. His fingers trembled as his eyes went to the girl he held in his arms on this picture. She had the same straight blonde hair as the girl on the other picture, and although one couldn't see it on this photo, he remembered her light blue eyes all too well.

Exhaling unsteadily, he stared at these two pictures. His quick mind could only come up with one single explanation why anyone would send him these two photos, nothing else made any sense. 

But that wasn't possible! 

It wasn't! 

Was it..? 

He reached for the letter he'd dropped, and as he began to read, heart pounding rapidly, his eyes grew wider and wider.

 


	4. 03: What Makes All The Difference

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure I already mentioned this before... but all this was actually written _before_ "My Game, My Rules". So, with the new, more sensible reading order, you already have a far better understanding of Hiccup's background. My apologies then when some things seem boring or obvious now... ^^"

** Hiccup **

After reading through the letter, Hiccup could do little but stare down at it for quite some time. He swallowed, hard, and his lips were moving of their own volition, he trembled, and his head felt like it was full of cotton wool. He felt numb… his numb fingers couldn't hold the letter any more and it landed on the desk, his numb mind couldn't think, couldn't find an explanation or solution, and his numb heart couldn't feel, couldn't react in any way. It was just _too much._

She claimed that… that… this girl… That he was…

No! No, that was _impossible!_ He would know, wouldn't he? He glanced back at the photo of the girl and tried to find some resemblance, anything, but found nothing. She looked just like her mother, with her wispy blonde strands…

Trying to calm down and get a clearer head again, he took a few deep breaths, in and out until the room around him stopped spinning. , before he read the letter anew. This time, he did it with a much calmer mind and, combined with what he remembered of her and their life back then, a new picture began to form in his head. One that made him angry.

If she needed money, she simply could have _asked._ They’d been good enough friends that he would have tried to help her, even after she'd rejected and ignored him – just like the rest of his _friends_ when he turned down their lifestyle of partying and carefree fun. There was no need to come up with a ridiculous story like this. Her father… Knowing how their life had been back then, _anyone_ could be that girl's father!

He glared at the letter one more time, eyebrows furling. She told him to transfer the said sum to an account that belonged to one Elizabeth Johnson, the girl presumably. As long as he did this, she promised to never bother him again, but if he refrained from doing so, she'd contact his _beautiful fiancée_. Obviously, she thought he would keep something like this hidden from Astrid, would simply pay and get on with his life. But that was out of the question! If there was one thing he'd learned by now, then it was to trust Astrid with everything. In the unlikely case that this was true, that this girl really should be his daughter, then…

Then what?

He took another deep breath and tried to think it through. What would that mean? He knew far too well what it meant to have a parent that didn't care. In case this girl really was his daughter, then he wouldn't – no, _couldn't_ do to her what Valka had done to him. Whatever her mother had told her about her father, she needed to know that she wasn't unwanted.

But was that true?

Hiccup closed his eyes as his breathing began to come out ragged and his body began to shake all over again. He didn't _want_ this to be true. He didn't want this girl to exist, not if he really should be her father. He wanted to be with Astrid for the rest of his life, wanted to raise a family with _her_. He didn't want anything else. He didn't want this girl and her mother to be a part of their life…

A strangled sob escaped him at this thought. It was just too close to what Carina had suggested in her letter. How easy it would be to simply pay her off and then ignore the incident, to never think of it again. No one would ever need to know…

But he would know… and so would this girl. She would grow up, believing she was unwanted… If necessary, he could ignore everything else, but not this, not with knowing just too well how that felt.

There had to be another solution! _Oh Gods, please!_ he begged mentally. _Please let there be another solution!_ He could think of none, though. Not with the little information he had. He needed to learn more… needed to know… He needed to talk to Heather!

With a jolt, he got up and walked toward the door. If there was one person who could find more information on Carina and this Elisabeth then it was probably Heather. It wasn't fair to burden her with this in addition to her usual work, especially now when she'd be busy getting back on the things she'd missed during the past weeks. And it wasn't fair to burden her with this knowledge –  these suspicions, really – when she wouldn't be allowed to tell anyone.

Because, no, he wouldn't keep this secret from Astrid… But he wouldn't burden her with his fears as long as he had no proof either. Because chances were high that he wasn't this girl's father after all.

Feeling at least _a little_ more confident, Hiccup left the office he shared with Astrid and walked over toward Heather's office instead. He'd seen her passing his earlier as she'd returned to her work as well, leaving Astrid with Fishlegs. Within their small group, these two were the ones who had the least in common and under different circumstances, Hiccup would have wondered what they could be talking about. But not today…

"Heather?" he asked after he'd knocked once against her open door frame. "Do you have a moment?" He could see how busy she was and the grunt with which she answered showed him how distracted she was, too. But when she looked up at him a moment later, she stilled and squinted at him. She must have seen something through his admittedly rather poor façade, for she immediately got up and walked toward him.

"What's up?" she asked and her tone made clear that she knew there was _something_.

 He took another deep breath and, with only slight hesitation, reached for the letter and the two photos inside his pocket. But he didn’t get to finish the motion.

"Hey, babe! You're taking a break, too? Are you coming with us?" Astrid wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, nuzzling against his back and causing him to freeze mid-movement. 

Heather, who could see and read his expression, raised an eyebrow at him. "We're going to Carlo's for lunch," she explained slowly, giving him time to recompose himself. "Astrid left me with far less work than expected, and thanks to you, Legs is good on time for today as well. So we wanted to celebrate a little. Are you in?"

Hiccup closed his eyes for a moment, mind working rapidly. He wanted nothing more than to spend some time with Astrid and their friends, to just laugh and have fun and distract himself from the piece of paper that felt like it was burning a hole through his jacket and into his skin. But he wouldn't be able to keep up a calm front, not in his current state or for that long a time. Judging by the look Heather gave him, he probably wasn't even able to do so now…

"Ahm…" he started weakly. "No, I… I still have a lot to do." It was a lame excuse and he knew it, but it was the best he could come up with. He turned to give Astrid a fleeting kiss and hurry back toward their office, but she wouldn't let him do so. She held him in place, arms still firmly around his midst and scrutinized him.

"Hiccup?" she began, voice steady and earnest. "What happened?" 

As always, she saw right through him. He loved her even more for this, for knowing him so well. But he couldn't tell her, not now, not here…

So he just shook his head slightly, eyes closing for a moment. "I'll tell you later," he promised in a weak voice, and after a moment's hesitation, she nodded with a concerned expression on her face. 

She drew back her arms, releasing him, but only to stretch and place a quick kiss on his lips. "Until later then," she breathed, voice heavy with worries.

His attempt at giving her a reassuring smile felt false and weak as he stood and watched them making their way toward the lifts. His eyes never left her just like she refused to draw her gaze away from him, walking practically backward. There was apprehension on her face, and int hat moment, he hoped more than ever that this letter was nothing but a sick joke.

**. o O o .**

"Is this possible?" 

Valka's voice was sharp as ever, cutting right through him, and by now, Hiccup deeply regretted having come to talk to her in the first place.

After Astrid and the others had gone out for lunch, he'd returned to their office, but only to walk up and down like a lion in a too-small cage. He actually _had_ gotten a few curious glances through the glass walls and had eventually stopped pacing. But what should he do now? Carina had left him with no possibility to contact her at all, and his own research for her couldn’t exactly be called successful. He had nothing but the data from the account, and the bank had refused to give him any more information about the owner. He would have to wait for Heather and her talented fingers on the keyboard to learn more…

Simple waiting had turned into torture, though, and in the absence of any other possibility, he'd decided to ask Valka's opinion about this letter. Which turned out to have been a horrible mistake…

"Hiccup!" she called out for him now. "Is this possible?"

Was it possible? Gods, yes it was… He’d been young and stupid and lost in a life without any rules. Only dimly, he’d been aware of the possible consequences, and her assurances had done the rest…

He leaned forward, propped his head on his hands supported by his knees, and bit his lower lip. He remembered her words well; about how they knew each other well enough to not use condoms, about how they could trust each other that they would always use them with one night stands. And he _knew_ that she’d been on the pill, so neither of them had concerned in any way. But with all the partying and drinking… yeah, he’d been incredibly stupid! But at the time, her words had been enough to convince him, over and over again…

"Hiccup!" Valka's voice was close now, and he looked up at her the moment she reached out for his shoulder to shake him. In her free hand, she still held the letter, partially crumpled by now by her iron grip. " _Is. This. Possible?"_ She glared at him with her all-knowing eyes, and he wouldn't get around answering her this time.

"I don't know…" he said grudgingly. Valka snorted and started to pace in her office.

"You don't know?" she inquired angrily, causing Hiccup to flinch. " _YOU DON'T KNOW?_ How's that possible? Do you want me to explain this to you? I never thought that would be necessary…"

Now it was Hiccup's turn to glare at her. Her words could have been understood as a joke but Valka Dragonite never made jokes! "Gods, yes!" He leapt to his feet and yelled at her. "Yes, it is possible, alright?" And as suddenly as this outburst had come, it was gone again. Hiccup slumped back done into the seat, face buried in his hands. "Yes, it is possible" he repeated, mumbling. "Unlikely… but possible…"

For a moment, it was utterly silent in the big room and when Valka spoke again then, her voice was as calm and businesslike as ever. "Then we'll deal with this!" she said and turned back to her desk. "The sum is ridiculously small considering what you'd have to pay if she were to drag you to court. Of course, then she'd have to _prove_ you're the father of that girl, but either way, your reputation would be ruined. We can't let…"

Hiccup didn't listen to her anymore. _What_ had she said? "My… reputation?" he asked, whispering, disbelieve plain in his voice. But Valka didn't seem to have heard him and just kept on babbling. He heard her talking about making the remittance to appease Carina and sending out private detectives to look for mother and daughter, of getting a DNA sample to make a paternity test, and of making sure, all for once, that this topic wouldn't bother him ever again. He heard her, but he was barely listening.

"My _reputation?"_ he asked again, louder and angry, and this time Valka paused and looked at him. "Is that all you care about? My reputation? What about Carina and what she'd been through? What about this Elizabeth? What about Astrid? What about _me_?" The last word came out strangled and weak. Who cared about his reputation, when so many lives were about to be wrecked by his foolishness? People called him brilliant, but how was it possible then that he kept causing chaos over and over again with his sheer and utter _stupidity?_ He buried his face in his hands again, tearing at his hair. Why couldn't he stop being stupid, dammit?

Valkas words then were calm, but they had a glint of emotion in them he rarely got to hear. "Your reputation became the reputation of this company. And I care about it just like I care about you. I care about Astrid as well, and you know that. But forgive me that I cannot care about a stranger and her offspring who try to blackmail you and who's simple existence causes you so much pain. The wisest solution would be to simply give in to these demands and be done with it!"

Hiccup gulped. Her words made sense. So much sense… So easy... He closed his eyes, trying to hide from himself.

**. o O o .**

Hiccup was back in his office, and for the first time since this room became his, he'd activated the camouflage within the glass to keep the curious glance outside. He alternated between pacing through the room and sitting motionless at his desk, between tearing at his hair and staring lethargically into the air. His thoughts were turning around in circles, never getting anywhere. He wanted to follow Valka's suggestions. He wanted nothing more than to pay Carina off, give her as much money as she needed, and forget he ever received her letter. If it would have been something else, _anything_ else, he probably would have done just that. Carina had been the nicest one, the only one he would ever really call a _friend_ of his acquaintances back then, but by trying to blackmail him, she'd lost that status. If this had been only about her, he would do what Valka had said.

But it wasn't.

This was not just about him, his finacée, and his kind-of-ex-girlfriend. There was this girl, Elisabeth, and she made all the difference. Because of her, he had to know…

He needed Heather, dammit!

Frowning, Hiccup glanced at his watch. What took them so long anyway? Shouldn't they be back by now? Time had lost all meaning for him today, but they actually were gone for more than two hours.

Hiccup reached for his phone and dialled Astrid's number – but couldn't reach her. He frowned, a little puzzled. Maybe they were driving through a dead spot right now – although he didn't know of one on their way to or from Carlo's… He tried again, but with the same result. Could her battery be dead? Possible… He tried Heather's phone instead, knowing she was practically always available, but only to get the same result.

Suddenly nervous, Hiccup dialled the last available number, and an almost painful wave of relief washed through him when Fishlegs answered immediately.

"Hey, Hiccup!" his friend greeted him. Maybe he even wanted to say more, but Hiccup interrupted him.

"Hey, Legs! Where are you guys? Shouldn't you be back by now? Or are you dallying on purpose? Did Carlo persuaded you to get a dessert again?" he added in an attempt to be cheerful, but even in his own ears it sounded lame, and Fishlegs didn't react to it anyway.

"Yeah, well…" Fishlegs hummed and hawed a bit before answering. "Actually, we never made it to Carlo's." He paused, and Hiccup could practically see how his friend would be uncomfortably scratching his neck right now.

"Legs, what's up? Where are you?" he inquired, urgency now clear in his voice.

"Uhm… " Fishlegs made, still buying time before finally answering. "In the hospital?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No comment on this city's citizens and their ability to operate cars... xD


	5. 04 - Lissy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I'm not so mean as to drag out posting longer than necessary.  
> (In fact, editing this story is a GREAT way of procrastinating my main project... 😬)  
> And you'll see, the cliffhanger could have been _much_ worst. (In my opinion at least.)  
> Besides, when I originally wrote this story, there was one chapter per month. At best! ^^

** Hiccup **

Hiccup didn't really remember how he'd made it to the hospital. His head was a mess, crammed with too many things at once to deal with them accordingly, and concentrating on the traffic around him hadn't been that big a priority… It certainly would have served him right if he'd ended up in an ambulance as well.

But that was a problem he _definitely_ didn’t have the nerves to worry about now. What had brought Astrid and their friends to the hospital again? They'd spent far too much time there already during the last two years, for his taste at least, with the attack, his new leg, and the long long rehab. Did they have an accident? Had there been an attack? One of the hate letters, those who threatened to harm Astrid? Fishlegs had assured him that neither of them was seriously injured or hurt but Hiccup had been too keyed up to listen closely. He'd just grabbed his jacket and hurried toward the lift, to his car, and on toward the highway. He should have let Fishlegs finish speaking… But he'd wanted to reach them as fast as possible, to be with Astrid, to make sure she was alright…

"Ah, good day, Mr Haddock," the receptionist greeted him with a smile as he entered the lobby. He really _had_ spent far too much time here… "What can I do for you?"

Hiccup struggled for a moment to remember her name. He knew that he knew it… but being civil was just not that easy right now…

"Good day, ahm… Sally" he finally read her nameplate. "ahm… Ms Hofferson and Mr and Mrs Ingerman are supposed to be around here somewhere. Do you know anything about that?"

The woman frowned slightly and glanced at her display. "I… don't remember seeing their names here…" she said slowly as she checked her entries and then shook her head. "No, I can't find them anywhere. Are you sure they are here?" No, he wasn't… he wasn't sure of _anything_ anymore! He pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers, trying to think. If they weren't here, where else could they be?

At that moment, Sally's colleague approached them, obviously having overheard their conversion. "None of them got officially admitted," she said with an apologetic smile. "But I saw Ms Hofferson earlier. They were heading for the outpatient department. We could call–"

But Hiccup was already gone, running out of the hall and down the corridors. _At least!_ he thought. _At least the outpatient department and not the ER…_ He knew his way around here far too well for his taste, but right now it came in handy as he dashed around corners and past stunned people.

When he reached the waiting room of the outpatient department, his heart sank for a moment, even as a part of him hated himself for it. He saw Heather and Fishlegs in perfect health, sitting there and chatting as if they were in a café or something while Astrid was nowhere to be seen. He was _glad_ to see his friends unharmed, dammit!

They both looked up at him when he approached them and simultaneously raised their arms to indicate a door across the corridor, even before he had the chance to breathlessly utter, "Astrid?" Without another word or glance, he ran toward it and dashed inside, without knocking or hesitating for even a single moment – and wanted to hit himself in the next. This was a _sickroom_ , for Odin’s sake! He should have knocked, should have waited. But now it was too late. Luckily, she hadn't woken up.

Thunderstruck, Hiccup stared at the slender figure in her bloodstained clothes as she lay on the bed, above the cover, asleep or unconscious, which one he couldn't tell. A thick bandage was wrapped around her head, covering probably a laceration as her blonde stands were partially crusted thickly with dried blood. His head was spinning, vision dizzying and his heart pounded rapidly. What in Thor's name –

"Hiccup?" sounded an all to familiar voice from behind him and slowly he turned around to stare at her, unable to take any more.

* * *

 

**(AN: My original plan here was to end the previous chapter at this point. But I’m not _that_ evil…)**

* * *

 

** Astrid **

Astrid leaned against the sink and stared unseeingly into the mirror. She wasn't sure what to make of this, how to deal with this. It was… _too much!_ Too much to take in, too much to deal with all at once, too much to think about now. She needed more time. And more information. And first of all, she needed to talk to– 

With a loud _Bam_! the door opened and someone stormed into the main room. Astrid raised her head, irritated by the noise. This was a sickroom and she was finally sleeping, dammit! Quickly, she sprinkled a few more drops of water onto her face and neck to calm down a bit and then left the small bathroom attached to the main sickroom. Whoever it was who dared to make such riot in _this_ sickroom particularly was in for some serious trouble. She prepared herself for a good scolding, brows furrowed and lips pressed into a thin line, when she recognized her favourite patch of tousled auburn hair.

"Hiccup?" she asked, bewildered. Why was _he_ here all of a sudden? He turned toward her, eyes wide and face as pale as a ghost.

"Astrid?" he gasped, and she noticed him shaking vigorously. Before she could react in any way, he was on her, holding her in a tight embrace and panting into her hair. "Oh, thank Thor! You're alright!" He drew her even tighter toward him, and she raised her arms to tentatively return his embrace.

"Of course I am, silly," she chided him with a light chuckle. "Why wouldn't I? Didn't Fishlegs call you?" She rubbed his back, soothingly. Why was he so keyed up like this? There had been something up with him earlier as well, but this now…

"What? No, he… didn't…" Hiccup drew himself away from her to inspect her face, searching for what she did not know, and eventually lingered on her arms and her chest where the bloodstains were the most obvious. He gulped and his hands on her arms began to shake again. She led him toward the two chairs placed at the side of the room and made him sit down; he was hyperventilating now, eyes glued to the red spots on her blouse, and she knew this behaviour all too well.

"Hiccup?" she asked intently, trying to draw his attention back to her eyes. His gaze flickered back and forth, his breathing still too fast and shallow. She frowned slightly. Quite some time had passed since his last panic attack and even then it had rarely been as bad as this one. But she knew how to deal with those by now. She placed her hands on his cheeks, kept her eyes on his, holding his gaze. "Hiccup, I'm alright! You hear me? This is not my blood." She saw understanding flicker in his eyes and relaxed when his breathing slowed down a bit. What in Odin's name had caused this emotional turmoil within him that made him react this strongly to her bloodied clothes? Just being in the hospital again? It hadn't bothered him the last few times, although there hadn't been any blood involved than…

"Fishlegs really didn't call you?" she asked, mainly to distract him but also to start an explanation, for he clearly had no idea what had happened. And as expected, Hiccup shook his head. "Well, he was supposed to…" she kept talking lightly, "to call you and tell you what happened, I mean. I'd say I have to have an earnest conversation with him about the importance of some tasks, but I guess Heather will see to that…" She was babbling now, but she didn't care. She knew he needed the distraction and simply continued. "Anyway, he was supposed to call you and tell you we probably wouldn't return to _the lair_ today anymore, depending on how long the check-ups and everything else would take here. In the end, they were really fast, but… Lissy was so tired and finally fell asleep, so we decided to stay a little longer." 

Hiccup took one last deep breath to finally calm down, closed his eyes, and grimaced. "Lissy?" he asked in a strained voice, face contorted into a strange mask. With his eyes still closed he wouldn't see her nodding toward the bed, so she lifted their intertwined hands to indicate toward the girl.

"Yeah, Lissy," she confirmed. "We found her stumbling along the street, covered in blood and dirt, and brought her here immediately." Astrid gazed at the sleeping girl. Lissy had captivated her, and Astrid couldn't even explain to herself, why that was. Or so she kept telling herself...

Hiccup got up then and slowly walked over to the bed, and Astrid followed him. "She must have been involved in some kind of accident," she went on in her explanation. "Judging by the multiple small cuts and bruises, it was probably a car crash – or so the doctors said. Maybe she was thrown out of the car or crawled outside afterwards, we don't know. She doesn't remember what happened but the whole area gets searched as we speak. Lissy asked after her mother…" At this, Astrid paused for a moment, gulping down the rising lump in her throat. _Mommy?_ The girl had asked and looked at her, Astrid. It had been one of the stranger moments of this incident, though not _the_ strangest. Not at all…

"…so she must still be out there somewhere. I wanted to go and ask whether they'd found her by now, but… well, Lissy asked me to stay with her, so… I don't want to leave her all alone." She shrugged helplessly. Somehow this girl had chosen Astrid as her point of reference throughout this confusion. She didn't know what had happened or how badly the girl's mother would be injured, but it surely wouldn't do the girl any harm when she stayed by her side until her mother was found. There it was again, this strange protectiveness Astrid felt for her…

Hiccup made a strange strangled grunting sound by her side, and she looked up at him again. He stared down at the girl, his expression barely decipherable even for her. There was a hint of… terror in his eyes. And pain… and… guilt? She shook her head. Surely, she was imagining things. This whole situation probably reminded him too much of his own experiences connected to hospitals – accidents, pain, and blood…

Astrid turned back toward the sleeping girl, but with the same motion leaned against Hiccup's side. As expected, he instantly laid his arms around her and drew her back against his chest. She could feel his rapidly beating heart even through the multiple layers of cloth as it still pounded against its cage. Why was he still so upset? Astrid leaned more heavily against him, drawing on his support for both their sakes. He seemed to need her closeness just as much as she did. They stood like this for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts and simply basking in each other’s presence.

Eventually, Hiccup stirred behind her though, swallowing hard, and his arms around her tightening for one last moment before he released her and took a step backwards.

"I'll go and ask whether they found her mother by now," he murmured in a throaty and nearly emotionless voice, squeezed her hand in parting, and hurried out of the room.

Astrid gazed after him, worried. Whatever had bothered him earlier at _the lair_ , it wasn't over yet, that much she could tell. But admittedly, neither the corridor in front of Heather's office nor this sickroom was a good place for a possibly distressing conversation. Well, he would tell her what troubled him when he was ready. He always did.

Her gaze fell back on the sleeping girl in her bloodied and torn clothes, and she carefully sat down on the bed's edge. What she'd told Hiccup had been the truth, but it had also been merely a brief summary of sober facts. There had been so much more, so much that she couldn't even describe or explain to herself.

They had spotted the girl as she stumbled aside from the street over the uneven field before them. Fishlegs had stopped the car in an instant, and Astrid had jumped out just in time to catch the girl as she was about to keel over. It had all happened so fast, and she’d still been stunned, staring down at the child in her arms, when _something_ about her had hit her.

The fringes of her blonde hair, which had fallen into her face, had been dyed nearly brown by dried blood. They'd been barely able to hide the contorted expression of pain on her small face, her skin so pale beneath the smudges of blood, and her eyes screwed shut as a low groan escaped her. That was the moment when it had hit her, this protectiveness. She didn't know what else to call it and even with this term, it didn't really make much sense. She'd just felt this irresistible urge to help her, to protect her.

Astrid had carried her inside the car and instead of driving to get some pizza for lunch, Fishlegs had turned his car around, heading for the hospital instead. She'd examined the girl's wounds as best she could on the backseat and found nothing but scratches, cuts, and bruises. But one never knew… During these examinations, however, the girl had opened her storm coloured, still slightly clouded eyes, had looked up at her, and had murmured this one word.

"Mommy?"

It hadn't been that surprising, really… How old would she be? Eight? Maybe ten? Astrid wasn't good at guessing ages, but the girl certainly was young enough to ask for her mommy right away. And yet… hearing someone calling her that, especially now… it had confused her for a moment, had made her head spin. She'd thought a lot about becoming a mother after Hiccup had brought up the topic a while ago, but now…

The girl had given a pained whimper then, and Astrid had torn herself out of her thoughts. "No, honey, I'm not you mommy," she'd answered in a soothing voice. "My name is Astrid. Who are you?" She'd asked this mainly to distract the girl but also to have a way of addressing her later.

"Mmnnggh… Lissy" the girl had groaned, eyes shut again. "Where's my mommy?" 

Astrid had felt rather helpless at this question, had put her arms around the girl's shoulders, and had kept on babbling soothingly to distract the girl. Her memories of Hiccup had been so vivid and alive in these minutes; she'd done similar for him too whenever he needed to be distracted from his sometimes all-consuming thoughts.

Astrid had told Lissy they would bring her to the doctors who could help her and that they would make sure someone would look for her mommy, that they wouldn't leave her until she was safely cared for. Somewhere during these soothing words, the girl had started to first lean against Astrid and later to l literally cling to her as they went inside the outpatient department. She hadn't wanted to let go of her and had only agreed to let the doctor examine her after Astrid had promised to stay with her. Heather and Fishlegs had wanted to go then as Astrid very well knew; there were caretakers in the hospital after all. But she hadn't been able to leave Lissy just like that. Somehow, she felt responsible for this girl that clung so desperately to her hand.

After many further examinations, they had declared Lissy to be fit enough to go home, though she ought to relax for a few days. At this, the girl had become very quiet and it had taken Astrid some time and questioning before she got any information out of the girl. She was not from here and had no home to go to that wasn’t many hours away. She and her mother had come here on a short vacation a few days ago, has slept in a small bed and breakfast place until today, and had been on their way back home, when– 

Lissy had interrupted herself at that point, and nobody had asked her any more questions then. Although, Astrid _had_ asked after her father at some point. Maybe he could come and get her? But Lissy had just shaken her head. "I don't have a dad" she'd said soberly, making Astrid grimaced, annoyed at herself. If her father had been an option, Lissy would probably have asked for him herself.

And now Astrid sat there at Lissy's bed, watched her sleeping form, waited for her to wake up, and promised to herself that she wouldn't leave Lissy's side until her mother had been found.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I'm able to end chapters without mean cliffhanger... or... am I not?


	6. 05 - Being stupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter... might be a little boring. Two years ago, when I wrote this, it gave a lot of new insight into Hiccup's past (and earned me _many_ really bad reviews... 'Oh, no, how could you write Hiccup as such a deviant and vile person? He's goodness in its purest form. This Hiccup doesn't deserve to ever be happy and you deserve to burn in hell for writing this.' 🙄 )   
> Anyway... I don't really know how many new things this chapter holds now for those who already read MGMR as I lost count on what gets mentioned on which occasion ^^" But I still hope it won't be too much of a waste of time as I literally rewrote more than half on this chapter.

 

** Heather **

Heather leaned back to stretch her stiff muscles, groaning in annoyance over the uncomfortable chair she sat in and their situation alike. _Why_ on Midgard were they still here in the hospital? Sure, there was no way they could’ve let that girl wander around all on her own, but now she was safe and cared for. Wasn't that enough? She glanced at her watch and sighed. If this went on any longer, Astrid and she wouldn't be able to make it to their appointment in time.

Beside her, Fishlegs fidgeted in his seat, obviously anxious over something, and not for the first time during the last fifteen minutes, too. Since he got that phone call earlier, in fact...

"What is it, Legs?" she asked, examining her husband closely. He got this nervous habit whenever he tried to keep something hidden or had a guilty conscious. And sure enough, he got this adorable guilty expression that always showed up on his face right before he would _admit his sin_. Heather had to put quite some effort into hiding her grin.

"You know…" he began, scratching his neck uncomfortably. "That call earlier… that had been… Hiccup…" 

She frowned. So what? He'd probably asked how much longer this excursion of theirs would take them. No need to be so nervous. She just hoped they'd be done here, soon. However, Fishlegs was still fidgeting, so she threw him a puzzled look.  "And?"

"And…" Fishlegs gulped. "And I might have… forgotten to call him earlier… he's on his way here, I guess…" 

At first, Heather sighed in relief. So they would be able to leave soon, after all. Maybe _he_ would be able to talk some sense into Astrid or–

Then it hit her. 

" _You didn't call him earlier?"_ she shrieked as that bit of information clicked in, and Fishlegs shook his head, a perfect picture of misery now. "Oh shit…" she cursed. "And let me guess, he didn't listen to you now, did he? Ah, of course, he didn't! How could you forget to call him? Didn't you went down into the lobby just to do that?" This wasn't good… She now remembered what Legs had said on the phone. That they weren't at Carlo's and that they were in the hospital instead. And not much more after that. Damn, with only this information, Hiccup would be _frantic_. As if they needed another distraction right now. Hiccup would not be in the condition to talk some sense into Astrid after all – on the contrary, she'd probably have another patient to care for instead. _And there goes our appointment_ , she thought with a sigh. But why should things work out as planned for once...

"Yeah, that was the plan," Fishlegs mumbled in response to her question. "But there'd been some hold up on my way out, some emergency I guess, and I got distracted…" he admitted sheepishly. "Did you know that there's a new cafeteria in this wing as well now?" 

Sighing she's rubbed her forehead. She loved Fishlegs, she really did. But she really wished he'd be _a little_ more focus every now and then. And in addition, she was hungry now, too. Well, what had she expected of her first day back at work? There was a reason why her personal name for Dragonite Engineering was _loony bin._

"Actually, I didn't know that," she sighed. "But since you know your way around now, you could go and fetch me some hot cross buns. Not the same as pizza, but better than nothing. And a hot cup of coffee?"

At that moment, ever so slightly uneven steps could be heard running toward them through the corridors. Fishlegs shared a knowing look with her and they both rolled their eyes a little. This dramatic flair of his... Only seconds later,  Hiccup came dashing through the entrance, wild eyes frantically looking around the room.

"Odin's eyeballs, what's up with him?" Fishlegs muttered, and Heather could only agree. He looked _horrible_ , even more so than she would have expected. After his phone call with Fishlegs just now, he would assume the worst, of course, so she'd expected to see this frantic look in his eyes, close to turning into fully grown panic. She'd also expected him to be shaking and panting as he would not have paused for a second until now. However, she'd _not_ expected his hair to be… well, almost tidily combed compared with how it usually looked, shaped now by his fingers which he must have run through it multiple times. There was more to him than just his usual worries, and she couldn't say what it was. 

"I don't know…" she murmured, frowning. He'd been upset before, she remembered now, had wanted to talk to her about something. It wasn't often anymore that he resumed coming to _her_ with his problems, so it must have been something he couldn't talk about with Astrid. And this time, it certainly wasn't about his plan to propose to her again…

When he spotted them, she saw the guilty disappointment on his face before he approached them. _Of course, all he can think about is Astrid_ , she thought with a sigh. One would think he'd learned his lesson by now. Astrid was tougher than he gave her credit for and far from breakable… And yet, the anxiety for his kinda-soulmate was omnipresent as ever…

She raised her hand to point out the room Astrid and the girl were in, even before he had the chance to ask the question that was so obviously written all over his face, and her lips twitched a little when Fishlegs did the same. After seven years now, they both knew him well enough…

...

Half an hour later, they were still waiting, still sitting on these uncomfortable plastic chairs, but at least Fishlegs actually had gotten her some buns and coffee by now. While he'd been gone, she'd made a phone call to cancel their appointment and made a new one for tomorrow. Astrid didn't seem to remember this anymore, but Heather was sure she would do so later.

"What do you think, would it be safe to go in and ask how long we're supposed to keep waiting?" Fishlegs asked grumbling, and Heather snorted.

"Sure, go ahead!" she threw back. "It was nice knowing you." 

Fishlegs snorted, but before he could say any more, the door they were both watching finally opened and Hiccup left the girl's sickroom. He moved calmly, deliberately, stepped into the corridor, and silently closed the door behind him. The moment the door fell shut behind him though, his façade crumbled and broke. He staggered, one hand at his head as he stumbled, and probably would have landed on the cold ground if there hadn't been another chair in his way. He slumped down on it, his face buried in his hands, and aside from Fishlegs and her luckily nobody seemed to have noticed his breakdown.

"What, in Thor's name…" mumbled Fishlegs beside her, just as she squinted her eyes at their friend. What, in Thor's name, indeed… He was supposed to be _relieved_ , knowing that Astrid was alright. Still a little shaken, yes, she'd expected as much, but this? He seemed even worse than before. She wasn't able to see his face, but she could see his ever-moving lips. As if he was talking to himself.

Beside her, Fishlegs fidgeted again and threw her a worried glance. Heather knew what he was thinking. They both had seen him down and broken before, but only she had been there when he'd been at his worst. And the sight of him now was just too close to what she remembered. What in Thor's forsaken name had _happened_ in there?

After watching him for another minute, she decided to go over and try to talk to him. It probably was futile right now, but she at least had to _try_. She took one last sip of her coffee to buy some time, then got up, but when she turned toward where Hiccup had been sitting, she only caught a fleeting glimpse of him as he skittered away through the entrance door and disappeared into the corridors.

"Oh, for the–" she cursed. Why couldn't things be easy for a change? Just once? "Stay here!" she ordered Fishlegs and hurried after Hiccup. Following him wasn't easy though, as even with his Pegleg he could run faster than her with her pumps. But then the leg wasn't that much of a handicap anyway. He was faster than her, period! Especially with her pumps…

Luckily he was heading straight forward, and whenever she lost him then there were enough people around who, admittedly, gave her puzzled glances but also didn't hesitate to point out the direction the other madman had rushed. She caught sight of him again soon as he leaned sideways against the wall right before the doors that lead into the entrance hall of the hospital, catching his breath. She paused too, not wanting to confront him panting and wheezing. But that turned out to have been the wrong decision as Hiccup recovered much faster, his training with Astrid obviously showing results. He entered the hall then, just as calm as he'd left Lissy's room earlier, and Heather lost sight of him once again. Annoyed at herself, she moved on and when she reached the doors as well saw him standing at the reception and talking to one of the women working there. He'd made an effort to appear calm so she did likewise, strolled over toward him and soon caught what they were talking about.

"…over in the outpatient's department is her daughter, still asleep, and..." she heard Hiccup saying. So he was inquiring after Lissy's mother. A good idea, why hadn’t _she_ thought of that? Maybe all this would be over soon, after all. "She would be…" She saw him gulping and lifting his hand to the level of his shoulders. "… about this tall with… with blond hair and blue… ahm…" He struggled with his words and Heather frowned. How could he know how the girl’s mother looked? "Ah, nevermind… Maybe they found her ID. Her name is Carina Johnson."

Heather's jaw dropped.

**. o O o .**

** Hiccup **

Hiccup leaned against the wall near the entrance hall and tried to compose himself once again. He'd managed to do so while he was in _that_ room, but how he did not know. Maybe this really was just a crazy dream. Maybe he would wake up any moment now, with Astrid in his arms, lying in their bed. Maybe her hair would tickle his nose as she snuggled her back closer to his chest. Maybe they would get up, then or a little later, eat breakfast, and he would tell her of his strange dream. Maybe they would laugh about it together. May this would happen now!

Or now.

Or now…

He closed his eyes and deeply exhaled for the umpteenth time today. He wouldn't wake up… Not this easily… This nightmare would keep tormenting him and there was no end to be seen. He pushed himself off the wall, calm façade in place again, and went over to approach Sally once again.

The receptionist looked up and smiled at him just like before. "Mr Haddock! Did you find your fiancée?" she asked and he flinched.

Yes, he'd found Astrid, thank the Gods. And she was alright, she was fine, nothing had happened to her, he reminded himself. At least when it came to her, this day wasn't a complete disaster. But then, even thinking of _her_ made his heart shrink today…

This girl… Lissy… short for Elisabeth obviously. He'd recognized her immediately, he'd stared at her photo for quite some time today, after all. Seeing her in flesh and blood had been a shock, though. Especially in blood… he closed his eyes to banish the image from his mind. Not now! He wasn't ready yet to deal with this, too, not now…

"Mr Haddock?" Sally asked again, tearing him out of his thoughts, and he blinked.

"Erm… Yes, I found her," Hiccup answered, still distracted by his thoughts. "But I have another question. I… We are looking for another woman, probably the victim of a car crash. Had there been one of those?"

Sally looked a little puzzled but checked her display nonetheless. "I'm not sure," she murmured. "There have been a few emergency cases, but a car crash…" she trailed off, eyes searching.

"Please, we need to find her. Over in the outpatient's department is her daughter, still asleep, and…" Hiccup broke off, suddenly self-conscious. He knew more, of course, but was unsure about how much he should reveal.

_Oh, what does it matter?_ , he scolded himself. The truth would come out eventually, no matter what he said now. This was not about him and his past stupidity.

"She would be…" he gulped down the lump in his throat as unbidden memories flooded his mind. Memories of the slender girl in his arms and of how he'd secretly dreamed at every moment that she'd be someone else… "…about this tall with…" Gods, he'd been an ass… He'd known as much back then as well, but…

There was no but! He'd been an ass, straight and simple. The fact that none of it had ever been serious in any way didn't make it any better. "…with blonde hair and blue… ahm…" Sally wouldn't know or care about eye colours. No need to admit the extent of his idiocy to her, even though she wouldn't even understand it. "Ah, nevermind…" he continued as another idea occurred to him. "Maybe they found her ID? Her name is Carina Johnson."

"Carina Johnson?" Sally asked, frowning. "I think I read that name somewhere…" she trailed off again and Hiccup could almost feel the panic rising within him again. So it was true. If Carina really way here, then…

But he got no time to continue this line of thought as another voice sounded from behind him.

"How do you know all this?" 

He recognized Heather's voice and flinched. When had she appeared behind him? How much had she heard? Slowly, he turned toward her, and he knew he wouldn't be able to hide the extent of his weariness from her. She had this ability to see right through him, and once that had saved him. But now, it might very well lead to his doom. And sure enough, when her eyes met his, she squinted up at him and crossed her arms in front of her.

"Spit it out, Haddock!" she ordered, making him grimace. She hardly ever called him that, but when she did he knew he wouldn't be able to get away anymore.

_Of course_ , he wasn’t able to get away. But he didn’t mean to even _try_ anyway.

Hiccup let Heather lead him toward the waiting area close to the entrance hall and push him down on one of the seats there. Apparently, she wanted to make sure he wouldn't run away, but he had no intentions to do so. He was tired of keeping up his front, and truth be told was selfish enough to want to share his burden with somebody else, to lighten it even if it meant to trouble someone else with it.

But Heather wouldn't mind. She already had proven her capability of helping him endure his struggles and he’d wanted to ask her advice anyway. So when she asked him what had happened after she'd cornered him, he didn't hesitate much before he told her.

“To explain this,” he began in a hollow voice. “I need to back up a little. You already know some of it, but…”

“Just _tell_ me, Hiccup,” she said in a soft voice. “In whatever way works for you.”

“And you promise not to interrupt me?” He had to get this off his chest, but he couldn’t deal with whatever questions she might have. Not right now, at least.

“I promise.”

Hiccup nodded. “It all began shortly after I left this city twelve years ago. You know that I wasn’t in a good state back then, but… but I don’t think you know just _how_ bad it was. You know I was already broken and hurt, with not knowing anything about my parents and my mother especially who didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I probably could have asked uncle Gobber, but I knew he was _still_ hurting about losing his brother, even two decades later, so I never approached him. Always hoped he’d tell me when he was ready, I guess.” _Except that it had never come to that_ , he added mentally. 

“Over the years, Astrid was my only source of comfort and strength. She knew of my pain, understood it, and she was my only friend, my only source of joy. My anchor. But then… 

“It was stupid, my own fault as I now know. But back then… I already knew what those feelings I had for here were and was pondering about whether and how to tell her. But then she said something, that just _shattered_ me. _‘I can't wait to leave this cursed town and everything that belongs to it!’_ That’s what she said, on our way back from her parent’s funeral. The words have burned themselves into my mind. Because I belonged to this town too, right? And if she wanted to leave me behind…

“Those words made my decision easy, if painful. _Obviously_ , she didn’t feel the same for me, and all my dreams about telling her, about being with her, living with her, shattered. So I waited until after Gobber’s funeral, packed my things, and left. I wrote her a short letter, but couldn’t _stand_ facing her. I wanted to write more, but every time I put up a pen, remembering her was just too painful, and so I fled into the distractions around me instead. 

“I made new friends at my dorm, people who didn’t know me or my past, and it was fun. Their lifestyle was so different from everything I knew, interesting, intriguing, enchanting. Always out partying, getting drunk or worse. A part of me recognized and understood the appeal this way of life held and repelled from it, but my conscious mind was too bruised to care. All I wanted was for my life to change, for anything would be better than how it was before. Or so I’d thought…

“After a few weeks into this life of partying through the night and sleeping through the day, my new friends found out about my lack of sexual experience – and arranged to thoroughly rectify that. The first girl I was with was a loose member of our gang, a friend of a friend. And even though she’d been very businesslike and methodical in _teaching_ me, I learned to enjoy it immensely. But again, a part of me was repelled by what I did. _Making love_ , it’s called, and with good reasons. I'd never wanted to be this close to another person, except… Well, except for Astrid…” He had to pause, the pain overwhelming. Gods, he’d been so stupid…

“But I learned to enjoy sex for itself, even got kinda addicted to it,” he eventually went on. “For a while, it got all got pretty blurry. I had sex every night, sometimes with girls I’d only met an hour or two before. Everything to just forget about the pain of my former life. I loved and hated it at the same time, and–” He broke off, shaking his head. Heather didn’t need to know all the details of _that_ part.

“There was a pattern to it, too, as in I had a _type._ I didn’t even recognise at first, only after my _friends_ pointed it out to me. I always took girls with blonde hair and blue eyes, girls that looked like Astrid. When I realised that, it made me sick – to the point where I stopped entirely. I even locked myself in my room for a while and, painful as it was, forcefully dug out all the happy memories of Astrid. Of how we'd spent days and nights together, laughing and joking, of how we’d sometimes talked for hours about a movie or about one of my inventions. I retrieved the memory of her radiant smile and held it up in my mind like an icon, an admonition, a memento of what it was I longed for.

“After that, I never again had a one-night-stand or even a short-lived affair with any random girl. Instead, I occasionally tried to enter earnest relationships, tried to go on, to forget what I would never have. I tried to get to know the girls before getting intimate, but… well, it never worked out. I couldn't stop to look for similarities, couldn’t get over how none of them were what I wanted.”

Again, he trailed off, overwhelmed by the memories. For so long, he’d refused to even think about this time. But now, he was doing it _again_. It wasn’t even three weeks since he’d told Astrid all this, and now, it felt like, by doing so, he’d summoned his past to haunt him again. Which was stupid, of course. If Carina was telling the truth, if this girl really–

“It was around that time when Carina joined our gang. She had blonde hair and blue eyes, so _of course,_ the others teased me about her. I've been dead set on not liking her, just because of that. In fact, I’ve been anything but nice to her, had even hoped I could chase her away and make her move to another dorm, to leave me in peace. But later I understood that my efforts had pretty much exactly the opposite effect. Carina became more interested in me, more even than she would have been if I'd simply treated her like everyone else. She made an effort to spend time with me, to talk to me, to get to know me. And over time, I got to know her, too.

“She was funny, a nice person, and so _different_ from Astrid… She wasn’t as smart or witty, and so kind that even the mere _idea_ of her retorting with some snide remark or even punching someone, playful or not, was ridiculous. She was slim though not in a sporty way, but rather skinny. She was careful about what she ate, a vegetarian. She wasn't really interested in my studies – little as I did for that myself – didn't understand what I was doing there anyway, and I soon gave up explaining. She wasn't like Astrid at all, you know? Over time, even the resemblances in their looks disappeared to my eyes. Instead of Astrid’s rich gold, her hair was more silvery and pale, hanging down her back in wispy strands instead of needing to be tamed into a thick braid. And her eyes were paler, more grey really – so different from Astrid’s vibrant blue. No, she wasn't like Astrid, not at all, so I felt safe to spend time with her.

“She wasn’t my girlfriend, we weren’t in love. But we became good friends, talking _endlessly_ about our dreams for the future and all. I liked her enough so that occasionally getting intimate with her didn’t feel as bad and twisted as it did with those other girls. It was just fun for both of us, familiar without holding any meaning or commitment. She knew about the state of my heart, and we had no solid or exclusive relationship. When we all were at the clubs, she often flirted and went with other men, and I was glad she did. It meant that neither she nor I were in any danger of getting hurt by that friends-with-benefits arrangement. And for a long time, that worked really well.”

Yes, it had worked well, hadn’t it? A new wave of confusion overcame him at the idea the same Carina who’d been his close friend back then could now be blackmailing him. And _lying_ to him. Because no matter whether she was making the parentage of her daughter up now or whether she’d kept this from him for all these years – in both cases she’d lied to him.

“What happened then?” Heather nudged carefully as he didn’t go on. 

But Hiccup just shrugged. “Nothing, really. Near the end of my second year at college, I received a message from my tutors. They warned me that, if I didn’t put more effort into my studies, I would eventually lose my scholarship. And although I’d inherited enough to pay the tuition, that message shook me up. It reminded me of what I really wanted. I wanted to become an engineer.  I wanted to put all these ideas in my head into life, to build devices and gadgets that could make life easier. It was what I always wished to do, and this reminder gave me the strength I needed to escape this life I never really sought or wanted. So I left.

“I left those false friends I’d made and wasn’t sad about not seeing them again. I left the dorm and moved into a small flat where I was able to fully concentrate on my studies. And I left Carina who was genuinely happy for me. After all, she knew that I hadn’t wanted that life. I’d _expected_ to stay in touch with her at least, but that didn’t happen. She never called, never answered my messages except for that one time where she advised me to leave behind _everything_ in order to move on.”

He shrugged again, and leaned back in his chair, indicating that his story was over and giving Heather time to process what he'd told her. Of course, she didn't need much time, she was Heather, after all, but he needed time as well. Aside from the first few days, he had never thought ill of Carina. Not until today that was... There had been _nothing_ in their parting that had hinted at any grudge she might hold against him. And if it was true, if she really thought he would be the father of this girl, then why hadn't she contacted him right away? True, it would not have been what he'd wanted, not then and not with her. But he would have stood up to his responsibility, would have tried to care for her and the child as best he could. And why would she contact him now, and in this manner? It didn't make any sense…

"Alright…" Heather tore him out of his thoughts a minute or two later. "But why did you tell me all this? You know this Carina, so what? You had a life before, I already knew that. And Astrid knows that too, by the way. You told her as much if I'm informed correctly. The question is now, why is she here and why is her daughter over at… the…" she trailed off and although Hiccup wasn't looking at her, he could imagine how her eyes widened as every information clicked into place. Without another word, he reached into his pocket, just like he'd done earlier, drew out the letter, and handed it to Heather.

She read it once, twice, and a third time – although he was perfectly convinced she'd understood it the first time already. When she lowered the letter, he dared to look up at her again to gauge her reaction. He'd expected her to glare at him with accusation and anger, but couldn't find anything remotely like that in her eyes. Instead, she looked at him thoughtfully for a moment and then nodded.

"That explains a lot," she stated matter-of-factly. "Though not everything," she added in a low murmur before she continued. "Anyway, what's the plan? I guess you want proof of her statement before you do anything? I can organize a paternity test if that's what you want. We already have your DNA in our system and getting Lissy's won't be hard. We can compare them at the lair, no one will know whose it is."

Hiccup shut his eyes and took a long and deep breath. Dear Heather, efficient as always. More often than not this trait of hers was rather annoying, but not today. Today he wanted to hug her for it, for not making a big deal out of his stupidity.

He nodded. "You think you can get a sample without anyone noticing?" he asked nervously. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep this whole affair hidden for long, not with all the attention he got lately. But he still hoped to not see his face on every other magazine tomorrow, and especially not with a headline like this. But Heather just chuckled.

"Yeah, don't worry. There's enough of her blood on Fishlegs' back seats. You know, he's not very happy about that, but now it might come in handy…" she said, with dry humour and if the situation had been different, Hiccup would have been able to laugh about it as well. Fishlegs and his car… He could sense that there was something else that bothered Heather, though, and he could guess what it was.

"How much are you going to tell her?" she asked calmly and there was no question whom she meant by _her_. 

Hiccup grimaced but gave the only answer she deserved. "Everything!" he whispered, knowing the truth would destroy everything he'd been so sure of only this morning.

Heather nodded again. "I see. But…” she paused, grimacing, then added, “But may I make a suggestion? Don’t tell her just yet. If Fishlegs and I return to the lair right away and get this test started, I think we'll have the results on the day after tomorrow. She’s in a weird mood today, so maybe you want to wait to tell her until you know for sure?"

Hiccup laughed harshly. Delaying the inevitable? Oh yes, he wanted to do just that, wanted it _bad!_ He was good at doing that... He scoffed at himself. Delaying telling Astrid the truth had never turned out to do him any good… But in this case, there was no good to be expected anyway. And Heather was right, he doubted this girl could really be his daughter. So why tell Astrid, when there probably wasn't anything to tell anyway?

Before he could reply though, they heard a call ringing through the corridors and looked up in unison. "Mr Haddock?" A moment later, Sally appeared in the doorway, slightly breathless. "Ah, there you are. I found her. Carina Johnson got admitted a few hours ago. She was badly injured, but a surgeon already operated on her. She's in intensive care over in the ICU right now, and, from what the head nurse told me, is still unconscious."

Hiccup pressed his lips into a thin line. And there went the hopeful doubts he'd allowed himself. That, maybe, all of this was just a coincidence, a misunderstanding. That Lissy wasn't this Elisabeth, that Carina wasn't really here, that… that all of this was just a f _ucking nightmare, for Odin's sake!_ Aloud he said: "Thank you, Sally. I'll go and make sure her daughter learns about this, too."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah... lots of backgrounds, and took a while. Will be back soon with more ^^


	7. 06 - Too Many Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter I wrote with at least the _plan_ to write MGMR at some point... xD

 

** Astrid **

Just like earlier that day already, Astrid stood in front of the mirror in the tiny bathroom and stared at her reflection. Oh, what a day. What a _strange_ and _chaotic_ day. She wasn't able to completely think through a single one of today's incidents so far, let alone _all_ of them. Anxiously, she wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes, concentrating on simply breathing in and out. _One thing at a time_ , she told herself. Surely, things weren’t as… as confusing and impossible as they looked right now. 

"Astrid?" 

The tentative voice sounded from the main room toward her, and she tried to pull herself together. _One thing at a time!,_ she told herself firmly and left the bathroom. The first priority now was Lissy. The girl was frightened, that much was obvious from the tone of her voice, and who could blame her? Only the Gods knew what else this day would have in store for her after her accident. Astrid just hoped Hiccup would return soon, hopefully with good news about the girl's mother. A troubled grimace was about to creep over her face, but with much effort, she held it back and put on a smile instead. One thing at a time...

"Hey, Lissy! You're awake," she stated the obvious when she found Lissy sitting at the edge of the bed, feet dangling and an apprehensive look in her pale blue eyes. "Sorry that I wasn't here," she apologized, but Lissy gave her a careful smile, reassuring her it was alright. "How are you feeling, honey? A little better now?"

"Yeah," the girl answered in a small voice. "I'm fine." She hesitated for a moment and pressed her lips together before she continued, "Do you know what happened to my Mom? Is she dead?"

Taken aback, Astrid could only stare at her for a heartbeat. Of course, that might be a valid question considering the possibility of a car crash. But for a little girl to directly ask it? Although, right from the beginning, Lissy hadn't really behaved like a normal nine-year-old girl. She was much too calm, acted much too mature for her age and her eyes… Her eyes were…

Astrid blinked, tearing herself out of her thoughts. This was not the right time… "I don't know," she answered truthfully. "My boyfriend… erm… fiancé went to inquire after her. He should be back any minute now and with good news, hopefully."

Lissy nodded and looked down at the floor while Astrid tried to decide what to do now. After his examinations of Lissy, the doctor had confirmed that the girl wouldn't need to stay in the hospital. She was to rest and let a GP examine her head in a few days again, but other than that she was allowed to leave. They had been allowed to wait here in this examination room for Lissy to rest a little longer, but Astrid knew they couldn't stay here forever. The staff needed this room back for their treatment. But where should they go instead? Astrid had hoped to know more about the girl's mother's whereabouts by now, whether she would be able to care for her daughter again or whether they would have to call the youth welfare instead. But Hiccup was gone for quite some time, he really should be back any minute now.

"Come, let's get out of here," Astrid suggested and offered her hand to the girl, which she took immediately. The grasp of her small hand was surprisingly strong, maybe even desperate, and Astrid hoped more than ever that this day wouldn’t end too badly for her. 

They left the room, and Astrid waved toward one of the nurses, indicating they wouldn't need the examination room anymore. Then she glanced around the waiting area, looking for any familiar faces. When they'd arrived at the hospital earlier, Heather and Fishlegs had decided to stay here instead of joining her and Lissy. Fishlegs hadn't really cared much, but Heather had been a little irritated. _Why do you care so much?,_ she'd asked, and Astrid had known no answer. Why did she care…?

The plan had been to get the girl to the casualty and to give her over to the social workers there who were trained to deal with injured and disoriented people. What else was there for them to do anyway? They didn't know this girl, weren't responsible for her, and yet… And yet, Astrid couldn't leave her all on her own with only strangers. Yes, of course, she was a stranger to her as well, but… but there was just _something…_ Something that had caught her attention and– 

She tore herself away from these thoughts. _NOT NOW!,_ she mentally screamed at herself, and had to forcefully keep herself from tearing her hair out in frustration. It would do no one any good if she lost her mind now!

After another moment of searching, she caught sight of Fishlegs who sat alone on one of the chairs, surrounded by styrofoam cups and paper bags with the logo of a local baker on them. Coffee and food… Astrid felt her stomach grumble and made her way over toward him, tugging Lissy along with her.

"Is that your fiancé?" the girl asked curiously, and Astrid couldn't help herself but chuckle. 

"No, he's just a friend," she told her. "His name is Fishlegs and he's married to Heather; you met them both already, don't you remember?" Astrid looked at her as they kept walking, but Lissy just frowned and shook her head. Well, she had been pretty dazed and confused earlier, so it probably wasn't that much of a surprise that she didn't remember everything.

"Hey, are you ready to go?" Fishlegs asked hopefully as they reached him, but Astrid shook her head.

"Ready, yes, but we still don't know anything about Lissy's mother. I guess we have to wait for Hiccup and hope that he got some information," she answered, eyeing the steaming cups beside him. Without looking, Fishlegs grabbed one and handed it to her. She accepted it with a grateful smile and took a careful sip. It was perfect, with lots of sugar and a drop of crème, but _of course_ , Fishlegs knew how she liked her coffee, just like they all knew each other's preferences. "Where's Heather by the way?" she asked as Fishlegs offered another cup to Lissy. It was clearly visible labelled as hot chocolate, and after one estimating glance at him, the girl took the cup without further reluctance.

"She went after Hiccup," Fishlegs answered nonchalantly, but Astrid saw the tension around his mouth and frowned. She couldn't read Fishlegs as well as Hiccup, but he too was a terrible liar. What he'd said was probably the truth, but there was something else he tried to hide. For a moment, she considered inquiring after it, but decided against it. She had enough on her mind already and didn't want to additionally worry about whatever bothered him as well.

"Well, let's hope they return soon then," she said, took one of the paper bags and sat down beside Fishlegs. It contained two buns of which she offered one to Lissy before she bit into the other. She _really_ was hungry.

They sat like that for several minutes, chewing and sipping and without doing much talking at all, and Astrid used the break to try and settle her mind. Finally, outside of the examination room, the things on her mind began to become a little clearer. Being in one of these rooms again… it had dazed her, with emotional flashbacks throwing her already overstrained mind into even more chaos. Yes, Lissy was still the first priority, for now at least. Until they found her mother, the girl had no one to look after her, and although Astrid knew it wasn't her responsibility, she still wanted to help her. But aside from what the immediate future would bring for the girl, there were two other questions that bothered her. Two other problems and she couldn't decide which one was more pressing. She wrapped her arms around herself again, feeling helpless for a moment. She just wished Hiccup would already be here again for she really could use the reassurance of his arms around her right now.

"Can't we go and look for your friends?" Lissy asked out of the blue, her barely-nibbled-at bun still in her hands.

"That wouldn't be wise," Fishlegs answered before Astrid could even think about it. "I have no idea where exactly they went and this hospital is _huge._ We would never find them, would only miss them when they come back here," he explained further, and Lissy nodded, the logic of his words obviously winning her over. Astrid threw her another measuring glance. Not the typical nine-year-old _at all_.

To distract herself, Astrid reached for another one of the paper bags on the small table in front of them, when she heard the voice.

"I sincerely hope there's still one left for me, for your own good!" Heather said as she entered the room, only slight amusement on her face. Beneath her casual façade, Astrid noticed hos tense he was though, and she began to wonder what it was today. that made everyone this anxious. 

However, behind Heather, Hiccup entered the room as well and Astrid was out of her seat and at his side in no time, arms wrapped around his chest and her face buried against his neck, deeply inhaling his scent. She'd missed him even though hardly an hour had passed since he left the examination room. And the same seemed to go for him as well; his arms closed around her just as tightly, and she even thought she felt him tremble. They really needed some alone time, to talk and to calm each other down after the last busy weeks, but now was not the time.

"Did you find my Mom?" sounded Lissy’s voice from behind her, and Astrid flinched. For a moment, she'd forgotten the girl. She retreated and looked up at Hiccup, the same question in her eyes as well. 

He nodded but with a troubled expression and swallowed once before he answered, his gaze flickering between her and the girl behind her."Carina Johnson got admitted a few hours ago already," he said with a hoarse voice, and it took Astrid a moment to understand who that was supposed to be.

"That's my Mom," Lissy confirmed. So, her last name was Johnson? They hadn't gotten that much information out of her earlier but this would surely help later. "How is she?" Lissy continued and added after a short pause. "Is she dead?" 

Hiccup looked just as taken aback by this question as Astrid had been herself. She also noticed a strange mixture of other emotions crossing his face before he caught himself again. There was hope, relief, guilt, and some others as well she couldn't quite name right now.

"No, she's not," He eventually replied, calm and deliberate, his face expressionless.  However, his hands on her shoulders were trembling. "She's in the ICU and is still unconscious. You can visit her, though." 

At that, Astrid's heart sank. If Lissy's mother was unconscious,  then there was no way she would be able to leave the hospital today. Which meant that they had to call the youth farewell after all.

"Then you three go and visit Lissy's mother," Heather suggested.

Astrid nodded, grateful for the distraction. "You won't come with us?" she asked, turning toward Heather and Fishlegs. 

Heather just shook her head though. "We still have a few things to do at the lair…" she explained, trailing off at the end.

Astrid frowned. There it was again, this strange strained trace in the tone of her voice, barely noticeable except…

"Can we go right now? I'm not hungry, really! Please?" Lissy asked and Astrid nodded, distracted.

"Uhm… yes, of course. I just…" she went back to the table to get her cup of coffee and her small black backpack,  but frowned when she couldn't remember where she'd put it.

"Here," Heather held it up, reminding her that she'd left it with them when she'd accompanied Lissy into the examination room.

"Ah, thanks." She made the few steps toward her friend and reached for the small leather bag. Heather didn't let go of it though, trying to catch her attention.

"Do you have a moment?" she asked in a low voice as if to not draw everyone's attention. Lissy was distracted as she'd approached Hiccup for more information about her mother, and apparently Heather wanted it to stay that way.

"Sure!" Astrid answered in a likewise low voice. "What's up?"

Heather looked at her, lips pressed together as if she was searching for something and then just shook her head. "I called at T's earlier to cancel our appointment. He made an exception for you and we can come over tomorrow instead. Do you think you'll find time for it then?"

Astrid's eyes widened at that and she pressed a hand to her mouth. She had completely forgotten that she'd had an appointment. _How_ could she have forgotten this; it was an important one. Only this morning, she'd been so eager, so excited, a little impatient even. 

But so much had happened since then… 

"Thank you!" she sighed with emphasis, overly grateful once again to have a friend like Heather. "Tomorrow, I _will_ have the time, no matter what!" she promised.

Heather nodded, though with a frown. "What is it anyway, Astrid?" she asked with a concerned voice. "Why is this girl so important to you?"

Astrid looked away, biting her lower lip. This wasn’t a topic she wanted to think about now. But Heather wouldn't let go of it until she had an answer. "I don't really know," she admitted. That much at least was true. "I just… There's something about her, something… I can't even name it. Something calling to me, I guess. I just want to protect her." 

Heather looked at her for a moment longer and then nodded again. "I see…" she sighed, and Astrid hugged her to let her know just how grateful she was. 

She wanted to turn toward Hiccup and Lissy then but once again, Heather refused to let go, of her this time.

"Give him some time," she whispered into her ear, so as not even Fishlegs could hear her. Astrid froze, not really comprehending. There was only one possible meaning to these words, obviously, but… Heather retreated to look her in the eyes again, gauging her unspoken answer and Astrid blinked, once. Of course, she would. She always did and nothing would ever change that.

**. o O o .**

Astrid was sure that they gave a strange picture, the way they walked along the corridors, but she didn't care. She held Lissy on her one hand, the girl clinging to her once again, and Hiccup on her other. She would have liked it more to wrap her arm around his waist and for him to lay his arm around her shoulders, but that would be awkward with Lissy at their side so they'd settled on simply holding hands. Not enough, but better than nothing.

She suspected that there might be another article tomorrow waiting for them as the gossipers really lurked everywhere, and it quite possibly wouldn’t be one she liked. But even that didn't matter. 

Not anymore. 

She'd read a lot of disturbing articles as people had begun to dig out Hiccup's past, and hers as well. About Hiccup's accident, about how violent she got sometimes (It had been only one broken arm, for Odin's sake!) and about quite a lot of women and a few men as well who'd claimed to be their exes. And yet, these people didn't seem to understand. More than once, there had been voices that had predicted for their relationship to be over after the revelation of these or those horrendous facts but they still couldn't see it… There were no secrets between Hiccup and her. There was nothing, they wouldn't trust the other one with. Sometimes a topic hadn't come up until an article or something else brought it to their attention – just like that rather delicate part of Hiccup's past a few weeks ago – but still, what did it matter? They could talk about everything. They both had a life during the years they spent apart. And if Heather knew something without freaking out herself and thought Hiccup would need a little more time before he could talk to her about it, then she was fine with that. Because the same went for her as well… She, too, needed a little more time…

She squeezed his hand and for just a moment, rested her head against his shoulder as they walked. He squeezed her right back and she smiled. Whatever life threw at them, together they would always be able to handle it, no matter what.

**. o O o .**

Astrid and Lissy sat in the waiting area of the ICU while Hiccup talked to the nurse in the office. It was a good thing that they knew him so well, she thought bitterly, or else they probably wouldn't get any information. They'd believed him when he'd said Lissy was Carina Johnson's daughter so there was at least this one point where they had no problems today.

And now, they waited for him to do the paperwork and Astrid couldn't help but feel awful. Sure, this was not the ER but it was close. It had the same aura of urgency, the same scent of pain and detergent, and doing nothing but sitting and waiting brought forth the memories of these dreadful hours in the ER almost exactly two years ago.

_It's long since over!,_ she firmly reminded herself, but that only helped so much. She felt sick and frightened all over again. Seeing Hiccup then for the first time after he'd been so close to actually dying… the image had burned itself into her memories and this environment only helped to dig it all out again. Would Lissy's mother, this Carina Johnson, look equally broken? Would this memory haunt the girl just like Astrid's did, too? She hoped not. A shiver ran down her spine and she wrapped her arms around herself once again.

When she felt a warm hand on her neck, however, she relaxed instantly due to his familiar touch. Everything would be alright – somehow. Somehow everything would work out…

"You'll never guess which room she is in…" Hiccup said with humourless laughter. Lissy, who hadn't noticed his arrival, whirled around, startled, but Astrid closed her eyes and enjoyied the light massage he administered to her neck before she too turned toward him.

"Yours?" she guessed, and he nodded with a grimace. Of course, it wasn't _his_ room, not really. But he'd spend enough months of his life there so that it felt like that by now.

"Then let's get going!" she said and stood up, offering her hand to Lissy again. The girl took it and hurried toward the exit, but paused again when Astrid didn't follow her and looked questioningly at Hiccup instead. He'd gritted his teeth for a moment and then had cleared his throat without making any move to leave the room with them. 

"What is it?" Astrid asked, worried. Gods, this day was crazy. She needed to talk to him in private, not just about her problems but about his as well as they obviously occupied his mind greatly. But now was not the time. Lissy was tugging impatiently at her arm and Hiccup noticed that, too. He gave her a pained look and whatever he might have wanted to say stayed unspoken for now.

"I'll go and see if I can find a doctor," he said in a strained voice. "I'll try to get some information about her state of health and meet you there."

Astrid nodded and reached out for him to briefly squeeze his hand before they parted. "Okay," she breathed and was a little angry at the pathetic sound of her voice. Eventually, even this day would come to an end and she couldn't wait to drift off into sleep in the safety of his arms. Then she followed Lissy into the corridor and led the way toward the treatment room she, too, had spent a lot of time in two years ago. The second it was clear to which door they were heading, Lissy let go of her hand and darted forward, opened the door without knocking first and disappeared inside. After taking a last deep breath, Astrid followed her.

Entering the room again now was… _strange_. Astrid knew it wouldn't be Hiccup lying on the bed, connected to tubes and wires, knew he was somewhere out in the corridors, safe and sound. But this knowledge didn't help at all, not at that moment at least. Her heart pounded painfully against her ribcage as she entered the room as well, and her eyes darted toward the figure lying on the bed.

The first thing Astrid noticed was how frail she was. Lissy's mother looked even more fragile and breakable than Hiccup when he'd been in her place, although this might not be because of today's events. This was different, somehow. Hiccup had been on the brink of death and somehow this had been visible. But this Carina Johnson? She hadn't been there today. She obviously was injured, one arm and leg were plastered, a bandage around her head and one around her upper body as well from what she could see, but this cold shadow that had loomed over Hiccup wasn't there. Instead, she looked like she'd been sick before already, the shape of her bones clearly visible beneath the skin with hardly any fat and barely any muscles to cover them. But aside from all this, she didn't look too bad. As much as one could say this about an unconscious person covered with scratches…

The second thing Astrid noticed then was Lissy. The girl stood one step away from the bed and looked at her mother, and although Astrid couldn't see her face, her reaction was not what she would have expected. She would have expected Lissy to cry out, scared and worried for her mother, would have expected to see tears running down her cheeks or hear her sobs. But nothing the like happened. She just stood there and watched. 

Astrid walked closer toward and a little around her to better be able to see her reaction. The girl's face had a pained expression but it was far from what Astrid herself would have looked like if she'd found her mother like that. And beneath the pain and worries, there was a calculating look on Lissy's face as well. Her gaze wandered over her mother's body, registered the injuries there and went on toward the machines around the bed. Astrid wasn't sure what she's was looking for, but after another minute or three of scrutiny, Lissy seemed satisfied. She made the last step toward the bed, sat down on its edge, and began to talk to her unconscious mother in a low voice.

Astrid could only stare at her, bewildered. The girl seemed not very bothered by her mother's condition and maybe she truly wasn't. Astrid stepped back to where her most dreaded chair stood and sat down, giving Lissy and her mother as much privacy as possible. Carina Johnson really did look sick, and combined with her daughter's strange behaviour… This obviously wasn't the first time, the girl saw her mother lying in a hospital's bed, even seemed to know how best to cope with this situation. Astrid heard her saying her own name once or twice as the girl told her mother about what had happened today, and relaxed. At least Lissy obviously wouldn't be traumatized by today's events. Relieved by this and maybe thrown back in time by sitting in this room, in this very chair again, Astrid dozed off, Lissy's low murmur settling her thoughts for now.

She was startled awake again when the door opened and a surprisingly huge amount of people entered the room. The first one was a doctor. She recognized him with his youthful appearance, the blond hair, and admittedly incredibly good looks, but barely remember his name. Dr C? It had never really mattered… Behind him, two nurses entered the room as well, followed by another woman in a businesslike suit and Hiccup to be the last to enter. Her eyes were glued to him as he looked even tenser than before. Being in this room again had to take its toll on him even more than on her. She got up and walked toward him as the rest of his group turned their attention towards Lissy. Maybe she should have done so as well, should have supported the girl with all these strangers around her, but somehow she got the impression that the girl would be able to handle this situation. Far better at least than Hiccup.

His wide eyes were fixed on the woman lying on the bed, he went pale, and Astrid could see how his breathing sped up. Concerned, she reached for his hand and his closed around hers instantly, squeezing tightly, and she almost winced as his grip actually hurt a little. She stepped even closer toward him, wrapped her other arm around his torso and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Shh," she tried to soothe him, feeling a little stupid to treat him like a child. But then sometimes that was the only way to reach him and today was no different. He exhaled audibly and wrapped his free arm around her, more or less crushing her against his chest in his desperate attempt to hold her close. She felt him trembling again and tried to keep her own worries locked up tightly to better be able to help him cope with his first. Hopefully, soon all this would be over.

While they stood there in their tight embrace, Astrid became aware of the conversation the other people in this room had. It was a chaotic jumble of different topics really, and it took her a minute before she could follow again. Apparently, the nurses were doing their routine check-up while Dr C. alternated between asking them questions and telling Lissy about her mother's state of health. 

He might have been reluctant to tell all this to a nine-year-old girl, but she was asking so many detailed questions that he probably had stopped worrying about that. As it seemed, Carina Johnson had two cracked ribs, partial fractures in her left arm and leg and had had internal bleeding that was already taken care of. None of her injuries were lethal, but she needed to stay in intensive care for a while. At that point, the woman in the suit joined their conversation. Belatedly, Astrid realized that she belonged to the youth farewell, that apparently the internal channels had worked properly for once and someone had already called for them when it had become known that there was a child without parental supervision.

This was good… This woman would know what to do with Lissy, would know where she could stay as long as her mother had to remain in the hospital. Maybe there were some nice foster parents who could take her in until then, so hopefully, she wouldn't have to stay in some clinical children's home. Astrid's heart sank at these thoughts, and she threw Lissy a concerned glance. The girl didn't look very happy, as the woman kept talking. If she really was used to her mother being in the hospital then she probably was also used to being cared for by the youth farewell. 

And it didn't seem to be something she was looking forward to. She looked down at the floor and nodded her defeated acceptance to whatever the woman offered her. The sight was heartbreaking…

Astrid joined their conversation then without thinking about it. Maybe she should have done so first. Right now was really not a good time and she surely should have asked Hiccup's opinion about it at least. In hindsight, these were valid points she should have considered. But none of them occurred to her at that moment.

"She can stay with us!" Astrid threw in and got a surprised look by the woman in her suit while Lissy beamed at her. Hiccup, however, made only a desperate and somehow strangled noise.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Astrid... was that really such a good idea?


	8. 07 - Both Sides (1/2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember how incredibly long this chapter became; the first I ever had to split if I remember correctly. 🤔  
> So for this and the next chapter as well, we'll be switching POV between Hiccup and Astrid quite frequently. I so love to play with POVs... ^^

** Hiccup **

Without really remembering how, Hiccup found himself standing in the middle of the corridor. With every passing hour, this day got worse and worse, and all he seemed to be able to do about it was watch helplessly. He’d hoped that after reuniting Elisabeth– _Lissy!_ he firmly reminded himself. Accidentally calling her by her full name when he wasn't supposed to have heard it before, that would give away more than he was willing to – with her mother, he would get a break, that _they_ would get a break! He’d hoped to get the chance to talk to Astrid even though he still wasn't sure what he wanted to tell her. He still couldn't believe that this girl should be his daughter, it just didn't make any sense. The more he thought about it the surer he was that, if he really should be the father, Carina would have contacted him long ago already. They had parted as friends, and although he had no experiences of his own he figured it wasn't exactly _easy_ to raise a child as a single parent. Gobber had always relied upon Astrid's mother as well, but from what he knew by now, Lissy had no-one else who would care for her besides her mother. Why hadn't Carina contacted him earlier if not for the simple fact that she had no reason to contact him at all? No, he didn't believe to be a father, _refused_ to believe it until he had any proof.

He’d hoped to have some time until then. Heather had said she would need two days to get the results. Enough time to think about what he would do either way. How should he… _could_ he proceed, whatever the outcome of Heather's test would be? In any case, he probably wouldn't be able to simply ignore what happened. Carina had been a friend, he couldn't deny this fact and if she needed help now, he wouldn't ignore her – even though her behaviour had been more than dubious. Ignoring a friend in need… that just wasn't in him! Whatever happened though, he would need to talk to Carina as soon as she woke up, no matter how much he dreaded this conversation… She belonged to a part of his life he would rather forget, and he'd hoped to be able to leave it all behind him after that episode a few weeks ago. But now, his stupidity had caught up with him once more. For, in the end, only this conversation would bring any clarity into this mess.

For now, things had only become more confusing though. Astrid's offer to take Lissy in made everything more complicated. He would have to deal with her presence for some time now as he doubted Carina would be able to leave the hospital for a week or two at least. And apparently, the girl had no idea who he was. Or was supposed to be… Aside from the fact that he didn't want to bother Astrid with a _problem_ that probably didn’t even exist, he wouldn't want to give Lissy any ideas or hopes as well.

Two days… he would only have to get through these two days and then, hopefully, he would know more, enough to know what to do. _Two days!_ he thought with a burst of humorless laughter. Well, he had been able to keep a secret for that long before…

"Mr Haddock?" a voice suddenly startled him out of his contemplations, and when he looked up his eyes focused on the plump form of head nurse Margaret. The elderly woman looked at him with concern in her eyes – even though her fists rested impatiently on her hips.

"Yeah… Sorry, I'm coming," he mumbled and followed her as she disappeared into her office again. When he entered it as well, she was searching the drawered of her desk, the receiver of her telephone stuck between her ear and shoulder. In a daze, Hiccup waited in the doorway while she talked to the person on the other side.

"Christy, dear, this is Margaret. How are you? – Ah, nice to hear that, and she's getting better? Fine, fine… – Listen, there's a man coming over to you in a few minutes to get the belongings of one… Carina Johnson. You had her in the ER a few hou– yeah, that's the one I'm talking about. You have her stuff ready? – Yes, I'll give him the correct documents, don't you worry! And just for your records, his name is Haddock, tall, brown hai– what? Yes, it's _the_ Hiccup Haddock, dear Freya singing… – Oh, whatever, ask him yourself if you must… – Yeah, see you, bye" Disbelievingly, the elderly nurse shook her head and placed the receiver back on its place. Then she pulled out a sheet of paper and began to fill it out, mumbling incoherently to herself. Hiccup waited, uncomfortably, until she handed him the paper.

"Here, give this to my colleague in the ER. She'll know what to do. And as you've probably heard you have a fan down there, Mr Haddock." She winked at him and he grimaced. That was just what he needed today… "She'll ask you tons of questions but feel free to ignore her. And that was an order, by the way. You look like ignoring her would be healthier today. How is this thing with your leg working out anyway? I've never seen anything like that and I've seen a lot in my life. Oh, and congratulations on your engagement, by the way. I read about it, I'm so happy for…" 

Hiccup's grimace turned into an involuntary but honest smile as the nurse kept on babbling. She and her staff here had known and helped him long before he'd become _famous,_ and he knew her congratulations were heartfelt. He would never forget how she'd allowed Astrid to stay with him long past visiting hours and often even through the night as she'd seen how well her presence did him. Being here in the ICU again wasn't as bad as he would have thought. Many happy memories belonged to this place even though almost all of them contained physical pain as well. But that was something he was able to deal with by now. And the people here reminded him of an easier and simpler time. At least compared to today…

"Thank you, Margaret," he interrupted the nurse gently with a smile. "For everything! But I'd better go now and get this stuff. There's still a lot to do today…" he trailed off and the nurse nodded.

"Of course! I heard you two are going to take care of that girl. That so good of you! I know she'll be in good hands and told the youth social worker so as well. Please, relay my best wishes for your fiancee. I haven't seen her yet or I would have told her myself." Hiccup smiled once more and waved before he turned around and left the office.

Under normal circumstances, he would have loved to chat for a little while longer with the elderly nurse, but today was anything but normal… Talking to her had lightened his mood, though. It had reminded him of how even the most dreadful of days would end eventually. Only two days and then he would know for sure…

**. o O o .**

** Astrid **

Astrid looked down at the sorry remains in front of them and couldn't help but feel a little hopeless. This was all they had been able to save out of Carina Johnson's car? There was the woman's purse, highly singed but intact, a torn and partly burned bag with the destroyed remains of clothes and a colourful trunk in the same state of destruction. The only piece that seemed to have made it out mostly unscathed was a small, light green children's backpack with a nameplate that read 'Elisabeth Johnson'.

"That's all that was left?" she asked out loud, discouraged, and Hiccup nodded with a similar expression on his face as well. He kneeled down and reached for the nameplate, hand shaking, and she threw him a worried glance before she, too, kneeled down and reached for the backpack. "This is probably the only thing that's still of any use and certainly the most important right now anyway."

"Huh," Hiccup grunted with an annoyed expression on his face and got up again. "What makes you think so? Wouldn't we rather need… I don't know… clothes or something?" he asked sarcastically while offering her his hand to help her up as well. A completely superfluous gesture but a kind one nonetheless. 

She looked up at him for a moment though, hesitating before taking his hand, and eyed him thoughtfully. Sarcasm had always been a weapon for him and one he wielded with perfection. For him to use it now and on her… But no, it hadn't been directed at her, not really, the offered hand had made that clear. But why was he lashing out then, and at whom? Or at what? Well, she had a suspicion...

She took his offered hand and, when back on her feet, stretched to give him a peck on the cheek to let him know she wasn't upset. Hiccup turned his head at the last moment though, met her lips with his and used his hold on her hand to draw her closer toward him. It was a strange kiss, chaste with lips only, and yet she could feel the longing and desperation in it as those feeling found their echo deep inside her as well. She leaned against him more heavily, tried to relay all her love for him through this kiss and the assurance that _somehow_ everything would work out. Because, despite both their calm demeanour, she knew neither of them was _okay_ right now. He still hadn't told her what upset him, so she couldn't help him there. But there really hadn't been time to talk so far. And her own worries were enough for now anyway…

Hiccup's arms around her tightened once more before he ended their kiss and pressed his forehead against hers instead, eyes screwed shut and breathing heavily. "I love you!" he gasped out, but he sounded desperate. The tone of his voice made her heart shrink and her next breath came in almost as a hiccoughing sob. What was it today that made him desperate like this? Why couldn't he just tell her and be done with it? Did he really still feared he could scare her away with anything he did? Ah, but yes, of course, he did! And he probably would never stop doing so...

She lifted her hand and let it rest on his cheek while putting in a lot of effort into keeping it from trembling. "I know!" she breathed. "And I love you, too. Nothing will ever change that, remember?" 

He made a strangled grunt at that and Astrid bit her lip at his ongoing hopelessness. Why didn't he simply tell her…

"Mr Haddock? Ms Hofferson?" sounded a voice from the corridor toward them, and Astrid took a reluctant step back before the door to this currently unused room opened. One of the younger nurses poked in her head, a relieved smile on her face when she spotted them. "Ah, here you are!" she exclaimed and Astrid dropped her head to hide her anxiety. Why couldn't they have just a few minutes to themselves, dammit? "The girl, Lissy… She asked after the two of you. She said she'd be ready to go?"

"Thank you, Maryse," Hiccup said, and once more Astrid admired him for his ability to switch into this calm business mode in the blink of an eye. "We'll be there in a moment" The nurse nodded and disappeared into the corridor again.

_Right… Lissy…_ Astrid thought with a grimace. Again, she'd almost forgotten the girl over Hiccup and his strange behaviour today. She had to focus, it had been her idea to take care of her after all. Hiccup hadn't been all that happy about her offer, that much she'd noticed, but now it was too late to take it back and he played along, grudgingly. So it was up to her now, to make this work and to keep up a tolerably good mood. Not the easiest task when all she wanted to do was to wrap herself in a blanket and hide in her bed…

Astrid took a deep breath and forced a smile on her face. "Well, clothes can be bought, or so I've heard," she said and tried to sound cheerful. She swung the small backpack over one shoulder and pulled Hiccup along toward the door. "Let's go and play mom and dad!" she added jokingly but Hiccup only grimaced.

**. o O o .**

** Hiccup **

Hiccup sighed, again, and followed Astrid and Elisabeth into yet another clothing store. If he was honest with himself it wasn't like they'd been in all that many already – it actually had been only two – but it still felt like too much. But then, everything felt like _too much_ for him right now…

Astrid had been right, in the end, the small green backpack seemed to be more important than most other things they could have retrieved of Elisabeth’s’s belongings. She’d squealed when she'd spotted it in Astrid's hand, finally behaving like the child she was, and had clutched it to her chest tightly.

"A bag like this contains all a child's treasures…" she'd explained, murmuring at his side while they'd both watched the girl. "The trunk was for her clothes and other things she _needed_. The backpack though? That's for the things she _wanted_ to bring!" 

This was astonishingly logical and he'd thrown Astrid a surprised glance. She'd sounded dejected somehow, her happy front crumbling for a short time as she'd seemed to be caught in some memory or other. A moment later, she'd reached for his hand though, had interlaced her fingers with his, and had forced the smile back on her face. He'd admired her for being able to do this, even though it had been painfully obvious to him that she, too, hadn't been as calm and happy as she tried to appear. It had taken him some time to get used to Elisabeth's… to _Lissy's_ presence, to be able to function around her. The mere thought of who she might be was dizzying, to say the least, and he was still far from being able to act normal around her. But at least he'd gotten accustomed enough to her presence that he'd begun to register other things besides his own thoughts again. Like Astrid's anxiety.

Something was bothering her as well, but as with his own _problem_ , there hadn't been time yet to talk about it. Gods, they needed to talk… But as it was, probably many hours would pass before they would get the chance to do so.

Luckily, Astrid wasn't that fond of clothes shopping under normal circumstances either, and although she showed far more enthusiasm now as they were sifting through the children's department, he hoped they wouldn't have to spend too much more time here. Because _here_ meant the mall, and a Monday afternoon wasn't exactly the best time to be in public for him. In fact, there was practically no good time for him to be in public these days anymore, but the afternoons surely were the worst… He registered the many curious looked they earned by other customers and the occasional salesgirl as well, and groaned inwardly. But at least he seemed to look irritated enough so that for once no one had approached him. Yet.

He spotted Astrid between the clothes racks as she showed Lissy a few more shirts, and the girl picked two of them, hesitantly. To him, Astrid's euphoria seemed off, too bright, too exaggerated, but then he knew her, knew that this was not her usual behaviour. She tried too hard to be cheerful, for Lissy's sake probably, but he saw how much it cost her.

He sat down near the fitting room and waited, just like he'd done in the other shops before. He wasn't really able to concentrate on anything trivial like _clothes_ right now and had given up on trying to support their search for a few suitable outfits after the first attempts. Instead, he tried once more to sort through his thoughts and to reign in his mixed feeling.

It was a good thing that Lissy was so focused on Astrid. That way, he didn't need to interact directly with her all that much and could simply watch her for now. She obviously wasn't that fond of shopping either and only followed Astrid wherever she went. She was hesitant about the clothes as well, careful about how many she picked, and more than once he overheard how Astrid reassured her it didn't matter how much they'd had to spend on them. This reminded him of Carina's demands, something he hadn't thought of all that much during the last hours. She'd wanted money, nothing more. No attention, not his care or any form of support. Only money… It had angered him, but now he wondered. Seeing how careful Lissy was… She probably wasn't used to buying more than was absolutely necessary.

After they'd choose the pieces they wanted to take, Hiccup went to wait in the huge line at the register while Astrid took Lissy to a shoe store. That would be the last point on their list, so soon they would finally be able to leave.

"What a cute girl," the saleswoman said casually when it was his turn. 

Hiccup suppressed a groan. He knew that tone by now. It could have been just polite small talk with a customer but there was this slightly nervous edge, indicating how excited she was. Because of him. And she was referring to Lissy, with whom he hadn't interacted at all while in this shop. He decided to not answer her.

"Was she your niece or something?" the woman tried anew and this time Hiccup couldn't hold back the grimace. 

Obviously, she _knew_ who he was and that they weren't just another normal family, so she probably also knew that neither he nor Astrid had any relatives to speak of. How on Midgard should she be his niece… But he also noticed the barely hidden, curious glances he got from the surrounding customers as well and decided to do some damage limitation. He so not wanted to read the newspapers of the following days…

"She's the daughter of a friend," he said truthfully, loud enough for everyone around him to hear as well. Maybe that would keep the gossip at a minimum… The saleswoman blushed in embarrassment though which alone made it worth to have answered. Without another word, she packed the clothes into a plastic bag,  and only seconds later, he left the shop and went to look for Astrid and Lissy.

He met them as planned near the big fountain at the mall's centre, and Astrid got up instantly to greet him with a quick kiss while the girl stared disbelievingly at her new sneakers. 

"Hey, you made it out unscathed," she said cheerfully and winked at him. 

He looked at her for a moment, searched and found the traces of her anxiety but played along and made an effort to sound equally light. "Yeah, but it was a hard fight. You should see the other ones, though." She rewarded him with a grateful smile and then turned to grab a shoebox that stood aside Lissy on the bench.

"Here, does this fit into one of these bags?" she asked and stepped toward him again, maybe even a little closer than was necessary, and he pulled open the biggest bag for her to stash the box inside it as well. "I'd like to go to the pharmacy to buy the painkillers Dr C. advised us to get for her," Astrid said then in a low voice so that Lissy couldn't hear her. "Maybe you two could get us something for dinner and we meet at the car later?"

Hiccup tensed up inwardly. He’d successfully avoided being alone with the girl so far, but of course, he couldn't do so forever. "Alright…" he agreed reluctantly. "Any preferences?" The question had been rhetorical, really, as he knew very well what she liked best, and so it actually surprised him when she shook her head, biting her lip.

"I think Lissy should decide," she said reluctantly and he nodded. That actually was a good suggestion but he could see that she had something else on her mind as well. His gaze lingered on her for a moment longer, scrutinizing her, and he frowned when she averted her eyes and began to fidget. But it was like a curse today, this was not a good time or place to talk. Again!

"Alright!" he said again and took a deep breath to prepare himself. He hadn't talked much to Lissy up until now and surely hadn't approached her on his own before. Answering her questions had been hard enough, but now he wouldn't be able to avoid it any longer. He felt Astrid's gaze upon him as he stepped past her and crouched down in front of the blond girl.

"Hey, Lissy," he began, voice shaking slightly, and she looked up at him apprehensively. "So, Astrid has to run another errand; how about we go and fetch something to eat while she's busy? What would you like to have for dinner? You can choose whatever you want today." It felt so odd to casually talk to her. This morning he never would have _dreamed_ of this situation, during the day the mere _thought_ of her existence had haunted him, and now… Now, her gaze wandered from him to Astrid behind him, came to rest on him again and she grinned, light eyes shining brightly.

"Can I have pizza?" she asked hopefully and he chuckled. So Astrid would get what she wanted after all.

"Of course!" Hiccup answered with a small smile. "And I know exactly where we'll get it."

**. o O o .**

** Astrid **

Astrid watched Hiccup and Lissy as they made their way through the crowd toward the exit of the mall. Carlo's Pizzeria was just outside on the other side of the street, near to where they'd parked the car anyway. She’d hoped, Lissy would ask for something else, something that would take them longer, something that would give her more time… Well, it had to be enough now. She just hoped there wouldn't be all that many people at the pharmacy. Because she would need all the privacy she could get, having them back early to check on her just wouldn't do…

Relief washed through her when she entered the pharmacy a few minutes later and found it almost empty. An old woman was about to pack her medicines into the bag on her walking frame and in a corner, two younger women were talking in front of the rack for dietary supplements. Astrid eyed them worriedly but decided she probably wouldn't have a choice. They didn't look like they would leave soon. The pharmacist that had served the older woman looked up at her and smiled.

"Good day!" she greeted her. "What can I do for you, Miss...? Ms Hofferson is it, right?" 

Astrid held back a grimace and smiled instead. It was so odd to be recognized by strangers… But the woman on the other side of the counter seemed to be genuinely kind and not as nosy as many others. Astrid stepped closer and searched her purse for prescription Dr C. had given her.

"Good day. I need some pills…" She trailed off until she finally found the paper. "Ah, here it is. Some painkillers, the doctor wrote down the name," she added and handed the paper to the pharmacist. She seemed confused, though, and gave her a strange look.

"Are you sure, this is the right one?" She asked, puzzled. "These are for children under 12…?"

"I should hope so, they are for a nine-year-old girl," Astrid explained indignantly. Gods, having people know too much about her could be so annoying! She began to question her plan, considering to call it off but knew she couldn't do that. She _needed_ …

"Oh!" the other woman made and Astrid tried to stay calm. Her patience for this day was about to run out, really… "Just a moment then, Ms Hofferson. I'll get them." She disappeared into the backroom and Astrid sighed. Normally, this new attention she got didn't bother her as much, but today was _not_ a normal day. And this was not a normal shopping trip… She noticed how quiet it had become then. Had the other two women left after all? Astrid turned slightly, not really looking at where they'd stood but it was enough. Out of the corner of her eye, she could still see them standing there. They'd just stopped talking. Great!

The pharmacist returned, a small box in her hand, and handed it to her. " Here it is. Do you need instructions on how to take them?"

"No, thanks," Astrid said. "We already got instructions in the hospital."

The other woman nodded. "Was that all you needed?" she asked and Astrid bit her lip. 

Now or never! There was something else she needed. But did she really _dare_ to ask for it? Once again, the utter silence in this room disturbed her. She knew the pharmacist would be bound to professional discretion, but that didn't apply to those customers over there in their corner.

"Uhm…" Astrid hummed uncomfortably and discreetly indicated toward those other women, moving her eyes only. 

The pharmacist seemed to understand though and nodded slightly. With a "Wait a moment, please," she disappeared into the backroom again. A few moments later, another far older pharmacist appeared, walked past her with a slight nod and approached the two women, asking them if they needed any assistance and engaging them effectively into a conversation.

A relieved sigh escaped Astrid and she even smiled a little to herself when only a short while later, the women excused themselves and left the pharmacy. Finally, she was alone with the pharmacists. Maybe she was a little paranoid, but if she'd learned one thing during the last year then I'd was that curious eyes and ears were _everywhere_! And this surely was one thing for once she did _not_ want to be spread out in tomorrow's gossip columns!

"Works every time," the elderly pharmacist said with a sigh. "Nothing scares away customers like the offer of a friendly consolation... So, Ms Hofferson, what is it then you don't want anyone to know you need?"

Fifteen minutes later, Astrid left the pharmacy and made her way through the mall toward the exit and Carlo's Pizzeria. Instead of two small boxes as she’d expected, there were now three in her purse, thanks to the old pharmacist consultation, but she didn't dare to think too much about those. Not today, at least.

**. o O o .**

** Hiccup **

"Ah, Hiccup, my boy!" thundered a deep voice through the restaurant. 

With a grin, Hiccup turned toward its source, a bulky man with an almost bald head and a moustache. "Carlo!" he greeted him as the two men clasped hands. It was impossible not to like him. On many occasions, Hiccup silently laughed about how much Carlo looked like the cliché of a pizza baker though today was not one of them.

"I thought I would find you here," Carlo continued. "Pizza con prosciutto e tonno? There is only one person who would order this. Where is my beautiful Astrid anyway?" It was a routine, an in-joke of theirs. Carlo would call Astrid his beautiful and Hiccup would remind the bulky man, that she was _his_. But today was different. Today, he didn't dare to lay claim on her in any way.

"She's still running an errand," Hiccup explained and wondered, not for the first time, what Astrid had had in mind. Why wouldn't she want to take Lissy to the pharmacy? They both had seen how well-versed the girl had been in the hospital, surely a pharmacy wouldn't scare her in the least. No, that had been just a pretence, he was sure of it. But what could it be that she wanted to do instead? Well, he trusted her. She would tell him eventually, he was sure of that. "She'll come here when she's done" he added and wanted to scold himself for the gloomy tone in his voice.

Carlo studied him for a moment, and as so often he saw more than Hiccup would want anyone to see. "Trouble, eh? Ah, but I'm sure it's nothing a romantic dinner can't fix. I'll tell the girls to prepare your usual table in the back and you can talk it over. How does that sound?"

"Huh… That sounds perfect…" Hiccup mumbled with a grimace. He would love to do just that, to have a quiet hour with her, without any distractions. Carlo and his employees would make sure that no one would bother them… But of course, that was impossible… "But not today," he added reluctantly. "I'm here for takeaways only. We have a guest." 

With these words, he gestured toward Lissy who sat on one of the tables near the entrance. Soon after they'd arrived at Carlo's, she had settled there, had taken a worn-out pencil case and a sketch-pad out of her backpack ,and had begun to doodle. On their way here, he'd felt obliged to do some small talk but had soon ended up too self-conscious to ask any more questions when she clearly wasn't that talkative herself. And asking after her school, her friends, her hobbies, or even her birthday had seemed wrong to him. Of course, those might be harmless questions, but to him they tasted too much like an interrogation of some sort. The rest of their way they'd spent in mutual silence and he'd actually been glad when she'd retreated to that table and had seemed genuinely content with her scribbling. Because this at least was something he could relate to all too well. He knew how calming and satisfying it could be to concentrate on one's drawings only and forget everything else.

"Now, that's a surprise!" Carlo muttered and stepped toward Lissy's table. "And who are you, signorina?" he addressed the girl with the most gentle voice Hiccup had ever heard him use. Lissy, however, flinched nonetheless and turned toward the bulky man abruptly. She blinked at him in confusion and then looked around the room as if she'd forgotten where she was. When her gaze landed on him, Hiccup gave her an encouraging smile which she returned a moment later. He walked over to her table as well as Lissy turned to Carlo again.

"I'm Lissy," she stated calmly, though Hiccup noticed how she almost by chance placed her small hand on the paper and pushed it aside. "Astrid's taking care of me while my mom is in the hospital," she explained matter-of-factly, and once again Hiccup was surprised by her levelheadedness. Shouldn't a situation like this disturb her more? But she just sat there and talked about her injured mother and about how complete strangers were taking her in like it was nothing out of the ordinary.

He wasn't really following their conversation as his mind began to wander again. Not for the first time, he wondered about how unlike a child of her age she acted. She was too calm, too sober with everything that had happened to her today. He hadn't seen or thought about Carina in ten years, but her letter had stirred up his emotions in so many ways and seeing her lying in that hospital bed – that had been a shock to him! But Lissy hadn't been disturbed at all. Or if so, then she'd been very good at hiding her emotions. Her sober, almost clinical behaviour… Somehow it reminde– 

"You really are one fascination girl, signorina Lissy," Carlo's voice suddenly distracted him from his thoughts, and Hiccup let them slip. He hadn't liked the direction they went anyway. "But you have to excuse me now, your pizza won't bake itself. Until the next time." He waved over his shoulder and disappeared into the kitchen again. Lissy looked after him for a moment, and although Hiccup couldn't see her face, she seemed thoughtful.

"He's a friendly man," she stated a moment later before turning her attention back to her sketch-pad. 

Hiccup smirked slightly but decided to not comment on her estimation. It was a right one, of course, but she'd barely talked to him for more than two minutes. Instead, he let his gaze drop over her shoulder and onto the paper in front of her – and stopped short. He wasn't really sure what he'd expected to see. He wasn't experienced with the usual drawing skill of a nine-year-old girl, but he had thought of flowers or other forms, of imprecise sketches of animals or maybe some comic characters. But he surely hadn't expected a precise study of the flower vase and the condiments that stood in front of her in the middle of the table. Her drawing skills lacked a certain know-how, her technique was imprecise and callow, but her talent was undeniable. The proportions and angles were almost perfect and although she'd only began to add shadows and other details he already could tell that she had a good eye for these things. And he _could_ tell because _he_ had a good eye for these things as well.

Hiccup turned away, biting his lip, and took a deep breath. Surely, that was just a coincidence. Hadn't Carina been good at drawing as well? He wasn't sure anymore, didn't really remember that much about her. But this didn't mean anything, it couldn't– 

 He sat down at one of the high chairs at the counter and wished more than ever before that he could order a drink, some alcohol to calm down his nerves. He’d never been that fond of drinking before his accident, but he'd appreciated its ability to numb his sometimes overactive mind for a while. Right now, he wanted nothing more than to simply stop thinking, just for a while, just to stop the same thoughts from turning around and around in circles inside his head.

She wasn't his daughter... She _couldn't_ be his daughter. Oh, please, Freya, don't let her be his daughter! Because if she really was… What would that mean? He couldn't see himself with Carina again, couldn't imagine acting out being a family. That would do neither of them justice anyway. And what about Astrid? She had never judged him, not once although she knew of all his guilt and failures. She even knew about Carina, although he'd never mentioned her name. But having a history was one thing, they'd both accepted each other's past. They both had done things they weren't proud of, but those belonged to days long gone and didn't affect them anymore. Lissy though? If she really was his daughter then she would affect his life, nothing could change that. He loved Astrid more than his life and she had assured him that she felt the same. But could she accept the sudden appearance of one or maybe even two other persons in their lives? Their ways had been connected right from the beginning, but only now were they about to begin their shared journey through life. They hadn't made any big plans yet, life was unpredictable anyway, but surely this was not what she'd bargained for. Of course, it happened that people accepted their partner's kids into their lives as well, but in those cases these people normally _knew_ about those kids before they made any commitments. Astrid was strong, the strongest person he knew, but even she couldn't endure everything. Maybe he should call their engagement off, set her free to choose without any ties. Maybe she would choose him again, even with this caught up past. But he knew he wouldn't have the strength to do that. Astrid was his strength, his light, his home. Without her… No, he couldn't even think about it. Those thoughts only led down a dark, dark road in his heart and he wasn't sure whether he would ever have the strength to leave this street once more if he ever were to set a foot on it again. Oh, please, Freya, don't let her be his daughter!

**. o O o .**

** Astrid **

When Astrid reached Carlo's Pizzeria, she paused before she opened the door to compose herself. She was afraid. It didn't happen often that she felt that way and it was even rarer for her to admit it to herself. But now, she was afraid. She was afraid of the future, of how their lives would continue after the next few days.

But those were problems she wouldn't be able to solve now. Maybe there weren't even any problems, maybe she was wrong. Maybe she worried for nothing.

She wrapped her arms around herself and kept telling herself this until she had calmed down enough to function again. She put a smile on her lips and tried to banish the anxiety out of her eyes before she opened the heavy wooden door and entered. The scent of freshly made pizza waved over her, and her mood lightened instantly. It was a scent she connected with so many happy memories, with laughter and fun. And with Hiccup. Always with Hiccup. He was all she needed, he was home. Somehow, everything would work out…

When she entered the main room a moment later, the scene in front of her confused her for a moment. Three white boxes lay on the counter and the familiar face of Carlo Cesario greeted her as the man approached her, arms open for one of his bear hugs. He said something, but his words didn't register in her mind as she reflexively returned his friendly affection. Her eyes wandered through the room, though, and soon found what they were looking for.

Hiccup sat at the counter, something he usually never did and stared down at the polished surface. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts again and not in a good way, tensed up all over. Seeing him like this hurt, but first, she needed… Her gaze wandered on and she found Lissy at the table to her right, scribbling contently and humming to herself. She seemed to be alright for now.

Astrid freed herself out of Carlo's arms and, with an apologetic smile, walked past him toward the counter. Without a moment's hesitation, she wrapped her arms around Hiccup's torso and pressed her cheek against his back, inhaling deeply. He was all she needed…

She felt him relax beneath her touch and heard him exhale before he stirred and turned around. A moment later, his arms were around her, too, and Astrid relaxed as well. Everything would work out… somehow…

They stood like this for several seconds but then Carlo cleared his throat and they parted reluctantly. "Glad to see you're not really fighting," the bulky man muttered, grinning, and nodded toward Lissy. "But in case you've forgotten…" 

_Right…_ Astrid reprimanded herself once again. _Lissy…_

"Right…" Hiccup exhaled. "Did you get what you needed?" he asked, and she saw in his eyes that he suspected something. Well, it wasn't like she was keeping something from him on purpose… She just needed a little more time…

"Yeah, I got everything. Let go home." She felt so tired. This had been such a strange and long day but she knew they would still have several hours in front of them as it wasn't really that late yet.

Hiccup's eyes softened and he gave her a strange look, full of longing and sadness.

"Yeah" he breathed. "Home…"

 


	9. 08 - Both Sides (2/2)

08 - Both Sides - Part II

** Astrid **

Whenever Astrid entered her – or rather _their –_ apartment, a certain sense of security settled deep inside her. This was her home, it had always been her home, and although it didn't belong to just her anymore and even with the massive alterations they'd made during the last year, it was still… _home_. _Their_ home. Here, she'd always felt safe and after Hiccup had moved in, it had become everything she'd ever wanted. It was her safe haven in so many aspects of this word, her little piece of Valhalla, and she only shared it with the few people she loved.

They'd thought about moving, about buying or building a house somewhere to have more space than a simple three-bedroom apartment could offer. But they both had been reluctant. Almost without exceptions all their happy memories, whether from their time as kids or now as grown-ups, belonged to this apartment. They'd had so many sleepovers here when they were small, and later, there'd always been this small working bench with a second set of tools here in Astrid's room for the not so rare occasions when Hiccup suddenly _needed_ to work on one of his inventions. Astrid was pretty sure that it had been here, probably during one of their countless movie nights, where they'd first fallen in love with each other, and it had been here where they'd comforted each other after that accident at the docks. It had been here where they'd met and reconnected after those long ten years without each other, it had been here where they'd had their first time together, and it had been here where they'd started to build their shared life. Moving someplace else, that had never been a  real option.

And so, they'd stayed. And although it didn't look much like the place she'd grown up in anymore, it still _felt_ like home. After some efforts of persuasion, they'd been allowed to merge their apartments into one by tearing down the wall between them. Their shared bedroom, her training room, her converted walk-in closet with all her gear and equipment, and the living room had stayed where they'd been before. But where her and Hiccup's small separate kitchens had been there was now one wide open kitchen space with a counter around it. On the other side of this kitchen, where Hiccup's or more precisely the Ingerman's apartment had been, were now the rooms they didn't use as often but still had needed. The former living room had become a formal dining room instead and the bigger bedroom now held Hiccup's workshop while the smaller rooms had become his office and a guest room with a bed, a closet and a desk in it. This more formal part of their home was for meetings with business partners and for the occasional social events they were bound to be a part of. It was something they'd needed but didn't really want to be a part of their daily life and this solution was just perfect for them. Two entrances for two different parts of their life.

Astrid loved their home, loved that they'd been able to stay here, loved that it was still their home despite the alterations, and she loved that the private part was still private and something they only ever shared with those dear to them. 

And now, Lissy was here too…

The girl had been very quiet throughout the whole day, in the hospital, in the mall, at Carlo's, and during their ride here as well. Maybe she was always like this, not very talkative and more withdrawn by nature, and Astrid was convinced that, to a degree, this indeed was the case. But somehow, she still had the feeling that this was not her usual behaviour, that she, too, had something that bothered her and made her more thoughtful than usual. Well, she probably would find out sooner or later. 

For now, the girl stayed as quiet as she'd been all day. After they'd entered the apartment she'd inspect the homey living room with the countless pictures on the walls for quite some time, and while they'd eaten and had tried to keep up a casual conversation, she'd just listened, her mind obviously working through a lot.

Talking lightly with Hiccup and trying to make Lissy participate in their conversation was _difficult_ – especially since the girl seemed to be determined to stay quiet and when there were so many other, heavier things she and Hiccup needed to talk about. Soon, Astrid ended up without any more easy topics to bring up, and after Lissy had answered a few more questions with monosyllabic grunts only, Astrid gave up. They spent the rest of their dinner in silence, everyone caught up in his own thoughts, but Astrid found that wasn’t such a bad alternative. It was a surprisingly comfortable silence after she'd accepted it, and she gladly used it to get some order into her own thoughts.

Earlier, right after they'd arrived in their apartment, she'd brought her pharmacy purchases into the bathroom. Lissy's painkillers she'd placed into their medicine cabinet where they would be ready at hand in case they needed them. The other two boxes had been more tricky, though. She'd open the one she'd bought in addition to take one of the small pills, just like the old pharmacist had advised her to do, before she’d then hidden both boxes in the back of the drawer that was reserved for her make-up and sanitary articles. She couldn't do more today anyway, needed to wait… until tomorrow if she dared, or until another day. 

If only things hadn't become so _complicated_ today. She couldn't tell Hiccup, not yet…

**. o O o .**

** Hiccup **

Dealing with Lissy became easier over time. Or rather, dealing with her presence at least… It was still strange to have her around, but by now he at least functioned reasonably well again. But then, it wasn’t as if he had a choice. She would stay here, in their apartment and in their lives, for quite some time. He simply _had_ to get used to her, there was no other option. 

So he was glad about Astrid’s suggestions about what to do now. A practical and also logically necessary activity like arranging their guest room for her was a great help for him to acclimatize to this new situation. It was something to do, something where he didn't need to concentrate too much, just enough to keep his mind from wandering. Opening the window for ventilation? Check. Removing some dust and hoovering? Check. Making up the bed with fresh sheets? Check.

This room wasn't used very often so it had been in a rather sorry state, really. The last occupant had been one of the few more likeable business partners of his, one he would maybe even call a friend. Instead of letting him book a hotel room, they'd offered their guest room to him, which was the reason why they had this room anyway. For now at least… 

But even this was months ago, and by now, it was just dusty and stuffy. After he was done with his tasks, he glanced around the room once more and sighed. Not the most homely or friendly room, surely not fitting for a kid but it had to do, he mused, scratching his neck. 

Behind him, the door opened and Astrid entered, carrying in Lissy's green backpack and the bags with her new clothes.

"Lissy is taking a shower," she announced with a sigh as he took the bags out of her hand to place them on the freshly made bed. She looked tired and worn out somehow, as if she needed a good night's rest and badly, too. 

Before either of them could start unpacking the bag, he took her into his arms and buried his nose into her hair, inhaling deeply. After they'd arrived at their apartment, their evening had become much calmer, but having Lissy here still kept it from being _relaxing_. It was just too strange. They had no idea what to do with her, and trying to keep her entertained took its toll. This quiet moment now… He needed this to get grounded again, to get a grip on what was important, on what to do now. And apparently, the same was true for Astrid as well. She wrapped her arms around his torso and drew herself tight against him, her face buried against his shoulder. He felt her trembling for a moment and then relax in his arms.

"You all right?" he asked, even though it was a stupid question. _Of course_ , she wasn't all right, even a blind man could see that. But then, that was not what he meant. If Lissy took a shower then they probably had a few minutes to themselves. Not all that much, far from _enough_ , but at least it was something. If she wanted to talk…

But she just shook her head against his shoulder and made a strange noise, something between a sob and a laugh. "And you?" she asked in a shaky voice, and he guessed the noise that escaped him then sounded much like hers. 

Right… So, neither of them was _all right_. But a few minutes were far too little time, _again_. And even if they had more time… What would he tell her? Should he tell her who Carina was? That she'd been the girl with whom he'd had some sort of relationship once? What good would that do? He had no feelings for Carina and only loved Astrid. The simple fact that she'd stumbled back into his life now didn't change anything. And he wouldn't tell her about her bolt statement concerning Lissy and who she was. Not until he had any proof either way. Astrid was upset enough, whatever it was that bothered her, he didn't want to burden her further with what was most likely just a false accusation.

**. o O o .**

** Astrid **

Standing there in Hiccup's arms – it was all she wanted to do right now. They could try to talk things over, she supposed. But in her case at least, she didn't have enough information to come to any solution, so why bother? The upcoming days would bring all necessary revelations and until then, fretting about something she wasn't even sure about didn't make much sense. Yeah… right… She would keep telling this to herself until, maybe, she would believe it as well…

She tightened her arms around him for a last moment to chase away her demons for a little while longer before she let go of him, the mask of that easy smile in place again. "Let's get things ready here," she said, and reached for one of the bags with the clothes. She wanted to sort them into the wardrobe to make this room as much of a home for Lissy as was possible for the duration of her stay. 

Hiccup didn't answer, but after watching her for a short while longer, he grabbed one of the other bags and helped her. But even though they worked in silence next to each other, every so often their fingers met and paused for a moment or their hands brushed over each other's arms or backs. They _needed_ each other! There were many unsaid things between them right now, but that didn't really matter. They would sort out everything when the time came, this was just another obstacle in their way, just another challenge, she had to believe in that. Right now, all they needed was the reassurance of each other's presence, their closeness, and their love.

When all the colourful clothes had been tucked away onto the shelves, Astrid reached for the light green backpack. Lissy had given her permission to open it and arrange the things inside as well. It wasn't all that much anyway. There was the much-used pencil case and the sketchpad the girl had used at Carlo's already and another notebook that could be a diary, and she placed those on the desk in case Lissy would want to draw some more later. Astrid remembered seeing her sitting there in silence and drawing back in the restaurant, completely oblivious to her surroundings… It had been such a strange sight, so oddly famil-

_No!_

Astrid closed her eyes and tore herself away from this thought. She reached into the backpack again and found a small photo frame with a picture of Lissy and her mother in it. The resemblance between mother and daughter were astounding. On this picture, Carina Johnson's hair was longer and reached halfway down her back just like Lissy's did now, too. Those were the same silvery blond strands and the same grey-blue eyes. Well, almost… They also had the same slim frame, the same slender shoulders… And all these similarities made the few differences all the more obvious. Astrid deliberately placed the frame on the small nightstand and looked up at Hiccup who'd stepped toward the desk to flip through the sketchpad.

Of course, this would draw his attention… She watched him for a while, smiling to herself before she dared to interrupt his contemplations and asked, "Anything interesting in there?" 

He flinched, startled, then hastily closed the sketchpad again and turned toward her. "These aren't too bad," he muttered, shrugging. "She has talent, I'd say. And what's this?" He nodded toward the photo frame. 

Astrid didn't bother to answer, it was obvious anyway. Instead, she reached into the backpack again and retrieved the last piece, a plush toy, completely in black. She stared at it for a moment – and then began to laugh.

**. o O o .**

** Hiccup **

Hiccup's gaze was locked firmly on the sketchpad in front of him. He’d wanted to ask Lissy about it but hadn't really dared to address her directly during their meal. Again, it had felt wrong for him to be the one to ask her any questions. And then, she hadn't been all that talkative anyway. But here it was, lying directly in front of him – and Lissy had given them permission to look at the things in her backpack, hadn't she? Well, she'd given it to Astrid and maybe it didn't exactly cover looking at her sketches, but… 

But he was just so _curious_! He just _had_ to take a look at her drawings. It wasn't even so much about the motives, as he very well knew how personal the choice of motives could be. No, what he wanted to take a look at was the level of skill and talent in those pictures. It was _possible_ that the apparent talent he'd noticed in her sketch earlier had been more of a fluke, a coincidence. Maybe she wasn't as talented after all. Maybe…

He flipped through the pages and with every new picture he saw, his heart sank further. She was good. _Very_ good! 

Hiccup swallowed and tried to not let his emotions show on his face. Instead, he stared unseeingly down at the desk, not really noticing the pictures anymore when he heard Astrid's voice. 

"Anything interesting in there?" she asked with an amused tone in her voice and he hastily closed the sketchpad. He wasn't really supposed to look at it and he knew that. But there was no point in pretending now; she'd obviously caught him red-handed. Had there been any interesting pictures? He didn't remember, really, hadn't paid attention at all…

"These aren't too bad. She has talent, I'd say," he said as calmly as he could muster, the only thing he could come up with and it was the truth after all. "And what's this?" he inquired, simply to change the topic, and looked at what she'd place on the nightstand. _Stupid question!_ he scolded himself as he recognized a photo frame. Unsurprisingly, the picture showed Lissy and Carina – and the lack of anyone else in it was painfully obvious to him. Should he be in this picture as well? He still couldn't imagine himself there, but– 

Astrid's laughter startled him out of his gloomy thoughts, and his head whipped around to look at her again. His life… _their_ lives, really, were about to crumble and break. How could she _laugh_ in a situation like this? But of course, she had no idea… 

"Didn't you use to have one just like this when we were kids?" she asked, and held her hands with a black lump in it up and toward him.

He blinked. For a moment, he couldn't really comprehend what it was he was looking at. Or well… Obviously, it was a plush toy, one that was valuable enough for Lissy to bring on this vacation of theirs. It was all black and from the looks of it used very frequently, with the fabric rough and slightly torn at a few places. But then he realized that it wasn't _all black –_ and recognized it. He recognized the bright green eyes and the small white teeth of the little lizard, and as Astrid turned it around to look at it herself again, he saw the bright red fin on its tail. Despite everything, he chuckled. Astrid had been right, he used to have one exactly like this.

"Right, it looks exactly like Tegs," he said, grinning. "Maybe a little more outworn. Too bad I lost mine, they would make quite a pair," he added, still laughing. Funny, that Lissy had one of these, too.

"You lost him? Oh no! He was so cute," Astrid teased him. His old plush dragon had always been the target of her mockery, but he'd loved the little monster nonetheless.

"Yeah, during one of my relocations," he explained further. He actually _had_ been sad to have lost his childhood toy back then. "I thought I'd packed him into one of the boxes, but when I arranged my new apartment, I couldn't find him anymore. He was just… gone…" He trailed off at the end as the memories of these days resurfaced once again today. Yes, he remembered… It had been the relocation from their dorm into his own apartment at the end of his second year at the college. Could it be… Had Carina…?

"Huh, this one doesn't growl, though," Astrid stated, oblivious to his inner struggles as she repeatedly pressed on the dragon's belly. "But I can feel the mechanism inside: Maybe her mother turned it off or the batteries are dead." 

"You can't turn it off," Hiccup muttered absentmindedly as he reached for the toy himself. It was ten years ago… Would he be able to identify _his_ Tegs? He gulped when Astrid handed it to him and turned it around in his hands. He wasn't sure… Hadn't that loose thread at the eye been there on his toy, too? But there were so many loose threads now, it could be a coincidence. And how could this be his? He'd lost Tegs… This couldn't…

He placed the plush dragon on the bed and swallowed, once. "I think we're done here," he said and turned to leave the guest room.

**. o O o .**

** Astrid **

Worried about his behaviour, Astrid gazed after Hiccup as he hurriedly left the guest room. Something had upset him just now, but she did not know what exactly it had been. He acted so strangely today, and a part of her wanted to corner him and demand answers. It had never done either of them any good to try and keep something from the other, but…

But Heather had given her the advice to give him time. Astrid trusted her and she trusted Hiccup. Maybe things were different this time, maybe some time would help. It certainly would help in her case at least.

She shook her head to chase those gloomy thoughts away and took a last look around the room. This certainly wasn’t what a kid would want as their own room, but with the few personal items, it had at least gotten a little bit warmer. Maybe they could do a little more shopping tomorrow so that Lissy could choose some decoration, pictures or anything. She would have to stay for quite a while after all.

Astrid picked up the plush dragon again and a regretful smile crossed her face as she remembered a younger Hiccup holding his Tags in his arms and a not quite as young Hiccup defending the same from her teasing. She had liked the dragon, despite her mockery. It had always been a part of him somehow. To think that he lost him…

She got up and left the room as well, taking the toy with her. If it was important enough for Lissy to bring on their vacation then she would probably be glad to see it now, too. Maybe she would open up a bit, gain more confidence.

When Astrid reached their living room, she found Hiccup sitting on the couch, head resting on his propped up hands and staring thoughtfully out the window into the oncoming night. He seemed lost and forlorn in a way she'd never seen him before. It frightened her to see him like this, to imagine what might have caused this turmoil within him. 

Chasing that thought away, she sat down by his side and reached for his hand. There had to be _something_ she could do for him. He reacted as hoped, though, he took her hand to interlaced his fingers with hers, squeezing them lightly, and gave her a small smile. It was not a happy one, though, not really.

"Hiccup…" she began, but he looked past her, sat up straighter, and shook his head. Astrid turned to see what he was looking at and caught sight of Lissy as the girl left the bathroom. Without the traces of dried blood in her hair and on her cheeks, she looked significantly better and far less alarming.

"Ah, there you are," Astrid said, stood up, and walked toward her. "Are you feeling any better now?" she asked as she took a closer look at the wound on the girl's head. It wasn't a big one. The doctor hadn't even thought it necessary to stitch it up and one of the nurses had replaced the exaggerated bandage with a sticking-plaster before they'd left the hospital. But even that was unnecessary. Astrid had removed it and had carefully washed the hair and skin around the wound, and now it could stay that way.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Lissy answered and she really did sound more lively, her eyes a little brighter as they scanned the room. Then she froze all of a sudden. "Hey, that's mine!" she called out, rushed through the room, and snatched her plush dragon out of Hiccup's hands. She glared at him as he gave her a rueful smile.

"No doubts about that," he reassured her. "I just wanted to take a closer look. You see, I had a similar one when I was a kid."

Lissy's glare turned more into a pout, but she seemed to be appeased nonetheless. "Alright," she said reluctantly. "You’re allowed to look at him… You like dragons, too?"

Astrid tried to hide her grin behind her hand as Hiccup nodded. "Yeah, dragons are _great,_ " he said with a smile, and Astrid bit her lip. She knew how much of an understatement that was coming from _Hiccup_ of all people. "But this one looks pretty worn out. For how long did you have him?" he asked nonchalantly, though Astrid noticed the strained expression on his face.

"I don't really know," Lissy shrugged. "Forever?" She handed the toy back to Hiccup and he took it obediently. His hands were trembling though, and even though Astrid didn't know why she decided to interfere on his behalf.

"Do you know what kind of batteries it requires?" she inquired to distract Lissy. "Maybe we have some spare and can replace them. You know, to make him growl again." 

But Lissy shook her head. "Batteries won't help, it's broken," she said soberly. "I wanted to fix him, but my mom refused to buy suitable tools for me. _Too dangerous for a kid!_ she always said." At this, Lissy rolled her eyes.

Astrid had to fight back another grin. "Well, maybe she was right about this, though," she said, remembering how many smaller and sometimes not so small cuts Hiccup used to have on his hands and forearms when they were kids. "But since you've been so generous to let Hiccup look at your dragon, he _might_ be inclined to repair it for you, if you ask nicely." 

Lissy's eyes grew wide and she turned back to Hiccup. "You're able to do that?" She asked, bewildered, and Hiccup nodded, lips twitching.

"Yeah, I think I could give it a try," he chuckled and Astrid chimed in. 

Of course, Hiccup would be able to do that. He had done so before, after all, and so many more demanding things as well. Lissy's gaze wandered from one to the other and back again a few times, puzzled by their sudden humour and finally resigned to cross her arms and glared at them both.

"Let him _try_ ," Astrid suggested in between laughing. "You can always supervise him, so he won't ruin him completely." Hiccup smirked at that and Astrid laughed even harder. She knew very well how little he liked it to have someone watching over his shoulder while he worked, but he would have to put up with it this time.

"Alright then," Hiccup got up and indicated Lissy to follow him, something like a solemn smile on his face. "Let's try to _heal_ this dragon."

**. o O o .**

Astrid stood in the doorway to Hiccup's workshop, arms crossed in front of her and leaning against the doorframe, as she watched Hiccup and Lissy. They leaned over the mechanism they'd pulled out of its pouch on the dragon's back, and Astrid couldn't help but smile to herself. It had started a bit awkward, but by now Hiccup was explaining everything he did in a calm voice and didn't even seem to mind anymore that Lissy was watching and asking questions. It was the same as with Dr C earlier. The way she asked after details and used the correct technical terms, it seemed to have made Hiccup forget that he was, in fact, talking to a little girl who wasn't really supposed to have this knowledge. She really was strange sometimes.

Equally strange was how her mere presence had been able to chase away their almost depressed mood and how easily both she and Hiccup had been able to laugh again when they hadn't felt like laughing at all only minutes before. But Astrid wouldn't complain. She watched Lissy handing Hiccup the soldering iron after he'd asked for it and her smile brightened. He seemed to have completely forgotten that it wasn't Fishlegs or her who assisted him, and couldn't deny the relief this stirred up in her. Hiccup had not been happy that she'd invited Lissy to stay with them but, maybe he would come to terms with it nonetheless. And, maybe, she hadn't made the wrong decision after all…

A few minutes later, a loud growl sounded through the apartment, followed by Lissy's cheerful cry and the clap of a high-five. "You did it!" she squealed and flung her arms around Hiccup's neck. He seemed to freeze for a moment and then awkwardly patted her back. Astrid grinned and, after throwing a glance at her watch, approached the happy _dragon parents_.

"Congratulations, you got a growling baby dragon. I'm so proud of you," she teased. "But now, Daddy has to excuse us, Lissy needs to sleep!" she added resolutely, and Hiccup flinched at her words.

Lissy's face fell. "Already?" she asked, pouting, but Astrid nodded.

"It's past ten already and we have a demanding day ahead of us." She scratched her neck. "You'll have to come with us to _the dragon's lair_ , I guess. And to T's…" she added as she remembered her appointment for the next day. Well, maybe that would give them the chance to look for some decorations or further clothes as well.

" _The dragon's lair_?" Lissy asked with gleaming eyes, but Hiccup snorted.

"Yeah," he huffed. "But don't get too excited about that name. Let's just hope you don't actually run into _the drag_ on. I don’t think she would like that…"

**. o O o .**

** Hiccup **

Hours later, Hiccup lay in their bed, a sleeping Astrid in his arm, and stared at the ceiling. All these different emotions and thoughts kept haunting him and were stealing his sleep as he tried to come to terms with everything that had happened today. 

Getting this letter from Carina... He'd thought that would be the worst thing that ever happened to him. But this day had taught him a lesson. The lesson that things could _always_ get worse no matter how bad they already seemed to be – but also that in between all these bad things good moments could hide as well.

He ran his free hand through his hair as he'd done multiple times already since they'd gone to bed. He wasn't sure what to think anymore. He still didn't want to believe that Lissy could be his daughter. And yet… He couldn't deny that she was amazing and he'd recognized so many similarities between him and her. She was only nine and yet her spatial sense and her ability to transfer what she saw down on paper were on such a high level that most people would never reach her skills. He wasn't surprised that Carina hadn't bothered buying tools or spurring on the development of Lissy's talent as she probably wasn't even able to _recognise_ said talent. She hadn't understood him and he'd been a student of engineering science; how should she be able to understand a child, to recognize what she was capable of? Well, even if she turned out not to be his daughter, he would keep an eye on her, maybe talk to Carina about Lissy's talent and about how best to support it. In a way, that would be easier if he _actually_ was her father. Wouldn't he have a say in her education then as well?

He groaned and tore at his hair. No, things would _not_ be easier if he was her father! Subconsciously, he drew Astrid closer to his side but froze when she mumbled incoherently in her sleep. He didn't want to wake her, not now, not after an evening like this. Lissy hadn't been able to sleep for a very long time, which was all too understandable after what she must have been through with the accident and her mother and the need to rely on complete strangers and all. But Astrid had been so tired and exhausted, and although he'd suggested that she should go to bed while he looked after Lissy, she'd refused and had stayed with him. They had lain on the couch, entangled in each other's arms and had watched TV while they'd waited for Lissy to fall asleep, to stop rummaging about in her room, to come over to them to ask for another glass of water, or to go to the loo. They'd even settled for a child-friendly movie – something about fairytale creatures like the tooth fairy fighting the bogeyman – so that the pictures wouldn't freak Lissy out in case she caught any glimpses of the TV. It had been almost midnight when the noises from their guest room finally died down and he practically had to carry Astrid over to their bedroom.

Hiccup looked down at her sleeping form and felt again the rising lump in his throat. She was all he wanted from life, all he ever had wished for and dreamed of. And everything had been perfect. Astrid had wanted to get her wedding dress and to choose a location this week while they'd already decided on a design for the invitations and menus and the like last week. They’d planned to be married within the span of two months, but now, this plan had receded into the distance, unachievable and out of reach. Or maybe not…

Two days… He would have to live through two more days and maybe, hopefully, then this nightmare would be over. He couldn't lose her. As much as he despised this thought, he was aware of the fact that he resembled Valka in more ways than he liked. And he knew what it had done to her to lose the man she loved. Losing Astrid… that would destroy him!

He put his free arm around her waist, lightly, and drew himself closer to her. Her warmth was all the reassurance he needed – or so he kept telling himself – as his whole body began to tremble violently and he wasn't able to keep himself together anymore. All he could do was try to suppress his sobbing as best he could while the tears ran freely down his cheeks.

However, his caution was in vain when not long after, Astrid stirred in his arms. She turned around to look at him, and even though Hiccup wanted to wipe away the traitorous tears, he didn’t get the chance. For an endless moment, she just looked up at him, but if she noticed that he’d cried then she didn’t let it show. 

Instead, she drew herself closer and pressed her lips to his in what he could only describe as desperation. It took him less than a heartbeat to catch up to that mood, kissing her back and clutching her as tightly as he dared. 

They didn’t say even one word and let their bodies speak instead. The promises of love and of trust were tangible in every rocking movement, the assurance of always staying together readable as they drowned in each other’s eyes. 

It wasn’t the heart-to-heart talk either of them needed, but it would have to be enough. 

For now at least. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Tegs_ is a nickname for Toothless a friend of mine and her family use. By the time I wrote this, it was a fun in-joke for us :)
> 
> And, oh, if only these two muttonheads would talk to each other...


	10. 09 - Lissy's Diary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember how much fun writing this chapter was. It’s something completely different, and I’d _love_ to know your thoughts about it!   
> A fair warning though: the tenor here is a completely different one. A small reminder that every mood depends on the PoV… ;) But things also happen a little bit faster now… so that’s good?

** Lissy **

Dear Diary

Hi there. I'm sorry, I haven't written to you in a while. There hadn't been all that much to tell though, with mom still sick and all… But these last few days have been different and I think talking to you about it could be helpful.

You know… Mom went on a little _vacation_ with me, as she called it. It was strange though because I know that we don't really have all that much spare money. And then, we didn't really _do_ much either. We just drove to this town, checked in in this small Bed and Breakfast place, and that was it. No visiting some interesting places around here or anything. We just spend hours in this public park around that gigantic office building every day. I mean, I wasn’t complaining. There were a lot of things and buildings to draw and so many interesting people as well. You know how I love to draw people… But Mom wasn't happy. She cried a lot when she thought I wouldn't notice, and her eyes were always on the big building at the centre of the park or sometimes on the people around us when all the workers came out of their offices during their break to enjoy the sun.

I began to think this vacation was really just about getting some fresh air and new motives for me until the last day. Which was yesterday… Yesterday was different… It was supposed to be our last day here. We packed our things, clothes and everything, and left our room early to spend another day at the park before we were to drive home again. But Mom was different somehow. When we arrived, she stopped the car at the main entrance of the gigantic building and told me to wait for a moment. I saw that she had some paper in her hand, maybe an envelope, and when she came back it was gone. She was nervous and fidgeted all the time after that and glanced at her phone every few minutes, and when all these people began to leave the buildings around us for their break again, she decided it was time for us to drive home.

I can't really tell you what happened then... I remember how nervous Mom was and that she kept glancing at her phone even while driving! She'd never done that before… And then, her phone actually beeped, I think. It startled her and… And I don't really remember anything else…

The next thing I remember, and only vaguely, was seeing Mom. Or I thought it was her at least… Everything was blurred, but I think I saw her blue eyes and bright hair. 

By now I know it wasn't her, though. At that point, she probably was already in an ambulance or even at the ER, I don't know. She's alright, by the way. Or as alright as she can be… There was this nice doctor in the hospital, you know? Dr Cullen was his name, I think. He wasn't as stiff and unfriendly as other doctors I've met and even explained in detail what happened to Mom. But as I said, she'll come around. _This_ won't kill her…

...

…

…

She still thinks I don't know… And I would prefer it to stay that way. She doesn't need to worry about me in addition to everything else.

Anyway, Mom was still unconscious when we visited her yesterday and today as well. She's still sedated so no reason to worry. If everything goes as planned, she should wake up tomorrow, though. I hope she does. I want to tell her she doesn't need to worry about me and that she should take her time to recover. Because for once I got very nice foster parents.

Or… well… They are no foster parents, really. They aren't registered in the youth farewell to take in kids when needed and to get paid for that… No, I think they took me in because they really cared. I hope so, at least… 

Astrid is really nice, you know? She's the one I saw after that accident, the one I thought was Mom. She stayed with me and her friends helped me out as well, although they all are a bit strange occasionally.

Yesterday, I had not much to do with Fishlegs and Heather, but today I got to spend some time with them, and Heather especially kept throwing me these _really_ weird glances. But I better start at the beginning.

For the duration of Mom's hospitalization, I'll stay with Astrid, as I said, and with her boyfriend Hiccup. Or rather, her fiancé. They plan to get married soon, even though they act a bit strange sometimes. Well, but that's not my business, I guess. They have a spare room in their apartment where I can stay. I have my own room! Not just a cushion and blanket on the sofa or a folding bed in a room I have to share with other kids. I have a real bed and even a desk to draw and right now to write on. And they even bought me a couple of new clothes after the ones I brought on our vacation were ruined by our… accident… 

They seem to have a lot of money, a lot more than Mom at least.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you about this day. I learned so much! You know, taking me in seemed to have been a rather spontaneous decision and they don't have a babysitter or anything the like at hand. Both Astrid and Hiccup work, and since they couldn't leave me at the apartment on my own all day, they just brought me with them to their working place. They work together, just so you know. They called the place _the dragon's lair_ , which sounded really exciting mind you, and they also mentioned a _dragon_ running around there. But I have to say I have no idea how they came up with those terms. This _dragon's lair_ is actually this gigantic building in that park Mom and I spent so much time in during the last week. As I thought, it's an office building and Astrid's and Hiccup's workplace really is nothing but an _office_. Sooooo boring! 

Okay, it wasn't _that_ boring. They have pretty cool stuff around there, and apparently, they even build it themselves. Hiccup let me watch him work for a while and I have to say the things he does aren't so bad. He seems to be an inventor of some sort and he even took his time to explain to me a few of the things he did, which was really exciting. I think I want to do the same as he does when I'm a grown-up!

Astrid showed me her work as well although I'm still not sure what exactly it is she's doing there… She has a desk in Hiccup's office, too, but I think it is highly unfair that hers is so much smaller than his. But then that desk is not her only workplace, so maybe it makes sense. She also works in the _training room_ which looked to me like an ordinary gym, with all the equipment in it and the high ceiling with the climbing tower and all. And by ‘ _working there’_ I actually mean she's doing nothing but exercises. She told me it is part of her job to stay fit for all the tests, although I didn't understand what she meant by that, so she showed me a few things. Did you know that there's a proper way to _fall_ and that apparently it takes a lot of practice to do it _right_? I always thought falling just requires tripping over something and landing on the ground…

Oh, right… While I was in this training room with Astrid, another woman came in to talk to her. She was older and looked like she constantly had a really sour lemon under her tongue. Astrid talked to her for a short while, told her who I am, that I'm staying with her and why she'd brought me there, and when Astrid returned to her training, that woman gave me a really weird look. You know, it was a bit like Mom sometimes looks at me when she's angry and wants me to see things her way. It was really funny, in a way. That woman was way better at this game than Mom ever was but she lost nonetheless. And she's a really bad loser. She just turned and left without saying a word, only grumbled to herself in irritation. So rude!

So… what else happened? Uhm… Oh, right! I wanted to tell you about Heather and Fishlegs. Although I can't tell you much about Fishlegs, really. He seems nice enough but he didn't talk much. He came into the office as I watched Hiccup work and seemed puzzled to see me there. But Hiccup's explanation that I stay with them until mom is getting better apparently was enough for him.

Heather is different, though. She burst into the office a few minutes after Fishlegs had left and just stared at me for several seconds before she turned to Hiccup and threw him a disbelieving look. He didn't look happy, just shrugged and muttered something about she should ask Astrid. Mind you, grown-ups are weird people…

But I have to admit, it got better during the day. Astrid and Heather left the _lair_ for lunch and took me with them, and although Heather still kept throwing me strange glances she also talked to me. One other strange thing about her then was actually a rather pleasant surprise, because as far as I can remember she's the first person who didn't treat me like a child. And don't look at me like that, you stupid book! I know, technically I _am_ a child… But honestly, I'll never be like Madison and Paige and all the others at school! They act like they know everything when they're just so stupid!

But that's not what I wanted to talk about… Right, Heather… We talked whenever Astrid was busy, which was most of the time, and she asked me all sorts of questions. About me and my mom, my birthday, my school, my grades and favourite subjects. About how and where we live, my hobbies and what mom is doing for a living, where my dad is and what I know about him, and all kinds of other stuff. Mind you, I'm not sure if that was some kind of interrogation or if she's just really curious. Well, she seems to be one of those people that always want to know about _everything_ that's going on around them. But she's still friendly, so that's alright. 

She was especially interested in my father, though. I think she wanted to know whether she could or should contact him and inform him about our accident, but you know very well that I couldn't tell her much about him. I mean, I know I have a father even though Mom keeps saying I don't. I'm not stupid; _of course,_ I have a father. I know how this works. But Mom really never told me anything about him…

Sometimes I think it would be nice to know at least a little bit about him, though. Whether he's still alive for example. And if he is, I'd like to know why… why he's not with us. I mean, Mom was always there for me and I don't really need someone else. But lately, I wondered. You know why… I just hope that Mom will tell me at least _something_ about him; any information would be nice. Maybe I could try and find him on my own then.

But let me change the subject, something more cheerful perhaps? I bet Hiccup's eyes will pop right out of their sockets when he sees Astrid in her wedding dress. See, that's what we did this afternoon, Astrid, Heather, and I. We went to this bridal wear shop where Astrid wanted to choose a wedding dress, and honestly, there we met the weirdest man I've ever seen!

**. o O o .**

Lissy followed Astrid and Heather obediently through the glass door and into the most impressive room she'd seen in her life so far. It was big, two floors high with stairs leading up to a gallery. The floor was made of shiny panels made of dark, almost black wood while all the walls and even the ceiling were covered in mirrors. It would have been dizzying, like one of these labyrinths made of mirrors, except that the mirrors at the walls were hardly visible in most cases as they were hidden by countless racks. She couldn't even _guess_ how many dresses and gowns there were in this shop.

"Ah, there you are!" came a voice from the upper floor and Lissy looked up at its source."Finally! So glad you made it today, Ms Hofferson. It is an honour and my pleasure. May I call you Astrid? Or A? A would do, wouldn't it?"

Lissy stared at the man who leisurely came down the stairs, a wide grin on his long face. At least, she _thought_ it was a man. His long, thick, blond hair surely was enough to compete with Astrid's and his style was erratic enough so he couldn't be pigeonholed. Yes, grown-ups were strange, but this one surely was the strangest guy she'd met so far. He’d greeted Astrid as if he knew her, even though that didn't seem to be the case if she interpreted his words correctly. Was she someone, one ought to know?

"You must be T then?" Astrid asked with a dry smile. "Thank you very much for shifting our appointment. I hope you didn't get into trouble for this?"

"Nah, don't worry. Today's customers were happy to shift, and even for us it's not every day's business to serve a true celebrity, eh, sis?" Lissy perked up her ears at this. Was Astrid a celebrity? She glanced at the blonde woman and saw her grimace slightly.

"Oh, stop it, bro," came another voice from behind him. "Don't give her that…She needs a dress and not a drooling fan." A woman appeared at the head of the stairs and glared at the strange man. Even if they hadn't addressed each other with _bro_ and _sis_ it would have been obvious that these two were siblings. She had the same hair although she wore it in a different style and they both shared the same wiry figure.

"Of course, of course. But can you imagine? The whole world will watch her wearing one of our dresses. It’ll be _awesome!"_

"I… doubt that _the whole world_ will be watching…" Astrid interfered, and Lissy saw the blush on her face. So she really _was_ some kind of celebrity and not all that comfortable with it.

"Sure thing," the man, T, reassured her, but he didn't sound convincing. "So, you want a dress. Any ideas yet? When's the wedding, anyway? How much time do we have for alterations? Ah, don't mind about that… And what's the budg–  oh, never mind that either, I forgot…" T began to walk around Astrid, mumbling incoherently to himself as he scrutinized her.

"Uhm..." made Astrid, obviously confused. "No budget limit, really, and I need it as fast as possible. We'll decide on a date when we know how long the dress takes. And yes, I already have a few ideas…" Astrid kept talking about what kind of dress she'd thought of as T measured her and occasionally asked interposed questions while his sister took notes. She seemed to be the more organised one of these two. 

Lissy only listened with half an ear and used the time to look around the shop some more. As big as the room was, the shop itself was rather small all things considered. It seemed to only consist of this well-arranged main room, which, granted, already held a huge amount of dresses and the registry counter, and apparently there was a second room on the upper floor. Although calling it another room was a bit exaggerated. It was more that the gallery widened into something of an open second room on one side, with possibly an adjacent changing room attached to it. As Lissy wandered around a bit, she spotted a framed certificate on the wall above the counter. Huh… considering _T_ would be short for Tuffnut, that lunatic apparently was some kind of fashion designer, highly regarded for his designs of wedding dresses and robes for the high society. So maybe he was used to having _celebrities_ as his customers after all. And he'd still rearranged Astrid's appointment on such a short notice?

Lissy turned to look at Astrid again. Should she know who she was? _Astrid Hofferson_ , that name didn't ring a bell and she couldn't say that her face seemed familiar to her either. But then, why would it? _Madison would know!_ she thought grimly. Although… what difference did it make? Astrid had been kind to her and that was all that really mattered.

"Alright then," rang T's theatrical voice through the shop. "Let's have a look. Mermaid cut or trumpet cut would be an option, you said? Yeah, that would work, with your slim waist and all. Although there's nothing that wouldn't work! And strapless I'd say or maybe a sheer neck. Huh, brocade maybe? No, that'd be too heavy... Damask! Yeah, damask would be better. And not too much lace or silk. That wouldn't…uhm… Sis! Where were the mermaid dresses again?"

"Upper floor, right side," came her crisp answer before she turned to Heather and Lissy, who'd returned to the group during T's monologue. "And you two are here to give advice? Feel free to look around and make suggestions if you want. You have all afternoon, anyway. Want something to drink? Champagne? Coffee? Whiskey? …an orange juice?" she added belatedly, glancing at Lissy.

Heather sat down on one of the cushioned chairs and leaned against the backrest. "A coffee would be great!" she said, sighing. "With all her confusing ideas, this is going to take a while…" 

Lissy accepted the offer of some orange juice and hesitantly sat down on one of the other chairs. On the upper floor, Astrid followed T along the racks as he pulled out dresses for her to look at, and with a start, Lissy realized how many dresses he already carried over his arm. Heather was probably right, this would take a while…

After the lunatic's sister had brought their drinks, Heather continued with her relentless interrogation. She’d started during lunch already but apparently had held back as long as Astrid was around. She wasn't as considerate now but with nothing else to do, Lissy couldn't think of a way to avoid her questions and she actually didn't mind them much anyway. It was certainly better than just sitting next to each other in awkward silence. 

However, she was glad when some time and a few dress showings later, T's head poked out from around the corner at the top of the stairs, his gaze resting for the first time on them.

"Heather?" he asked a little confused, his eyes shifting from one to the other. "Uhm, who of you is Heather? A wants your advice here, could you come up?"

Heather chuckled and stood up. "Finally, I thought she'd never ask. This mermaid cut isn't her style _at all_. Maybe we'll be getting somewhere after all…" she mumbled and winked at Lissy before she climbed the steps. 

Lissy's gaze followed the black-haired woman and after she'd disappeared around the corner, a relieved sigh escaped her and she finally relaxed in her seat. She didn't mind the company, not _really_. But being alone still was more comfortable most of the time. With a happy sigh, she pulled out her sketchbook and a pencil but looked down at the paper undecidedly for a moment. She had nothing specific to draw in her mind and just wanted to relax a bit so she began simple, with a few sketches out of her memory. She drew _the dragon's lair_ as she remembered it, the glass walls glistening in the sun high up in the air, the view partly covered by branches and leaves. She drew her mom, the way she'd sat in the park with a distant and sad smile on her face as she looked around at the building and the people, looking _for_ something, someone. She drew Astrid's living room, trying to capture the homely feeling in her sketch, and she drew the small room that would be hers for the foreseeable future. Next, she drew quick sketches of all the people she'd recently met, Astrid, Heather and Fishlegs, Dr Cullen and the nurse Margaret, who'd been so kind to her yesterday, Hiccup, the sour-looking woman in the training room, and lastly the weird siblings who ran this shop. 

Drawing the people around her had always helped her to understand them a little better. She recognized the pure goodness in Fishlegs which was probably what had drawn Heather and her cool analytic mind toward him, and on her paper, she saw the affection between the weird siblings, more clearly even than in the real people around her. She saw that the strange woman from the training room was distressed somehow. Of course, she hadn't been happy but there had been more than simple dissatisfaction. And then, there were–

"Wow, Hiccup was right! You're really good," Heather's voice startled her out of her contemplations, and Lissy hastily shut her sketchbook. She didn't like people looking at her drawings, especially not nosy grown-ups like Heather… 

But… how would _Hiccup_ know about her drawings?

Apparently accepting that Lissy didn't want to talk about her drawings, Heather sat down on the chair beside her again, sighing, and leaned against the backrest. "When we went dress shopping for me a few months ago, things were so much easier. I knew which dress I wanted, I tried it on, it was perfect, and I bought it. But this today might very well take a few hours. She wants the _perfect_ dress to impress Hiccup. As if that was necessary…" She trailed off, waiting. It seemed as if she wanted Lissy to answer, to engage her in yet another conversation. Lissy would rather avoid that but knew by now that the black-haired woman wouldn't let go. So she played along.

"Maybe they had a fight and she wants to make it up to him that way?" she suggested, remembering how strange they'd behaved yesterday, but Heather just snorted.

"They never fight," she said confidently, smirking, but then added more hesitantly, "Not really at least…" She was silent for a few moments before she turned toward Lissy, frowning and asked, "What makes you think so?"

Lissy shrugged. "I don't know, it was just a thought…" She frowned, remembering the drawings of Astrid and Hiccup she’d just made. "They behaved a little odd yesterday. Uneasy somehow, anxious. They made a show of being cheerful but were tense and keyed-up if anything." She shrugged again, suddenly self-conscious about how much rather intimate information she'd just relayed. But Heather was Astrid's friend, right? Surely, she would already know if there _was_ anything to know.

"They have…?" Heather asked, frowning, and her expression turned thoughtful. "Both of them? Huh…" Her gaze wandered up the stairs again, and a moment later she stood up and climbed the stairs once more without saying another word.

Lissy looked at where Heather had just disappeared, puzzled, but decided the other woman's problem, whatever it might be, didn't need to concern her. Instead, she opened her sketchbook and looked at her drawings again. Yes, tense and anxious, that's how they'd acted yesterday. Shouldn't a soon to be married couple be… happy? They’d been more relaxed this morning, but still… She just hoped that Heather was right, that they weren't really fighting. And what if they were, how could a dress be helpful anyway? Grown-ups were weird… But who was she to decide, maybe it did make sense. 

But… If Astrid was looking for the _perfect dress_ , she still had a long way to go, at least as far as Lissy could tell. The dresses she had tried so far had been pretty, beautiful even, but they hadn't been _Astrid_. These elegant and formal robes might be perfect, but not for her. Lissy didn’t know her for long, not even twenty-four hours if she was honest, but… Astrid was witty and graceful, playful and energetic, that much she’d learned already. Her dress should reflect and even support these traits and not be a front for something that simply wasn’t her.

Lissy flipped open an empty page in her sketchbook and quickly outlined the form she needed, but then hesitated, thoughtfully. She had no idea what exactly a _‘Mermaid’_ or _‘Trumpet cut’_ was. But the dresses Astrid had tried on so far hadn't been right, not for her. They'd been too tight, emphasizing her figure, yes, but also restraining her movability. And Astrid was _constantly_ moving. Her dress should allow that, call attention to it, should move as well, highlight this trait of hers…

Her eyes wandered through the room, searching for a few things she'd seen earlier. There, near the counter hung that dress with the skirt made of countless layers of a thin fabric, silk maybe? Their varying lengths made it look like flowing water or a field of wheat when the wind rippled over it, always moving, gracefully. Yeah, that would be perfect – but not in a tight-fitting version like this one. The skirt should be wider, like that of a princess, making it all the more playful. Satisfied with this image, Lissy began to sketch the skirt in her mind down onto the outlined figure, directly adding a few shadows and creases to highlight the intended movability. 

And the bodice? It would need to be conspicuous enough as to not get lost aside a skirt like this. Lissy laid her drawing utensils down and stood up to walk along the line of dresses, looking for a fitting inspiration. Another colour maybe? That could work… but it was a _wedding dress_ , weren’t those usually supposed to be white? No, there had to be other options, maybe–  

There! That was it! 

She tugged out a dress with an elaborately decorated bodice. _"Sweetheart – With Straps – Backless – Embroidered Brocade"_ the sign read. _Pretty top with decorated fabric would have done it, too!_ she thought to herself, shaking her head in disbelief as she returned to her seat. It didn’t take long for her to add her idea for the bodice to her sketch, and by the time Heather returned to her, she was only working on some last details.

More out of reflex than anything else, she closed her sketchbook the moment Heather sat down next to her. But this time, the black-haired woman wasn't even interested in her drawings, and she didn't start another round of questions either. Instead, she seemed distracted somehow, her expression troubled and thoughtful. Lissy considered leaving her to her own thoughts – but she was rather proud of her idea for Astrid's dress and first showing it to Heather was probably her best option.

"Still not the perfect dress?" Lissy asked artlessly. 

Heather looked up, frowning. "Dress?" she asked, puzzled, and then shook her head. "No, no dress yet." She seemed to make an effort to pull herself together because she became more lively again and turned toward Lissy. "I'm sorry, this must be pretty boring for you. We shouldn't have brought you with us today..." she apologized, but Lissy shook her head.

"I'm fine. Actually, it's not that bad," Lissy replied, hesitant. She _really_ didn't like to show her drawings to anyone, but in this case, it was necessary. "I… have my drawings after all"

"Right… your drawings…" Something like a small grimace crossed Heather's face, but before Lissy could be sure she’d caught herself again and smiled. "Did you find anything interesting to draw here then?"

Half an hour ago, a question like this would have annoyed Lissy, the prying curiosity of grown-ups. But now, it gave her the opening she’d hoped for. "Actually, yes, I did." She opened her sketchbook again and held it out toward Heather. 

Clearly surprised, the woman took it and, after throwing her a puzzled glance, looked down at the picture. For a moment, she seemed confused by what she saw, but then a wide grin spread across her face.

"That's it! _Perfect!"_ She looked up at Lissy again and threw her a measuring look. "You really do have a good eye for details, don’t you? Anyway... Where did Ruffnut disappear to? I guess if one of these crazy twins knows if a dress like this one can be found here, it would be her."

**. o O o .**

And that, my dear diary, is how Astrid finally found her dress. She, too, really liked my idea, and even though there was no dress like that one in T's shop, she’s going to get one anyway. The twins made her try on a few others which had the right details to get a good impression of how it would look on her and assured her that they could recompose the parts to sew the dress she wanted within the span of three weeks, a month at the most. _A high priority order_ …

I still wonder why Astrid seems to be such an important customer to them. She and Hiccup and the rest of them seem so normal to me. But it's not like I could simply ask them, right? _"I’m sorry, but are you famous or something?"_ No, I certainly won't ask that…

After that was settled, we went to the hospital again, and even there, many greeted Astrid by name, too. But I think that was because they really _know_ her. It was more like the doctors and nurses greet Mom and me back home. I wonder _why_ they know Astrid, though… Is she sick, too? I hope not…

Mom was still unconscious when we visited her, still sedated, but Dr Cullen assured me that she should wake up tomorrow and promised me he would call  Astrid or Hiccup as soon as I can talk to her. I really hope that works, because tomorrow, Astrid and I are going to visit some of the locations they'd picked as possible options for their wedding, to take a look at the rooms, try some food, and ask for available dates. It sounded interesting when Astrid told me about that earlier, but I hope we'll still be able to visit mom in between all these appointments.

But now, I'm going to say farewell to you. Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day, and I still want to take a look at the book Hiccup brought for me. It's about drawing techniques and stuff like that, and looks so interesting. Sooo much better than the childish books Ms Bayer gave me in art classes!

Bye then. Maybe I'll write to you again tomorrow in case anything interesting happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yes, something else...  
> If anything's unclear feel free to ask. (Although, if it's about Heather's second visit to Astrid in the changing room... we'll get to that next chapter ;) )


	11. 10 – It's Not Learning The Truth that Would Make It True

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that editing this chapter now took so long... Lots of stuff to do, phew.  
> But things are speeding up from now on. Only two more _chapters_ after this one, and then two more epilogues.

** Astrid **

On Wednesday morning, Astrid sat on the closed toilet lid in their bathroom and waited. She was on edge, her hands trembling, and every now and then, she threw a nervous glance at her phone. Still 12 minutes… she could take a look before that, knew that it might not take that long until a result was visible... but the 15 minutes it was supposed to take at its worst where her last reprieve. And only 12 minutes were left…

She hadn't been able to do this yesterday, had been too afraid of the outcome, whichever it might be, had hoped for and dreaded the result of this test. Because she'd thought about it long enough, hoped for it with everything she was, wanted it… And yet, she couldn't think of a worse timing!

On Monday, everything had been fine and her plan to secretly buy that box had been in place already, even before everything had turned crazy. But now…

She threw yet another glance at her phone.

10 minutes.

Now, she wasn't sure what to think anymore. She'd been so sure of her and Hiccup's future, but now, everything was in chaos and she didn't know how they would end up. There were decisions to be made, decisions that would affect so many people. So many different facts and facades needed to be considered, and Astrid was sure that she didn't even know everything that was to know yet. All she could do was hope that everything would turn out well. Maybe she was wrong, on one or more of her assumptions. Maybe those decisions would turn out to be rather easy, even though it was possible that she would hate them. _Gods, please!_ she begged silently. _Please, please, please!_

A part of her was selfish enough to hope. To hope she would have some sort of claim at least. To have a chance… She wrapped her arms around herself as she began to tremble. _Stupid!_ She chided herself. As if things would be that easy…

8 Minutes…

She should hope for an easy solution, for one that wouldn't hurt too many people. That wouldn't hurt _innocent_ people especially. It could have been simple, she just would have needed to wait for a few more days and pretend everything was as it always had been. Then, Hiccup could make his decision without further pressure, chose what was _right_ , without… without… 

A quiet sob escaped her throat. No, she couldn’t just give him up like that.

And Heather had been right anyway. It made no sense to wait and pretend. Hiccup had a right to know everything _if_ there was anything to know. And not knowing about it didn't change the truth anyway. Of course, right now she knew nothing. She could pretend everything was as it had been last week, could ignore everything else and pretend. But that didn't change the things that already were, even without her knowing about them.

5 minutes left…

**. o O o .**

**(On the previous day)**

Astrid stared at her reflection in the mirror, at the white damask that clung tightly to her body, at the thin lace that covered her décolletage and neck and at the white roses made of silk attached to the fabric in a few places. The dress was _beautiful_ , even breathtakingly so. 

Why then did she feel so out of place in it?

She hadn't thought much about what kind of dress she would like to have. There hadn't really been time for that with all the work she'd had to do since Hiccup's proposal. But she also hadn't thought that it would be this _difficult_ to find the right dress. But apparently, it was. All these dresses she'd tried so far had been pretty... but they hadn't been hers. And neither was this one.

"T?" she called with a sigh, and a moment later, the long face and dreadlocks of Tuffnut Thorston appeared amidst the curtains that separated this private changing area from the larger room. His gaze wandered up and down her body and then he grimaced.

"Huh… I'd say you look fabulous because you do… But I guess this one's not for you, either? A pity, these roses suit you. Hang on a minute, I'll find another one!" He was already about to retreat but Astrid held him back.

"T, wait!" she called and he turned back toward her. "I think, Heather was right just now. These dresses are wonderful, really, they are. But… I don't know, maybe these tight fits aren't right for me. I know, I mentioned those, but… Do you have something more… I don't know… something wider? A bit more lively, maybe? And not as tight around here?" She pointed at her waist and hips, swallowing. Even without her fears… hopes… whatever they were… she would have wanted another kind of dress. She could hardly move in these tightly fitting prisons…

"'Course," T said, shrugging. "You want me to pick a few for you or do you want to look for yourself first?"

Astrid considered for a moment but then shook her head. "Just… pick some you'd think would work, alright?" T nodded and disappeared, and Astrid began to peel out of this latest dress. It was too tight, in many ways. What if… what if she was right? What if the modifications took longer or they wouldn't get a suitable location in time? Or…

_No!_ She shook her head, tearing herself away from that last line of thoughts. In _both_ cases, a too tightly fitting dress that emphasized every single one of her curves would be highly disadvantageous. Not for the first time lately, Astrid wrapped her arms around herself and, again, stared at her reflection in the mirror, now barely covered by only her plain white underwear. What if…

Some minutes later, a knock sounded from the door and she heard Heather's voice. "Hey, can I come in?"

Hastily, Astrid wiped away the lone tears on her cheeks and tried to pull herself together. Everything would work out… _Somehow,_ everything would be alright. She just needed to trust in this. 

"Sure!" she called back, her voice a little too high to sound normal. Dammit, she had to do better. Heather would notice immediately if she showed any signs of her uneasiness… But apparently, it was too late for that anyway.

Heather entered, closed the door behind her, and gave her a long scrutinizing look. Obviously, she wasn't here to talk about dresses again… "What's up?" she finally asked, and Astrid turned away from her friend, not sure whether she could have a conversation like this right now. But Heather just went on, ignoring her defensive gesture, on purpose probably. "Lissy just said and you and Hiccup have been anxious and keyed up last night. What is it? Did you two… talk?"

This last word came out hesitantly, and with a grimace, Astrid remembered the advice Heather had given her yesterday in the hospital. She realized that her friend probably knew more about her problems right now than she did herself. Well, not really, but…but she definitely knew more than she was letting on.

"No, we didn't talk," Astrid sighed. "It's… nothing" She could practically feel Heather's relentless glare on her back and wrapped her arms tighter around herself. Talking to Heather had always helped her, whatever her problem might have been, but this… She couldn't even admit it to herself, couldn't even _think_ the word. How should she explain it then to her?

"You're a terrible liar, you know that, right?" Astrid heard the rustling of heavy fabric and a moment later, Heather wrapped the warm dressing gown Ruffnut had laid out for her around her shoulders. "You should wear this if you're cold. You've just been sick, that was enough, don't you think?" 

The caring gesture made a lump rise in Astrid's throat and she averted her eyes as Heather made an attempt to walk around her. "I'm not cold," she whispered, but buried her fingers into the thick fabric nonetheless, if only to have something to hold on to. She felt like everything that meant anything to her was slipping through her fingers, faster than she could ever hold on to it, and there was nothing she could do about it. Nothing, but wait and hope… and it drove her crazy! Waiting and hoping had never worked out for her. She needed to _do_ things. 

Suddenly, she felt Heather's hands on her upper arms as she guided her to one of the cushioned chairs and crouched down in front of her. Only then did she realize that she was shaking vigorously.

"If you're not cold then what the Hel is up with you?" Heather asked calmly, but Astrid heard the tone beneath this calmness. Concern and determination. Dear Heather… She wouldn't be able to get away with her evasiveness any longer… She bit her lip and closed her eyes, trying to hide a moment longer, knowing perfectly well how futile that was.

"It's late…" she finally whispered, staring at the floor behind her friend.

"Huh?" Heather grunted, puzzled. "No, it's not. We still have plenty of time if that's what you're concerned about. We'll find a dress, don't… worry…" She trailed off when Astrid shook her head.

"No, not…" She bit her lip, gathering all her courage. She would say it… She had to… "My period. It's late." There, she'd said it… There was no going back now. No going back to pretending this wasn't happening…

"What?" Heather asked, disbelievingly, and it took her a moment or three before she continued. "But… but I thought you're on the Pill. And late for how long? There can be many reasons, you know? Stress or a change in your regular routine. You sure had both during the last weeks. And you were sick, too. " _Dear Heather, always efficient_ , rang Hiccup's voice through her mind, the memory of him saying this on so many occasions, and Astrid smiled despite everything. He'd been so right… But in this case, Heather was too late, she'd done her own research already.

"It's been just four days,” Astrid interrupted her friend’s rambling. “But… but it has never been late a single day before, no matter how stressful my life had been. I have been sick, yes, but not at the time of… of ovulation." She gulped. "And… I'm not on the Pill, not anymore…" At this, Heather blinked once and then her eyes grew wider and wider.

"You're… _not?"_ she asked and Astrid shook her head.

"We've… talked about it and I thought it over for a while. And… well, Hiccup was so caring and sweet when I was sick, you know? And… and then I realized that he would be a wonderful dad. So, I stopped taking it."

"That was only recently then? This could be a reason for a late period as well, you know? And did you… I mean, is it even possible, did you have sex at the right time? There was a lot, I mean… So much happened and Hiccup was gone on that business trip, wasn't he? Are you sure, do you remember?"

But Astrid just snorted. Whether she _remembered?_ How could she ever _forget_ that day? "Yeah, it is possible," she just answered lamely. No need to tell Heather all the smutty details… "And I know, it still can be _just late_ , but…" She trailed off and wrapped her arms around her belly once again, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Oh, Gods!" Heather exclaimed. "You're serious, aren't you? Holy Freya, you really think you could be pregnant?" She was silent for a moment. "Did you test it already?" Astrid shook her head. "You should, as soon as possible. I can go and get a test for you, right now; it won't take long. I can take Lissy with me and then you can test it tomorrow morning. You'd-"

"I already have a test," Astrid interrupted her. "I bought it yesterday, but… well, I didn't dare to test it yet… because… " She bit her lip and hoped Heather would be too distracted to notice her lapse.

"Why didn't you _dare?_ A test won't get you pregnant, you know? Either you are or you are not. Whatever it is, you can stop fretting about it then and start to actually _deal_ with the situation. What did Hi-" She interrupted herself and clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes suddenly wide in shock. "Hiccup doesn't know, right?"

Again, Astrid just shook her head.

**. o O o .**

**(Back to Wednesday)**

2 minutes left…

Yes, Heather had been right. Either she was pregnant or she was not. It wasn't _learning_ the truth that would _make_ it true. And Hiccup had a right to know. Which was why she was doing this test now. 

She was a coward, though… She did it now, when Hiccup was already gone, taking the bus to get to _the dragon's lair_ and leaving his car with her. So she could keep on going with the preparations for their wedding… She was a coward and a hypocrite! She knew very well that, if all the things she suspected were really true, there probably would _be_ no wedding. And yet she couldn't help herself… She couldn't help but hope.

Her phone beeped once and she took a ragged breath. Her reprieve was over. Swallowing once, she stood up and walked toward the sink where she'd placed the pregnancy test on the shelf. With shaking fingers, she reached for it and pulled the cap off to reveal the small window at the side of the plastic stick.

There, clearly visible and without any room for interpretation, were two lines.

**. o O o .**

** Lissy **

"These are _delicious!"_ Lissy exclaimed, and reached for another one of the proffered appetizers. There had been a tray of those in every place they'd visited so far, prepared just for them so Astrid could try the kitchen too as she was looking at the festival rooms. "I'm not sure I can eat any more for lunch later, though."

Astrid gave her a small smile and reached for one of the appetizers herself, without eating it though. "We really don't need to eat any more, do we?" she said, idly toying with the food and slowly pulling it to pieces. "We could do a little more shopping instead; there's plenty of time until our next appointment. Something to decorate your room, maybe?" She hesitated, and Lissy noticed her tensing up slightly. "I… can call Hiccup to cancel our lunch meeting. I'm sure he'll understand. With all the food we already had…" Lissy looked thoughtfully at the blonde woman, but then just shrugged.

"Sure, why not." She wasn't interested in shopping, not really. Both Astrid and Hiccup had apologized for her room being so uninviting, but that didn’t really bother her. As long as they would let her, the walls would be plastered with drawings soon, anyway. 

But Lissy suspected that this wasn’t about her room anyway. Astrid had been very quiet all day and hadn't really eaten all that much. So when she was looking for a reason to avoid seeing her boyfriend… Well, that was none of Lissy's business. It wasn't like a meeting in some restaurant with her sitting between them would help them sort out their problems anyway.

Lissy began nibbling at another appetizer as Astrid searched her leather backpack for her phone. She was already reaching for the next morsel when the woman finally found it, though only because it had started ringing all of a sudden. She saw Astrid staring at the display for a moment, perplexed, before she answered the call.

"Hey, Babe," she greeted the person at the other end, Hiccup obviously, and Lissy paused, listening and waiting. Could it be… "No, you're not interrupting anything, we're done here anyway. They have different rooms depending on the number of guests, the food is excellent, and they are completely booked up for the next five months." She sighed. 

_Just like all the other locations, as well._ Lissy thought to herself. But they all had been beautiful, what had Astrid expected?

"Of course, they'll _‘see what they can do’,_ but I don't want them to cancel some other already existing agreement for us. I'll just-" She paused, and Lissy wondered, again, what was so important or special about Astrid that the owners of these locations would actually let other customers down just for her sake. Because without exception, they all had offered to do so, some subliminal and polite, others more directly. She could hear Hiccup's voice through the phone but didn't understand what he said.

"No, I… I don't want to wait that long…" Astrid answered, sheepishly and Lissy frowned. She surely was no expert, but from what she guessed, five months weren't _that_ long in case of wedding preparations.

"I… Listen, let's talk about this later, alright? We… really should talk later…" 

_Yeah, talk!_ Lissy thought hopefully. Maybe they would get their things sorted out after all. Yesterday, during breakfast, they'd been far more relaxed, but last night had been just as tense as the night before, and today it had been even worse. Whatever it was that made them both anxious like that, Lissy honestly hoped they would be able to settle it soon. For their sake, but also for her own.

Astrid paused again as Hiccup spoke and then answered, "Well, no, you see, I wanted to call you just now, too. Lissy and I have eaten so much already," _Right, especially Astrid had eaten tons,_ Lissy thought sarcastically. "We don't need to get anything for lunch, as long as you don't mind. We wanted to–" she broke off again, her eyes widening. 

"What?" she exclaimed a few moments later, and Lissy perked up as Astrid hurriedly began to stuff her things back into her bag. _Surely, that meant…_ "Why haven't you said so sooner? … Yeah, we'll go there directly. See you tonight then. Love you, bye!" She threw her phone back into her backpack as well and looked up at Lissy.

"Change of plan," she said, frowning, and pointed toward the appetizers. "Are you finished with those?" Lissy nodded, eyes wide, hoping her assumption was right. "Good, let's go then." Astrid stood up, and Lissy followed instantly, her own backpack hastily slung over one shoulder.

"Where are we going?" she asked, anxiously watching the blonde woman who looked tense and anxious as well with her brows drawn together and her lips pressed into a thin line. A moment later her expression changed, though, a smile appearing on her face even though it seemed forced somehow.

"To the hospital," she replied. "Dr C just called Hiccup, your Mom woke up."

**. o O o .**

** Astrid **

Astrid was nervous. Well, she’d been so all day, ever since she’d made that pregnancy test and it had turned out positive, had been nervous to meet Hiccup, and had thought all day about what or how she could tell him. She’d dreaded the idea of still keeping her secret from him because this was not something she could tell him in between teriyaki chicken and baked bananas with chocolate crème. So now having a reason to _not_ see him before they met at home tonight was great. But that wasn’t the point, and not why nervous _now._

Carina Johnson was awake. And now, Astrid would finally be able to meet, to _talk_ to the woman who'd raised Lissy. Who was her mother… This girl was special in so many ways, and Astrid wondered, not for the first time, what kind of person her mother would be. And then there was– 

She shook her head, firmly denying these thoughts from clouding her mind. She wasn't able to think about _this_ , not now when she was about to talk to this person in just a few minutes.

They'd reached the hospital a short while ago and were hurrying along the corridors now with Lissy eagerly leading the way. As expected, the girl had been happy and excited at the good news, and Astrid could hardly blame her for that. Her delight was infectious, the way she talked about all the things she wanted to tell her mother and show her in her sketches made Astrid smile too, even though she didn't feel all that much like smiling herself.

It wasn't that much of a surprise that she'd woken up now; they'd all expected it, after all. Astrid had been prepared for this, had left breaks in between their appointments to be able to come here as soon as possible and also would have cancelled an appointment if needed, but still… She couldn't help but feel anxious now. 

"Oh, come on! Hurry, Astrid!" Lissy urged her on.

Astrid got a strange feeling of déjà vu, of hurrying along these corridors before and of similar words echoing from these walls. But she got no time to think about it as Lissy took her hand and dragged her along. They reached the ICU in no time at all where Lissy let go of her hand to run ahead. Astrid watched her, following her slowly, buying time. Her heartbeat got faster and it wasn't just because of their hurried pace. This was really happening. She'd hoped to be in another position at this point, to know more about… about _everything._ Or less. Knowing less would have been easier, too. But now it was too late to change anything, so she would just have to deal with this situation. She could do this! Carina Johnson was just a stranger to her who happened to have a daughter Astrid cared about. Nothing strange or awkward about it, not at all!

Right…

Astrid paused in front of the door that led to Hiccup's former room and braced herself. Just a meeting of two strangers, nothing more…

"Ms Hofferson?" 

Astrid whirled around, startled and caught sight of Dr C jogging toward her. 

"Ms Hofferson! Thank the Gods. I was hoping to catch one of you here today."

"Dr C?" Astrid frowned at the surgeon, puzzled. "W-what can I help you with?"

"Do you have a few minutes? I need to talk to you."

Astrid glanced at the door beneath her hand once more and shrugged. _Surely Lissy won't mind being alone with her mother_ , she thought dryly and followed the doctor into the staff's kitchen on the other side of the corridor, directly across from this room.

"We can talk here so we'll notice if anything happens to your fosterling," Dr C said knowingly and waved toward a group of chairs clustered around a table. "Have a seat, please. Coffee?" he asked and Astrid nodded, though only to contradict herself immediately, blushing.

"No, no coffee, thanks."

"Tea then?"

She thought for a moment and nodded. "Yeah, tea would be nice. Chamomile perhaps?" Chamomile was supposed to be calming, right? Calming was good… She watched the doctor preparing two cups of tea before he sat down across from her. "So, what is all this about?" she asked, nervous again. If a doctor thought it was necessary for one to sit down and have something to drink before a conversation that couldn't be a good sign, right?

"Right…" he began. "You and Mr Haddock are taking care of Ms, Johnson's daughter, right?" he asked and she nodded. "So… Sorry, I'm not trying to pry. This is more about the question of whether you’re entitled to know this or not. But... how _exactly_ are your agreements concerning Elisabeth Johnsons's fostering?"

Astrid frowned and then shrugged. "We officially became her foster parents; I did all the paperwork with the youth farewell myself. As long as her mother isn't able to leave the hospital and can take care of her again, we are her guardians."

Dr C nodded, grimacing. "Well, that makes this fairly easy. And all the more _necessary."_ He paused for a moment and gave her a grave look. "It's about Ms Johnson's state of health…"

**. o O o .**

** Lissy **

"And this is my room," she announced happily, holding up her sketchpad with the according page. "I have my own room, can you believe that?" Lissy grinned brightly and saw a weak smile on her mom's face. She wasn't looking all too well, still bandaged, connected to a handful of tubes, tired, and even thinner than just a week ago. But Lissy was used to that by now, had expected nothing else.

"That's wonderful, honey" her mom whispered, and she patted her head lightly. "Do they treat you well, then?"

"Yes, they are _really_ nice!" Normally, Lissy had to act or exaggerate when it came to her foster parents. She didn't want to give her mother further cause to worry, after all. But this time, it was different. It wasn't hard to be cheerful about her current foster parent, not at all. "They even bought me new clothes and all. And yesterday, Astrid took me with her to choose her wedding dress."

"Astrid?" her mom croaked, grimacing. She would need to rest soon, Lissy thought. She'd best hurry and tell her everything she wanted to tell her.

"Yeah, she's the one who's taking care of me. She's really kind! And pretty, too. She liked my ideas for her dress, you know? I can't show you the dress though, we left my drawing at the boutique so these weird twins would be able to make this dress for her. And her friends are friendly, too. And her boyfriend! Or fiancé. He even brought me a book about drawing techniques!" She beamed at her mom

"That's really kind of them. I'm glad you're in good care," she said with a sad smile and averted her eyes. Lissy bid her lip, angry at herself for making her mom sad. She probably would have bought her a book like that, too, if she would have been able to afford it. Well, maybe she could distract her at least. She thumbed through her sketch pad until she found the right page.

"Here," she said and scooted closer to her mom on the bed. "This is Astrid.” She pointed at Astrid’s face on the sketch she’d made yesterday. As I said, she's very pretty. And here are Heather and Fishlegs, her friends. They are both a bit weird, but nice, too. And then there's Dr Cullen and Margaret, the nurse. You probably met–" 

Lissy paused as her mom reached for the sheet of paper and brushed over it, carefully as not to smudge the black lines that outlined another face. 

"Oh, that's Hiccup," she explained. "He's Astrid's fiancé. Also really friendly and kind, even though he's a bit reserved sometimes. And these two at the bottom are the crazy twins I mentioned," she finished her explanation and looked back at her mom. 

She seemed not to listen to her anymore though. Her eyes were fixed on her drawings even though she didn't seem to really see them. Lissy frowned and wanted to ask her about it when someone knocked at the door and a moment later, Astrid finally joined them as well.

**. o O o .**

** Astrid **

Astrid stood in front of the door that led to Hiccup's former room, Carina Johnson's room, and tried to pull herself together. She tried to compose herself, to gather her strength and courage, to put on a calm façade for what lay in front of her. Knowing less would, indeed, have been easier, so very much easier. But Dr C had been right; she'd needed to know this.

Even though it was horrible.

She took a last deep breath and knocked before she hesitantly opened the door and stepped into the room. Lissy was sitting at the edge of the bed, just like she'd done so often herself two years ago, beaming at her and beckoning her over before she turned back to her mother with a wide smile. Astrid's eyes followed her gaze, and for the first time met the eyes of this other woman. The room was only dimly lid, the curtains closed against the bright midday sun, but she could still see those light blue, water-coloured eyes. Her hair was cut short into some kind of pixie cut but she could imagine how she would have looked like with longer hair, like Lissy's, like she'd worn on the photo in Lissy's room. There was something in the other woman's eyes, a spark of… of recognition? But how…

"Mom, this is Astrid. I just told you about her," Lissy introduced her. "And Astrid, this is my mom." The girl looked from one to the other, grinning widely, and Astrid forced a smile onto her face as well as she stepped closer to the bed. She wasn't sure how to behave now, what to do, how to react. But then… she wasn't sure whether she was _supposed_ to know any of the things she knew. And pretending she _didn't_ know them would probably be the easiest now anyway, if only for Lissy’s sake.

"Hello, Ms Johnson," she said as cheerfully as she could muster. "It's good to see you finally awake again." That was the right thing to say, wasn't it? The other woman just looked at her though, her eyes searching hers. There was something in them, some knowledge she recognized. This woman _knew_ , just like she did herself. Knew who she was, somehow. Sure, Lissy might have told her about her, but… but somehow, there was more, something Astrid couldn't name, couldn't place. Carina Johnson knew more about Astrid than Lissy could have told her in these few minutes, just like Astrid knew more about Carina Johnson.

"Thank you," the woman eventually whispered. Only seconds could have passed since Lissy was still sitting there unperturbed, smiling at them both, but to Astrid, it felt like an eternity had passed. "Ms Hofferson, isn't it? Lissy told me you are taking care of her. Thanks for that as well."

Astrid looked at Lissy and couldn't help but smile lovingly. "You're welcome," she replied reflexively and added, "And I _mean_ that. Lissy is great!" Astrid winked at the girl, but she didn't seem to have listened to her at all.

"You _know_ her?" Lissy exclaimed, disbelievingly, staring at her mother. "I never told you her full name."

A few muscles in Carina Johnsons's face twitched, but otherwise, she did not react as her eyes left Astrid and wandered back to her daughter for a moment. "Yes, I know who she is, honey," she said, snorting lightly, and turned back to Astrid. "About to marry the most sought after Bachelor there is, aren't you? My congratulations."

Astrid gulped but tried not to let any of her uneasiness show. Gods, this situation probably was the most awkward she'd ever been in. If this would have come from anyone else… but…

Astrid grimaced appropriately, but kept up her smile nonetheless, shrugging in half fake embarrassment. She was that lucky, after all. "Looks like it. Thanks"

"So, it's _Hiccup_ who's famous?" Lissy asked, bewildered, and earned herself two puzzled looks. "Why? What's so special about him?"

_What's special about him?_ Astrid thought, smiling inwardly. He was the kindest, funniest, and most loyal man there was. He made her feel safe and light, and losing him would be more than she could bear. He was brilliant, and whatever problem came up, he was always able to find a solution. She hoped so, at least… 

But none of that she could say out loud. Not here and not now…

"Oh, that's weird grown-up stuff, honey," Carina Johnson said with a wry smile and ruffled her daughter's hair. "He’s a famous inventor, rich and successful. And he's also…" She broke off and bit her lip. "Ah, nevermind..." She closed her eyes, a pained look on her face.

The unspoken words made Astrid's heart shrink.

"Lissy, could you do me a favour?" Carina asked after a pause, her voice suddenly weak and tired. She looked exhausted. "Could you go and look for the nurse? I think I need to rest a bit…"

"Sure," Lissy replied after a moment's hesitation, hopped off the bed, and left the room. Astrid looked after her with a soft smile before she turned to say her farewell. She paused though when she caught the expression on Carina Johnson’s face. She still looked exhausted but far less so than only seconds ago, her light eyes burning into hers.

"I was determined to hate you!" Astrid heard her whisper and her eyes widened. There was an altogether different person now sitting in that bed, and as surprised as she was, Astrid still recognised a part of herself in that other woman. She was a fighter who would do everything for the happiness of those dear to her. "For so many years, I was determined to hate you… And now I find that I… that I just can't." Carina Johnson closed her eyes, her voice breaking at the end and a lonely tear running down each of her cheeks.

"What?"Astrid was, puzzled. What was that supposed to _mean?_ For years? How– 

"I heard the doctor's voice outside earlier… He talked to you, didn't he? Told you everything?" Carina Johnson’s voice sounded detached now, lifeless somehow, hopeless…

Astrid swallowed and briefly closed her eyes. "Yes," she said simply, not sure how else to react. She deserved honesty, after all.

Carina Johnson opened her eyes again and stared at the ceiling, eyes shimmering. "Would you promise me one thing, then?" she asked and Astrid shivered. Whatever it would be, she couldn't deny it, could she? And yet… Astrid knew, there were things she'd _never_ agree to.

"Promise me you'll take care of my girl," Carina Johnson whispered and her gaze met hers again. Her eyes were burning, hard and strong even through the glistening tears in them. "Promise me you'll take care of my love. Both of them."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right... 😬


	12. 11 – Many Questions And One Simple Answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took ages, but here we finally go...

** Hiccup **

Hiccup sat at the desk in his office and stared down at his phone, his hand trembling. Talking to Astrid usually had a calming effect on him, but today, nothing was _as usual._ Yes, they would need to talk tonight… About a lot!

During the past few days, his mind had been a _mess._

The shock about Carina's letter and about seeing her and Lissy on Monday had thrown him off guard and had made him question and doubt his future. But even though it hadn’t done anything to _lighten_ his problems, holding Astrid in his arms that night had at least brought back some perspective. It had reminded him of what he wanted, how he never wanted to live without her ever again. He’d had _a lot_ of time to think about it, and he knew now that, as long as the decision was up to him, he would always choose her, no matter what. He felt sorry for Carina and for Lissy especially, but choosing to stay with them – as he probably should in case he really was Lissy's father – well, that just wouldn't do. _If_ Carina had told the truth, then she and Lissy would be a part of his life from now on, and nothing would be able to change that. And of course, he would follow his duty and care for them in whatever way possible. But getting back together with Carina and acting out being a family… No, that would do neither of them any justice. Theirs had never been a relationship based on love; pretending so now wouldn’t help anyone. 

But Hiccup was well aware that this might not be his decision to be made anyway. It would be Astrid's decision – whether she still wanted to be with him after she learned about Lissy’s identity. _If_ there was anything to learn…

His cleared head on Tuesday morning had led to one other realisation, though. He’d realised that Astrid was quarrelling with her own problems – even though he had no idea what those could be. He’d tried to come up with an explanation, had gone through their conversations and everything that had happened during the last days, and had tried to find some explanation for her obvious anxiety. But no matter how hard he’d tried, he hadn't been able to come up with a sufficient explanation. With their wedding plans, he knew that one _possible_ explanation could be that she’d gotten _cold feet._ But given how eager she’d been and how she usually let him know in no uncertain terms what she wanted… No, that wasn’t a _sensible_ explanation either, especially when she was so eager to get all the preparations for their wedding done, and didn't even want to put up with waiting for only five short months for her favourite location to be available. 

No, it had to be something else. It also could be the stress of the past weeks finally crashing down on her, now that she had time to actually relax. But… well, he'd gotten the impression that it was something bigger than that, that she was keeping her own secrets from him. That in itself wasn’t a problem, though. Hiccup trusted Astrid, and he knew that, _if_ she was keeping anything from him, then she certainly had her reasons and would talk to him about it when she was ready. He just hoped she would do so soon so he could help her carry her burden, whatever it would be. In case she would _let_ him after today's revelations…

But no matter how pressing all these thoughts were, today they all got pushed into the background. He’d dreaded and awaited this day. Whatever the outcome of today's events would be, he would finally know for sure whether he had a daughter or not. Then he could stop overthinking every possibility; all this pondering did for him was driving him crazy anyway. As soon as Heather got the results for the test, he had to tell Astrid, _if_ there was anything to tell, and, if she still talked to him afterwards, talk about how they would deal with this situation. _If_ there was a situation. But this day dragged on longer than he would have thought possible and it was barely even noon…

A part of him still believed… hoped… whatever… that Carina had just made up this story to blackmail him. It just didn't make any _sense._ They'd been friends in college, good friends even. Yes, _friends with benefits_ but still good friends. Besides having sex, they'd also talked about all kinds of stuff. It just didn't make any sense for her _not_ to tell him sooner if she'd been having his child. But then, a lot of things hadn't made sense back then. Like the rejection he'd experienced from all their former friends and the lack of any contact at all. He'd expected to stay in touch with her, through emails at least, but not even that had happened. And then to come up with this story now… From what Lissy had told them so far, he guessed that they'd always struggled when it came to money but had also always managed somehow. Again, it didn't make any sense that Carina would come up with this _now_ and in this strange manner especially. What could have changed that she came up with such a story _now?_

But then, there was another part of him. A strangely detached part, a part that would listen to neither rhyme or reason, that was looming in the background of his mind, quietly but always _there_. A part that had grown fond of Lissy and would actually be proud to be her father...

"Hiccup?" 

Thankfully, a voice tore him out of these disturbing thoughts before he could pursue it further, and he looked up to find Heather leaning in the doorway to his office. "Hey, Heather," he greeted her, rubbing his forehead to wipe away those thoughts. He didn't _want_ to think like that. If this test proved his paternity, then that would be the worst thing that could happen today – that and everything that would follow. Confessing to Astrid that he knew Carina, telling her who she was, and bringing up the mere _idea_ of the possibility he might have been Lissy's father; that would be horrible enough. 

And he shouldn’t think of this now anyway, not with always too observant Heather around. Sure, she already knew everything anyway, but still. "What's up?"

Heather gave him a long scrutinizing look. "Have you and Astrid talked?" 

He frowned. Hadn't it been her very reasonable idea to wait until he knew for sure? "No, we haven't," he answered with a sigh. "Have you heard anything about the test yet? Do you know how much longer it's going to take?"

"I see…" Heather mumbled and threw him another unreadable look, confusing him further before she answered. "And no, I haven’t. But the guys down in the lab did their best, some even worked through the nights to get this test done as soon as possible, just so you know. I'll have the result in a few hours."

Hiccup gulped. "Thanks," he whispered. Sometimes it was just too easy to forget how lucky he was… "Could you… I don't know… thank them in any way, too? I mean…" He broke off and bit his lip. It wasn't like he could go there himself and thank them for their effort when all this was about hiding who's DNA exactly it was they were analyzing.

"Consider it done," Heather stated simply and gave him another one of her strange glances. "Just promise me one thing. Talk to Astrid as soon as possible, okay?" She paused and before she turned to return to her office, she added, "I don't like keeping secrets from a friend…"

**. o O o .**

Hiccup stood in the hospital's entrance hall, hidden behind a decorative column, and threw yet another glance at his phone. Ever since the attack two years ago, both he and Astrid always had the GPS on their phones turned on, just in case. But so far, he’d never used that to track down her every movement, not like he was doing now. He felt bad for doing so, guilty and even impure in some way – but he really, really, _really_ didn't want to run into her right now. He didn't want to explain why he’d come to the hospital to talk to Carina too, not right now at least. He would talk to Astrid tonight – no, as soon as he was done here. He would tell her everything, would hold nothing back. But first, he needed to know himself what was going on. It just wouldn't do to tell her the smattering he knew now, that would only make things worse.

He hadn't been able to sit and wait in his office any longer though, too keyed-up to do anything productive anyway, and the strange glances Heather had given him had done the rest. Besides, he’d planned to talk to Carina anyway, so why not do it now when she was finally awake and he had to kill a few hours in any case. He rather would have had the test results in hand so he could confront her with the hard facts, but he still couldn't imagine a scenario in which that was necessary. They’d been _friends!_

During his short cab ride to the hospital, he’d remembered that, of course, Astrid and Lissy would go to visit Carina, too. At first, he’d pondered leaving it to fate whether he would meet them there or not, but the closer he’d gotten to the hospital the more nervous he’d become until he’d reluctantly opened the GPS tracking app. There was just no way he could talk to Astrid _now_ , without having anything solid to tell her. 

And according to the blinking icon on his phone, she should pass him any moment now. 

Nervously, he threw a glance out of his hiding place and sure enough caught sight of Astrid's shining golden hair as she and Lissy came down the stairs. They both didn't look exactly _happy,_ but from this distance, he couldn't see more. They reached the floor and walked through the hall, past his hiding place and out through the glass doors without exchanging one word or glance or paying any heed to their surroundings. Seeing them both detached like that gave him a bad feeling. Had something happened to Carina? Or had she told Astrid everything after all?

He'd thought it unlikely that Carina would do so after she'd gone to such lengths to keep that bit of information from Astrid for now. And then, obviously, Lissy didn't know of any of this as well or the girl surely would have said something by now. In addition, he doubted the two of them would have calmly walked side by side and both caught up in their own thoughts in case Carina had just dropped that bomb on them. It was possible... but _highly_ unlikely.

Still, his eyes followed Astrid's figure with a certain longing as she and Lissy made their way through the park and away from the hospital, and he mentally apologized for being such a coward, for hiding when all he wanted was to rush toward her, to hold her in his arms, and to tell her everything. But first, he needed to know… 

He inhaled deeply and made his way up to the ICU, toward the girl – no, the _woman_ who'd been his friend once and who now held the answers he needed. When he reached the ICU and his former room though, he heard a voice calling to him through the corridor.

"Mr Haddock!" Dr Cullen jogged toward him, agile as always. "I didn't expect to see you here as well today. I'm sorry, but I fear you just missed your fiancée." 

Hiccup shook the offered hand and nodded toward the surgeon in greeting. Ever since the man had attached his _Pegleg_ and the months of rehab afterwards, a careful friendship of some sort had arisen between them.

"Dr Cullen, good to see you," he replied in a calm and friendly voice that came almost naturally by now whenever the situation called for a careful formal front. "Yes, I know she already left. But I need to talk to Ms Johnson, too. There are matters about her daughter that my fiancée didn't think of asking."

The other man gave him a thoughtful look and nodded. "I see," he said. "But I fear you won't be able to talk to Ms Johnson right now. Ms Hofferson and Elisabeth left because it was time for her next dose of painkillers. She'll be asleep by now." He took a glance at his watch. "For two or three hours at least, I'd say. You're free to wait, of course, or I could have you called when she wakes up."

Hiccup slumped down inwardly. Another few hours to wait… That seemed to be the motto of the day. But there really wasn't anything else to do. "Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll wait here until she wakes up again," he announced, and the doctor nodded.

"I'd say ask the nurses if you need anything, but you know your way around." He paused for a moment and was about to say something else when his beeper sounded and he hastily excused himself. 

Wistfully, Hiccup followed the surgeon with his eyes as he hurried down the corridor. Talking to him, no matter the topic, would have been a pleasant way to pass some time, but apparently, that was not to be. Well, he couldn’t change it. First, he would get himself a coffee and maybe some buns for lunch, and then he would wait, as dreadful as that prospect was right now. More time to think, to ponder every option, to drive himself insane. 

After an hour of sitting in the waiting room and going through all kinds of magazines, the small area suddenly got pretty crowded though as one patient and, apparently, his entire football team entered. Hiccup left the room to them, unable to bear their noisy chatter right now. He considered returning to the cafeteria downstairs, but it had been equally crowded when he’d been there earlier, and if he went there, asking Margaret to inform him when Carina was awake would be downright rude. So he did the only thing he could think of and, after consoling with Margaret, quietly entered Carina's room to wait there.

It was so strange seeing her, though not as bad as it had been on Monday. On Monday, he’d still hoped for some miracle, had hoped for an incredible coincidence only for those hopes to get thoroughly shattered when he'd finally seen and recognized her. Today, it wasn't as bad but still bad enough. For today, he was alone. There was no one around to see him and keeping an unfazed façade only for his own sake took more strength than he had. He took a ragged breath where he stood near the door, staring at the pale face amidst the pillows, tubes, and wires.

Once, she'd been his friend. A _good_ friend, compared to others at that time. Her behaviour now just didn't make any sense. How had they ended up at different ends of a blackmail attempt, for Thor's sake? He'd often wondered what had become of her, had actually done so only a few weeks ago. But to have his question answered like this… It hurt more than he could explain even to himself.

Because she didn't look good. Sure, much of that was because of her recent accident, the bloody scratches on her face, the thick bandages and all… But there was more. She looked thin and haggard, and that surely was not just because of the accident and the following surgery.

Shaking his head, he sat down on the chair at the small table that stood to the side of the room. This brooding wouldn't help him, he needed _solid_ answers. But he wouldn’t _get_ those yet, so he tried to distract himself, tried to think of more practical things. But a topic like how to continue with one project or another just wasn’t able to hold his interest right now. So he thought about whether he should get some fancy dinner on his way home, but even that was fruitless. He wasn't even sure _how_ he would get home today, much less when or in which state. Or whether anyone would be in the mood to eat anything anyway…

For what felt like the hundred's time, he tried to think about how to break the news to Astrid _if_ there were any news. But just like every other time, the proper words eluded him. Probably because there simply _were_ no proper words for a situation like this. 

_Hey, my love. I'm sorry, but the girl you invited to stay with us is actually my daughter._

Yeah, right… 

_Hey, wanna hear a joke? Apparently, there's no need for you to get pregnant anymore, because I already am a dad._

_So_ not funny! 

With a groan, he buried his face in his hands. There were no good words to deliver this news. And no mediocre ones either. And it didn't really matter _how_ he would tell her anyway. If he had to tell her this, then it would hurt her. _He_ would hurt her. He'd sworn to himself that he would never hurt her… 

With a groan, he shifted to let his head rest on the cold table. Maybe, just _maybe_ , there wouldn't be anything to tell her. Just that Carina used to be his friend, just that he wanted to help her and her daughter. Nothing more. Maybe… 

His gaze shifted back toward the bed where the answers to his problems lay, buried inside her head. If only she would wake up soon!

But Carina needed all the rest she could get. 

When he tore his gaze away from her again, his eyes fell on something that lay on the floor beside her bed, halfway hidden beneath it. It was a small, light green backpack. Lissy's backpack? Surely, it had to be. She must have forgotten it when she'd been here earlier. 

Quietly, he walked over to the bed, picked the backpack up, and sat down again. Maybe he could make at least Lissy happy when he brought her pencils and sketchbook back… The latter actually peeked out of the bag through the opened zipper and on it, he recognized a pair of all too familiar eyes and the proper face to go with them. Almost on its own accord, his hand reached for the sketchbook to take a look at Astrid's image on the paper. 

It was _faultless_. 

Lissy had perfectly captured her beauty, her vivid eyes and that witty expression, and looking at her warm smile made a lump rise in his throat. Would she ever look at him like that again after today? Gods, he hoped she would! If not, then he wasn't sure how to continue. 

But he would _have_ to. In case he actually would lose Astrid today – just to think these words caused incredible pain and his breathing accelerated – then it was because he had a daughter. Even if there would be nothing else left for him, for her he would need to go on. 

Swallowing hard, he tore his eyes away from Astrid's image, and with barely any interest took a look at the other pictures. He saw Heather and Fishlegs, Dr Cullen, Margaret, and two people he didn't know, though he guessed those would be the Thorston-Twins Astrid and Lissy had told him about last night. And he saw himself and his mother. 

_Valka!_ he berated himself reflexively. Strange, he hadn't even been aware that Valka and Lissy had already met, neither had mentioned it. But then, why would they? Lissy had no idea who that woman might be, and Valka… Well, she hadn't talked to him at all since he'd abruptly left her office after their argument on Monday. And even if she'd met Lissy, it was likely that she, too, had no idea who the girl had been.

Valka's expression on this image was strange, however. It was possible that Lissy hadn't been very accurate there, but the other portraits were _perfect_ , capturing so much of the personalities it was almost creepy. But Valka… she looked tired and hurt in a way he'd _never_ seen her. He remembered something Astrid had told him once and wondered. Was this how his mother looked and behaved when he wasn't around? Was that what Astrid had once called her icy armour she only wore when she had to deal with him? It was possible, he supposed But if this here was her true self… With a sigh, he pushed that thought aside. He couldn't deal with his mother and her feelings right now. There was already too much on his mind, he just couldn't! He would have to do so eventually... but not now.

He tore his eyes away from his mother's image and his gaze fell on the one next to hers, the one of himself… He'd seen many pictures of himself during the last months. Some had been official shots for the in-house news or for some engineering or economy magazine while others had been more private and involuntary, taken by some paparazzo or other. But on neither one had he looked like this, reserved and guarded. Was that how he'd behaved toward Lissy during the last two days? Entirely possible with how she was the living reminder of all his fears these days. But he would have to do _better._ It wasn't her fault that her existence and presence caused him quite a headache; she was just a child. Sure, not just any ordinary child but a child nonetheless. Whatever the outcome of today's events would be, he would need to put some effort into being more friendly toward her.

But she had caught him quite well… Hiccup wasn't sure whether it had been a coincidence, a subconscious decision, or actually on purpose, but even this drawn image of him seemed to look longingly at Astrid's image. Even with all the other images on this page and although they weren't placed close to each other, there was nothing in their way, really, nothing to separate them. If only that would be true for their real selves as well…

With a sigh, Hiccup turned the page to look at the other pictures. He knew he probably shouldn't do that, but he just needed something to do or he would go mad. The pages after that first one were empty though, with only the visible remains of one torn-out page. The one of Astrid's wedding dress… His hand reached out to touch the place where it had been. Both Lissy and even always cool and composed Heather had been rather excited about the dress, had called it perfect while Astrid had only blushed. Gods, how he wanted to see her in it. 

_Please!_ he prayed with all he had. _Please, let me see her wearing it, let there be a wedding,_ let that miracle happen.

His fingers brushed over the empty page once more before he flipped back toward the previous ones. He _needed_ to distract himself. He skipped over the page with the portraits and another one that showed two pictures of their apartment before the next page made him pause again. It took him a moment to understand what he was looking at but when he did, another wave of anguish washed through him. It showed Carina, sitting in one of their favourite spots on _the lair's_ ground, looking around searchingly. Lissy had mentioned that she'd been to _the lair_ before yesterday, but he hadn't been aware… He flipped on, over the drawing of Carlo's table decoration and on through uncountable pictures that all showed parts of _the lair_. Some showed only buildings while others depicted people as well. Carina was on some of them, but there were also other people. Partially, people he _knew_! 

He recognized colleagues and friends, sitting gathered on the rocks and benches as they all did occasionally on sunny days, chatting and eating during their break. Judging by the different clothes, Carina and Lissy must have spent days after days on _the lair's_ public ground and on all these pictures, Carina seemed to search for something. Or for _someone_. 

_She'd been looking for me,_ Hiccup realized with a start. Maybe she'd wanted to talk to him after all and that letter had just been her last option. And, _Hel_ , it would have _worked_. He remembered how their colleagues had asked whether Astrid and he would join them outside, and knew that they would have if not for all the extra work they'd had because of Fishlegs' and Heather's honeymoon. All of this could have ended quite differently. 

Or... would it? 

Would Carina have confronted him directly then, with Lissy and Astrid nearby? He doubted that… But Thor, whatever she'd planned it wouldn't have ended here, in the hospital. That at least would have been different, although possibly nothing else. Lissy existed, there was no way around that. He gulped and laid the sketch pad aside. She existed and the question of her parentage remained.

With shaky hands, he stashed the sketchbook back into the backpack where it belonged, had to rummage a bit to make it fit. The pencil case took quite a bit of space and– What was that? Another sheet of paper, blank on the outside lay crumpled at the bottom of the backpack amidst crumbs and bits, and he pulled it out, curious as to what kind of image would make Lissy want to destroy it. Carefully, he pulled the paper apart and stared in confusion at the short letter that was on the inside. Not a picture after all… He recognized the letterhead and sober layout of the clinical centre he'd spent over a year of his life in and a strange kind of anxiety washed through him. Was Lissy sick? Was that why Carina had needed so much money all of a sudden?

_Dear Ms Carina Johnson._

he read and swallowed as his throat went suddenly dry as parchment. He scanned the letter quickly and frowned. _Not so sober after all…_ was all his stunned mind came up with at first. It was signed with:

_Kind regards_

_Dr Benjamin F. Pierce_

How strange… Dr Pierce… Hiccup knew the man and he wasn't known to befriend patients easily. For him to write a letter like this… He shook his head to clear his mind. That was _not_ the point right now! This was– 

"So many times, I imagined how we would meet again, but I never thought it would be like this," a weak voice suddenly sounded through the room. 

Hiccup's head jerked up and he dropped the letter, startled by that unexpected sound. He stared into her pale blue eyes, surprisingly clear considering she'd just woken up, swallowed and slowly got to his feet to walk toward her. He tried to reply but didn't know what or how. What should he say to her, how should he respond to that? He had never thought of seeing her again. _Never!_ The fact that she apparently had…

"Kiki…" her old nickname was all he was able to come up with. Despite everything, he wasn't prepared to talk to her. He probably should have thought about how and what he wanted to say to her, but he hadn't. In fact, he hadn't thought about _her_ at all.

"Don't!" she interrupted him firmly. "Please, just… don't," she added, and he noticed the pain on her face and in her voice as well. It wasn't just physical pain…

"Carina…" He tried anew but broke off again. What could he _possibly_ say to her?

Carina snorted harshly, eyes suddenly harder. "Not as witty anymore, I see? A pity… I could use one of your funny remarks right now."

He took a deep breath and tried to gather his thoughts. He had to start somewhere… Information. Simple and solid information, those always were a good start. "Carina, I… I'm not sure whether you know, but… ahm… Lissy–"

"–ended up as your _foster child_ , I know." She waved dismissively. "Someday soon you have to tell me how that happened. The irony really is _remarkable_." She gave him a sarcastic look but after a few silent moments, it turned thoughtful and resigned. "Go ahead, Hic, ask your questions. You haven't changed at all. I can still see them written all over your face and I don't have time for games. Just ask. Ask and be gone." 

With these words, she averted her face and although Hiccup couldn't be sure he thought he'd seen the glistening of tears in her eyes. He took another deep breath and straightened up. Simple questions and answers, that was something he could do! And she knew that…

"Lissy," he simply prompted and waited for her reaction. For a guilty grimace that would unmask her lie or anything similar, for a confirmation that she, indeed, had only invented that story. But she just looked back at him, confused.

"What about her?" she asked, shrugging.

"She isn't… I'm not really her father, am I? You just made that up, didn't you? I mean, that can't…" He trailed off as he noticed her concerned expression.

For a few moments, she just gazed at him, a strange look on her face that made him uncomfortable before she said: "You've spent some time with her during these two days, too, haven't you? You've seen how she is. And you _still_ have to ask?"

_No, no, no!_ he thought desperately, and shook his head. No, she didn't mean what he _thought_ she meant. She _couldn't_ mean that.

"And here I always thought it obviously can’t have been _me_ she inherited her brainpower from." Carina gave him a sad look. "She's just like you. So smart and always many steps ahead of everyone else. More often than not, I can't follow her thoughts anymore, even though I try hard. _Of course_ , she's your daughter! I'd never make up a story like that…"

Hiccup staggered backwards toward the chair again as his hopes crumbled and his whole world seemed to unhinge. Of course, he'd noticed… But he hadn't believed, hadn't _wanted_ to believe. He slumped down into the chair and buried his face in his palms. Because it couldn't be… It mustn't be! It didn't make any sense. It just…

Right! There had been reasons why he hadn't believed her. Because nothing of all of this made any _sense_. He didn't want to think of his former friend as a liar, but the alternative was worse. He looked up at her again, eyes hard. "I don’t believe you. It doesn't make any sense. You were on the pill! Hel, I even got it for you occasionally. And even if… How can you be sure that really _I_ am her father? And why haven't you told me directly, if you thought so? We were _friends_ , Carina. If you would have told me, I would have been there for you, would have helped. And why now? Why did you write that letter when you could have contacted me directly at any time? If you needed money, why didn't you just ask? Again, we were friends, Carina, _friends_! If you had asked, I would have given you as much as you needed. Why did you try to blackmail me instead with such a story? _IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!_ " 

Hiccup had talked himself into a rage, the questions spilling out of him like water held back for too long, the pressure behind them too great. It couldn't… _mustn't_ be true!

Carina had listened to him, quietly and with an unreadable expression. But now, she averted her eyes with a small gasp, gazing past him into nothing. For a while, she was quiet, gathering her thoughts, and then closed her eyes. "So many questions," she whispered. "So many riddles and one simple solution. You really don't see it?" She opened her eyes again, searching his face for what he did not know. But he just shook his head again. No, he couldn't see a _solution to these riddles_ , as she'd called it. If he could, he wouldn’t have needed to ask. He _had_ thought about all this a lot after all.

After a few additional moments, Carina gave up and looked away again, sighing. "Such a simple solution… But the fact that you can't see it proves, once and for all, that I was right." She took a deep breath and turned back toward him, eyes suddenly drilling into his. "I'm in love with you, Hic. Always have been." 

Hiccup's eyes widened at her words, the only reaction he was capable of. No, she hadn't! She'd… He'd been sure she hadn't! She'd been with others, too. She– He tried to say something, anything, to tell her that wasn't possible, but she lifted a hand to stop him. 

"No, don't! Don't say anything…" She paused, grimacing, then added, "I've fallen in love with you almost right at the beginning. But you'd told me you couldn't love anyone else, couldn't _be_ with anyone else like that so I didn't say a word. You ask how I can be sure you are Lissy's father? It's simple. I haven't slept with anyone but you. Ever!"

Hiccup shook his head. That wasn't possible. It wasn't! "But–" he began but Carina interrupted him again.

"But you've seen me with others, I know. I made _sure_ you did." She grimaced, an embarrassed blush on her pale cheeks. "As stupid as it was, I tried to make you jealous. I thought… Oh, nevermind. We both know that would never have worked."

"No, it wouldn't…" Hiccup whispered. She had _known_ , for Thor's sake!

But if she’d heard him, she didn’t react. "I've flirted and left with other men, but never actually _went_ with them. Sometimes I found a trivial excuse but mostly they knew and just played along. It s _erved their reputation,_ or whatever. It doesn't matter anymore. Over time, I realised that I would never be able to make you jealous, make you _notice_ me." She paused again, staring absentmindedly right through him. "But even though I knew that I still wanted to be with you, unhealthy as that was. I wanted to _help_ you. You've been so miserable in the beginning and if you couldn't love me then I at least wanted you to be happy… I wanted to make sure you wouldn't fall into that hole again. But it _hurt._ Astrid… Always only Astrid!" 

At that, Hiccup perked his head up. Yes, Carina had known that he'd loved someone else, but he’d never _mentioned_ Astrid's name, hadn't dared to say it out loud back then. Carina leaned back into her pillows, eyes closed, and for a moment, Hiccup thought she was in pain from the twisted expression on her face. Then she moved, fitfully threw her head from one side to the other, and when he heard her voice again, he understood. She was acting, imitating what she'd witnessed. Imitating _him_!

"Astrid," she moaned. "Astrid, where are you? I need you! Astrid… Astrid, I… I love you…" 

A moment later, she opened her eyes again, her cool gaze the opposite of her act just now. As was her voice. "You talked in your sleep, did you know that? Night after night after night I heard you calling out for your Astrid. Sometimes, when you were lost in thoughts, you even called _me_ Astrid. You always got that dreamy smile then, the one I loved most. The one you only ever got when you thought of _her._

"I realized then that I couldn't live like that. I realized that you would never… _never_ love me back, so when that note from your tutor arrived, I did everything to encourage you. I wanted you to get out of that life, wanted to not feel responsible for your well-being anymore, wanted you to be… _be safe_." She closed her eyes for a moment, resigned. "I wanted you to be gone, to become happy with what you wanted and let me carry on as well. I… I only took one reminder, one of your things…"

"Tegs..." Hiccup murmured and Carina nodded.

"Tegs. Twisted as all of that was, I still wanted you to miss a part of your life with me, even if it would only be your childhood toy." She shook her head. "Sorry about that. I know by now how stupid that was."

But Hiccup actually was relieved, his mind working quickly through the alternatives. "So you didn't take him because you already knew you were pregnant," he stated soberly. All that she'd told him… it was too much! Too much information and too many emotions to deal with right now, so his mind filed those away to deal with them later. "Did you do it on purpose?" he asked after a pause, but Carina just snorted.

"Whether I got pregnant on purpose? Odin, no! I thought we were careful but let's be honest. Alcohol and partying don't go well with any medication, we both know that. After you left, I took the pill nonstop to avoid my period; I just didn't want to deal with PMS in addition to everything else. I didn't go to parties anymore, which was probably good. But I also didn't really notice how time flew by, and so it took me a long time to actually _realise_ I was pregnant. Maybe I still could have… But I didn't _want_ to! From one day to the other, my life had a purpose and I never regretted keeping her. But I didn't plan for it. That might have made sense if I had actually _wanted_ to keep you. I know you would have stayed. But that wasn’t what I wanted. I didn't want you to stay with me out of some sense of duty when you would never love me. That's why I didn't tell you later as well. Rumours said you were quite content with your success in your studies and I was happy to hear that. You had your life and I…" she gulped. "And we had ours."

"You should have told me," Hiccup said quietly. It was hard to wrap his head around the concept of actually and truly having a daughter all of a sudden. But to think he already had, for almost ten years, and hadn’t know…

"And then what?" Carina asked softly. "What would have happened, Hic? Come on, you're smart. Think it through. You would have stayed and we would have tried. We both would have given everything. And yet, neither one of us would have been happy. Maybe it would have worked for a few years, but what then? When life becomes a routine, you need love to keep it all together. We would have argued, would have disagreed, but there never would have been a real breaking up and making up for us. We wouldn't have been a couple, we never have been. We would have been roommates without the possibility of ever moving out. That's not an environment I wanted for my daughter."

_Her_ daughter… Hiccup thought with a painful pang but didn't say anything. What should he say anyway? She was right. With every single word… They would never have been a real family.

Carina seemed to see the realisation on his face and nodded. "That's also why I wrote that letter," she said hesitantly. "I know it was stupid… But it was the only way I could think of. I read an article, read that you got engaged to your childhood sweetheart Astrid. And I was _happy_ for you! You know… For a while, I hated your Astrid. I thought that if she wouldn't exist or if you just would have been able to get over her, then you could have loved me instead. I hated how you were hurting because of her, because if she really was the one as you said then why wasn't she there? But when I read about your engagement… I think I understood it then. I realised that you were apparently right to hold on to her. You two sure looked happy in that picture. I guess she's not the bad person I wanted her to be. I wanted to hate her and blame her for everything." She paused and a sad smile crossed over her face.

"But Lissy likes her. She's a very good judge of character, so that's enough for me. It _has_ to be enough, I guess. Lissy, she… she's been through a lot already, had to stay with so many different foster parents. But I've never seen her as happy with any of them as today with your Astrid. She really cares for her; I didn't expect that. I didn't think she would accept Lissy that easily." 

At that, Hiccup frowned in confusion. What did she mean by that? Why wouldn't she? Astrid didn't know who Lissy was, after all. Or…

"Did you tell her?" he asked, voice shaky. He'd thought it unlikely, but he still wanted to make sure. "About Lissy, I mean. Did you tell Astrid who she is, who you are?" It would serve him right. If Astrid had learned the truth this way, he would probably never see her again, she might already have left. But Carina just gave him a strange look and then shook her head.

"No, I didn't tell her." She paused, considering, and then continued, her voice now thick with emotions. "I'm sorry, Hic. I shouldn’t have tried to blackmail you, that was stupid. I was desperate, but that's no excuse. I–" She sniffed, a first tear running down her cheek. "You're right, I should have told you, if not back then, then at least now. I'm sorry! I-I just wanted to make sure Lissy will be well cared for. I thought that, if she had that money, it would be easier for her. But I simply should have told you. You two will take care of her, won't you? I didn't want to ruin your life, but… but now–"

"Wa-wait. What?" Hiccup stared at her, disbelievingly. "What are you talking about? Take care of her? What about you? And what do you mean with _you were desperate_? Why did you come up with all that now all of a sudden anyway? I mean…" He shook his head, uncomprehendingly. That had been another point on his list of questions after all. And what had she meant…

She gave him a flat look and then shook her head with humorless laughter. "Oh, Hic… So smart and yet as so often too focused to see. But you've read the letter, I've seen you do it." She paused, eyes fixed on him, waiting. So he tried to think, to understand what she meant. A letter… which letter? The one she'd sent him? But how could she have _seen_ him read it? No, that– 

He jerked his head around, toward the small table. On it stood still Lissy's backpack and next to it lay the once-crumpled letter. The one that hadn't made much sense, had been so vague, unless… 

His mind went utterly blank as he reached for the paper again, any emotion sealed away for now as he read the letter again. Read and _understood_!

_Dear Ms Carina Johnson._

_I am sorry to inform you that the latest test results have been positive as well. There is no room left for speculations. I am very sorry! I had so hoped for it to be otherwise._

_If I am informed correctly, you already talked about this possibility with the therapists as well as about your options. If you have additional questions or if there are things you need help with, please, feel free to contact me._

_And I mentioned this before, but please, in your own interest, keep it in mind! Two weeks, approximately…_

_Kind regards_

_Dr Benjamin F. Pierce_

The letter slipped out of Hiccup's numb hands and onto the table where it lay still. He looked up at her again, hoping to be wrong, hoping to err. He hoped she would come up with another explanation, would surprise him one more time today. But she just looked at him, had watched him read and now nodded with a small, sad smile.

"I'm dying, Hiccup," Carina stated soberly. "It started years ago already, but all the time I thought I would make it. I _had_ to make it! I was so sure…" She paused, a single tear escaping her eye. "But I didn't… You've read what Dr P. wrote. Two weeks… Those are almost over. Every day I keep breathing is a miracle. All I had left to do was making sure Lissy would be cared for. That's why I needed the money, so she wouldn't have to worry about her future. But as I said, it was stupid." She looked at him more intently. "You will take care of her, won't you? She's special! She…. _She's everything!_ " Her voice broke with those last two words, and Hiccup swallowed. He understood too well what she meant.

"I will!" he vowed. He might have lost _his_ everything already, but it was just like he'd already thought earlier. There was someone else now who needed him, _really_ needed him, and for her, he would have to keep going, no matter what.

**. o O o .**

Quietly, Hiccup closed the door to Carina's room behind him. She’d asked him to leave, to go and let her be alone. It was a wish he could hardly deny her, and even though he felt horrible for it, he was just all too glad to leave. There had been nothing left to do anyway, nothing left to say.

She was right, he would never have loved her. Maybe, if Astrid actually would have rejected him, maybe then his heart would have been able to heal and go on at some point. But even with their strange _friends with benefits_ relationship, he'd never felt romantic in any way about Carina. While she’d cared enough for him to let him go…

With a strangled sob, he slumped down into a nearby chair and buried his face in his hands. _‘sex just for fun without any expectations or broken promises can be okay…’_ Those words kept echoing through his head, making him groan. It had been fun, he'd never made any promises, and she hadn't expected anything from him. And yet, retrospectively, it hadn't been okay. Because she _had_ hoped and he _had_ broken her heart… It was only fair that all that was left to do now was to break his heart as well.

He took a deep breath, gathered his remaining strength, and stood up – and looked into a pair of scrutinizing green eyes. Harsh laughter escaped him, humourless and sarcastic. The Gods really liked to torment him, didn’t they?

"For how long are you waiting here already?" he asked, and Heather shrugged.

"For half an hour maybe?" Her voice sounded detached but her concerned expression contradicted that. "I didn't want to barge in on you there, but I thought you would want to have this as soon as possible." She held up an undescribed envelope.

Hiccup stared at it and another strangled snort threatened to bubble up inside him. Oh, how he had waited for this, had been sure the test results would appease him, would prove that Carina's story had been just a lie. But he didn’t doubt her, not anymore, didn't question a single word she'd told him just now. Because it all made sense now… It made sense and he'd been an _idiot._

"Thanks," he murmured, reaching for the offered letter nonetheless. "For all your efforts." He turned the letter around and noticed to his surprise that it was soundly sealed.

"I haven't looked at it," Heather explained. "And I don't care, really. Just talk to Astrid now, will you?"

Hiccup gulped and nodded. There was no use in delaying it further anyway.

"Then let's go. I'll drive you home."

**. o O o .**

Hiccup got off Heather's car, thanked her once again, and waved after her as she made her way through the evening rush hour traffic. He watched until she'd disappeared behind a corner, and swallowed. The time was up.

He turned toward their apartment building, his eyes wandering reflexively up to the windows of the 3rd floor that belonged to him and Astrid. It wasn't late enough to be _night_ already, but during the afternoon, heavy rain clouds had come up and it was pretty dark already. He could see the warm light shining from their cosy living room, inviting him to come up, taunting him. Warm and cosy… if only.

He also could see the shadow of her figure behind one of the curtains. She'd been waiting for him as if she knew. Well, she’d said herself that they would need to talk tonight. She waved at him so there was no point in dawdling. She knew he was there. With a heavy heart, Hiccup entered the building and went upstairs.

The time was up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, they're gone talk. Promise!


	13. 12 – The Secrets I Keep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with the prequel, this story, too, was inspired by a song. The song was _'Cross That Line'_ by Joshua Radin, but since one of my best friends had writte a fic called ‘Crossing the line’ shortly before, I chose another title for this story. But I'm going to say more about that song at the end of this chapter.
> 
> Shortly after I started writing this story, I stumbled across another song that accompanied me throughout all the months of writing. It was _'Undone'_ by FFH ( You! I know you're grinning, stop it ;P) and it was like it knew what was on my head, knew where I was going with this story. Here's a part of the first verse:
> 
> _The secrets I keep are tearing me up inside_  
>  I try to hide them, and I wonder why  
> I wonder why I'm still running  
> When I know there's no escaping 
> 
> Do you see why it caught my attention? ;)

** Lissy **

Dear Diary

And here I am, writing to you again only one day after my last entry. I'm sorry to tell you though that you’re only my second choice. I'd rather draw today to clear my head, but I forgot my pencils and sketchbook at the hospital so you’ll have to do.

But I'm not good with words… Not in a situation like this, where I feel… I don't know _how_ I feel. I think I should be sad. I should be miserable and crying, but… actually, I'm relieved _,_ even _glad_. This is so weird... I shouldn't be glad, I'm pretty sure of that, but I am. And I’m frightened, I think… That's reasonable, isn't it? Yeah… I'm glad and I'm frightened.

You probably wonder why… Well, you see… Mom woke up today and we visited her, Astrid and I. And… she told me. Finally! Right before we left, mom asked Astrid and Margaret to leave us alone for a minute and then she finally told me of her sickness and that she won't be around for much longer. You know that I already knew that for a while now. And, well, yes, the thought of her not being here anymore makes me sad. But I'm also relieved that she finally told me and doesn't have to worry anymore. She worried so much already and I hope it will be easier for her now.

I asked her then. That question that she'd never wanted to answer. Because, if she's not there anymore then… well, maybe, _I_ can… *sigh* 

I asked her about my father. Maybe I shouldn't have done that because it made her cry, but I still want to _know._ She didn't tell me who he was, but she promised to do so tomorrow if I still wanted to know. But why wouldn't I? Grown-ups are strange. This is part of what frightens me by the way. Or maybe that's the wrong word. I'm nervous. What is she going to tell me? Who is my father, what happened to him, and why wouldn’t she tell me today? What could change until tomorrow? Ah, well, I'll see, I guess…

Mom asked me to come and visit her again tomorrow and bring Astrid again and, if possible, Hiccup, too. I guess they have other grown-up stuff to talk about. Maybe she'll ask them whether I could stay with them. I'd like that. I asked mom whether I could stay with them but she said that wouldn't be her decision. But I really hope I can stay here! I like Astrid and Hiccup, too. I hope mom will be able to convince them.

**. o O o .**

Lissy laid the pen she'd borrowed from Astrid aside, and read again what she'd written just now. Somehow, that always helped her to sort through her thoughts when they were a jumbled mess like today. 

She _had_ known that her mom would die for quite some time now. And she’d been sad, devastated, desperate, had cried secretly in her bed. Her mom had always been there for her; how would a life _without_ her even be possible? But Lissy had put in a lot of effort to not let her mom notice. Instead, she'd tried to think it through, what it would mean, how could go on.

The first thing on her list was that she’d planned to find out more about her father, if that was possible. She wanted to look for him if he was still alive, wanted to know what had happened, why he wasn't with them. And, _maybe_ , if those answers were satisfying and circumstances would allow it, maybe she could stay with him. That had to be better than staying with some random foster parents, complete strangers who only took care of her for the money, right?

But now, she wasn’t so sure anymore whether she really wanted to do that. Maybe she would just accept that her biological father wasn’t a part of her life. Maybe she could just stay here instead. Sure, it had only been two days, but those had been good. 

Lissy wrapped her arms around herself to chase away the feeling of being lost. There had only ever been her mom for her. No one else had _cared_ for her. Until two days ago. Astrid cared. And Hiccup too, she was sure of that – even though he seemed to have a hard time showing it. He certainly cared more than most others who’d watched over her every now and then. Lissy wanted to stay with Astrid and Hiccup, really, _really_ wanted to stay.

But maybe it was too much to ask for from her mom to convince them. She didn't even _know_ them. No, just because this too might be grown-up stuff, it didn't mean that her mom was the only one who could talk to them. Lissy was no little girl anymore after all; she was almost _ten!_ And Astrid had been kind and friendly to her, had listened to what she'd said. There was no need to roll this off on somebody else. She would simply go and ask Astrid herself. Right now!

Lissy stood up and quietly left the room. Sometimes, it was a bit eerie to be in this rather big but strangely empty apartment all on her own – empty on this side, at least. The main room on this side, the formal dining room, was completely dark, the dim light from the living room on the other side barely reaching this room through the open kitchen. Luckily it was a neat room so she wasn't in any danger to run into some furniture.

After a few steps, she spotted Astrid through the opening, standing by one of the windows and with a steaming cup in her hand. She looked pensive, her free arm wrapped around herself, her gaze directed outwards through the curtains. Lissy paused for a moment, suddenly unsure whether she really should approach her. There was something in the way the woman stood there, still and lost in thoughts… Lissy made two more hesitant steps, but stopped again when she heard a voice.

"Astrid…?" Lissy's head jerked around and toward the source of that voice, just as Astrid turned toward Hiccup as well. Lissy couldn't see him yet, still hidden behind the dividing wall, but there had been something in the way he'd said her name that made her pause. Having them both here at once was an even better option if she wanted to ask them whether she could stay, but… 

But the way he’d sounded and Astrid looked right now... No, this was not the right moment to talk to them, Lissy decided. First, they had to talk to each other. She didn't know what it was that bothered them, but there surely had been _something_! Something that had made Astrid anxious and tense all day, and Hiccup hadn't been any better. Yes, it was better if those two first sorted out their own problems before she came with her request. She only hoped that the two wouldn’t fight for real – for all their sakes.

Lissy turned to return to her room, planning to ask them later, during dinner maybe or tomorrow at the latest. By now, Hiccup had come into view and they were talking softly; she'd best not interrupt. Quietly, she sneaked back, glad for the darkness on this side of the apartment so they wouldn't be able to see her – when she heard it. She stopped dead and curiously turned her head back toward the living room. 

She'd heard her name! 

Were Astrid and Hiccup talking about her? For a moment, she bargained with herself, but then sneaked back to hide behind the dividing wall. Maybe she wouldn't need to even ask them when they were already talking about her.

The girl sat silently in the shadows, unseen, and listened. Her hand wandered to her mouth to keep any traitorous sound inside as her eyes grew wider and wider. And although she couldn't hear every word of the partially whispered conversation, she still heard enough.

**. o O o .**

** Hiccup **

Hiccup stood in front of their apartment door, forehead leaning against the cool metal. _Just a moment,_ he told himself. _Just one last reprieve_. Astrid was waiting for him and she needed to hear the truth. She'd wanted to talk, probably tell him what bedevilled her, but maybe she'd also felt that it was time for him to confess. No more secrets, no more hiding and running. The time was up…

He tried to pull himself together and it felt like a trance, unreal, as he casually opened the door, took off his shoes and jacket, grabbed the envelope Heather had given him, and left the small entrance room. 

He spotted her immediately, standing by the window where he'd seen her from below. She was so beautiful, the dim light making her hair, which fell around her frame in soft waves, glow like liquid gold. He wanted to go to her, take her in his arms and hold her, but he felt like he had no right to do so anymore. She was everything to him, had always been everything he'd ever wanted. But like so many times before already, his stupidity would tear her away from him. Only such a short time was left for them. After sundown, she would be gone… If only… If only he hadn't been so _stupid_. But it was too late now. He couldn't change what he'd done, couldn't change the past. All he could do now was trying to deal with the aftermath of being so utterly stupid. He took a last deep breath. The time was up…

"Astrid...?" he said carefully. She seemed completely lost in thoughts and he didn't want to startle her, but apparently, she'd already known that he was standing there. Slowly, she turned toward him and gave him a small smile. _She’d cried!_ Even though there were no tears now anymore, he noticed that her face was swollen, her eyes glassy. What was it that haunted her? He wished he could help her, but it was more likely that she would only cry more after he'd talked to her…

"Hey, Hiccup," she replied in a small voice and with a nod beckoned him to come closer. 

He did so but only a little and desperately tried to find the right words. But just like before, they eluded him. There were no right words, no right way to tell her of all the things he'd done wrong. She seemed to see his struggling and although she wasn't at ease with this situation either still seemed to want to help him. For now…

"What strange and chaotic days," she mused, fiddling with the cup in her hands and without really looking at him. But even though she couldn’t see him, he nodded, gulping. Hel, yes, strange and chaotic indeed! "So… how was..." she continued after a short pause but trailed off again without finishing her sentence, biting her lip. 

"We need to talk!" 

The words burst out of Hiccup before he even realized his mouth was moving. He had to get this over with, couldn’t stand watching her struggle any longer.

Astrid looked at him thoughtfully, something like an almost amused grimace crossing her face for a moment. Of course, those hadn't been the most clever words to say But she only nodded, and said, "You first…"

Right… He had to talk first. It wouldn't be right to comfort her with whatever was haunting her when his secret would hurt her even more and surely chase her away afterwards. He stepped closer to her and tried, again, to find the words – any words! – in his head. He felt dizzy and it seemed as if they'd all deserted him. There simply were no words left inside his head, none at all. His eyes wandered through the room, over her face and her figure, searching, looking for anything to say.

"What are you drinking?" he asked, puzzled as his gaze landed on the cup in her hand, distracted by the unusual sight. He'd assumed it would be coffee but it very obviously was not. The liquid was clear like water but dyed a yellowish-green and almost looked like–

"It’s herbal tea," Astrid answered, confirming his assumption. A blush tinted her cheeks pink and she bent her head to blow on the steaming liquid, effectively hiding her face from his view.

Hiccup frowned in confusion, all too glad to let himself get distracted. "Since… since when are you drinking tea? Since when do we _have_ tea?"

"Since today" she answered both his questions. "I just thought that… well, that I maybe could reduce my caffeine consumption a bit." She shrugged in an attempt to appear unperturbed, chuckling weakly. But he saw right through her, knew her well, knew there was more to it.

"But–" he tried, but instantly got interrupted by her.

"Is that what you wanted to talk about?" She gave him a meaningful glance and he bit his lip. Of course, it wasn't! But at least the atmosphere wasn't as tense anymore as it had been a minute ago.

He swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment. _Focus!_ His hand closed around the envelope it still held, crumbling the paper. "No, it's not. I…" he looked at her again and he tried to memorise the image in his head. How she looked so soft as she took a careful sip from her cup and without hatred in her eyes.  "I need to tell you something,” he eventually whispered, voice low but firm. No more delaying. “It's about Lissy. I… She's…"

"She's your daughter. I know…"

Hiccup gasped, eyes wide in shock as the room started to spin around him and all he could do was stare at her. She knew? But how? Since when? And if she knew, how was it possible that she was still here, still talking to him, still so calm? He watched her, stunned as she took another bigger sip of her tea, effectively avoiding to look at him. "But… but how," he stammered. "You… you _can't_ know. I…" Helplessly, he lifted his hand with the crumbled paper in it. How could she know?

She grimaced, glancing up from her cup and at the envelope instead, finally acknowledging its existence. "Is that a paternity test? So that's why Heather knew…" She shook her head with a small almost-smile. "Oh, Hiccup…"

"I-I don't understand. Did… did Carina tell you after all?" She said she didn’t, but– 

Astrid shook her head again. "No, she didn't. She didn't need to."

"But how can you know?" he asked again, his voice close to breaking. "And since when? I mean…" Disbelievingly, he shook his head. It was possible that Heather had called her after she’d dropped him and before he’d made it upstairs, or even Carina had – but both options were completely _absurd_. Why would they? And Astrid seemed to have known for a while anyway or she would have been much more distraught now.

"I knew right from the beginning, I guess…" She closed her eyes, a pained expression on her face. "Since I first saw her."

Hiccup could still do little more than stare. "But… how…?" he gasped. How could she have _known_ , for Thor's sake?

"Hiccup…" She sighed and finally raised her eyes to look at him. She stepped closer toward him and lifted a shaky hand to lay it on his cheek. In her eyes, he saw a whole world of anguish and pain but also something warm he hadn't expected to see ever again in her eyes. He saw her love. "There's nothing in this world that I know as well as I know your face,” she murmured. “And Lissy… she has so much of that. Your mouth and nose. She even has your and Valka's eyes, the shape of yours and her _wisdom_ in them, except the colour though." She took a hiccupy breath and her eyes were gleaming, filling with tears. "When I saw her there on that field, the strands partially covering her face dyed brown by blood, eyes closed, and her face contorted in pain… For a moment I thought it was _you!_ The impression was so strong, overwhelming. It reminded me so much of how you looked after Eret attacked you." She leaned against him, her head resting against his chest as the memory of those events caught up with her again.

Still too stunned to process what was happening, Hiccup laid his arms around her shoulders reflexively, soothingly caressing her back. She knew and she didn't hate him. But how… and why… "Why didn't you say anything?" he asked in a whisper. Dammit, these days could have been so much easier…

At first, Astrid didn't answer but he felt her arms around his waist, pulling him closer. She was trembling in his arms and it took her a couple of minutes to calm down enough to talk again. "I guess I didn't _want_ it to be true,” she mumbled. “After that first moment, I pushed the thought away, smothered it. I didn't want to think about it, what it would mean…" She sobbed into his shirt. "I was _afraid_. Afraid I would lose you. Carina… She's the one you told me about, isn't she? Your _friend_? From what you told me… and Lissy's age fits, too…" She paused, voice breaking, and all Hiccup could do was nod against her head, gulping. "I thought… _feared_ that you would do what's right. You always do… I feared you would leave me to stay with them, maybe marry her… and I didn't want that to be true!" She pulled him even closer, and finally, he understood. Her demons had been the same as his.

He pulled her over to the couch and sat down, with her sitting sideways on his lap. She instantly buried her face against his shoulder, her hands clutching at his shirt. For a while, neither of them said a word and Hiccup used the break to get some order into his thoughts. A part of him registered how much in pieces Astrid was, trembling and crying, and wondered. It wasn't like her to break down like this. But then, these last days must have been hard for her, too. Yeah, that had to be it. Another part wondered about how she didn't seem to mind Lissy's existence at all, wasn’t really angry or upset about this. But that question had to wait just a tiny bit longer. First, he needed to explain himself.

"I… wouldn't have left you," he finally whispered, his voice too weak for more. "I could never do that! I… I thought a lot about what to do if... but…" Now, he was the one pulling her closer. "It wouldn't have been right, wouldn't have worked." He paused, hesitating. But he _needed_ to ask, needed to know. It was the one crucial point, the one question that was still tormenting him. "Aren't you angry? Don't you mind tha-that I already… have a daughter?" His voice broke as she tensed in his arms. Maybe it had been the wrong question, but it was the most important right now. Lissy would be a part of his life from now on, there was no way around it.

"Angry?" She asked, slowly shaking her head. "The idea of you with another woman, of choosing her over me… it’s been killing me. And I definitely don’t _enjoy_ picturing you with her. But it's all been in the past. We’ve been no couple, weren’t even in contact, and it happened. There's no harm in that. I also can't say that I exactly _like_ the idea of you having a child with one of the girls you’ve been back then. But…" She sighed, and Hiccup felt her relax in his arms – and it wasn’t just weakly slumping against him. No, a great deal of her tension was leaving for real, making her lean against him more comfortably. "But Lissy is great,” she eventually sighed. “This is not about the abstract idea of you having a child with another woman. It's about _her._ So, no, I'm not angry. How could I? After all, you neither planned for this nor did you know about it, right?"

Hiccup’s breath caught in his throat, overwhelmed by Astrid’s words. Gods, she was incredible! He wanted to kiss her, to hold her, and to never let her go. How was it possible that he of all people was so lucky to have her? “No, I didn’t,” he confirmed, drawing her closer again to place a soft kiss on her hair before he told her what Carina had earlier told him. That she, too, hadn't planned for this, how and why she hadn't told him about their daughter until now, and, most importantly, why she'd suddenly reappeared in his life. He didn't mention the blackmail attempt, didn’t feel like that was important right now. Maybe he would tell that story someday, maybe it would become a funny anecdote, but now, it just didn’t matter. He understood why Carina had chosen that path – effectively to spare _him_ any discomfort from this – and was oddly grateful for her thoughtfulness, even as it certainly hadn’t been the best way. While he spoke, Astrid became very quiet and only after he'd finished he noticed the tears that ran freely down her cheeks now, noticed how soaked his shirt was.

"Hey," he tried to distract her in a shaky voice, nudging her with his nose. "What now?" His efforts only seem to make it worse though. Really, what was _up_ with her? She usually wasn't one for much crying.

"I'm _despicable_ ," she whispered in between two sobs and clung to him more desperately. "I-I'm sorry, I… I thought myself horrendous already, but now… After you told me all that about her, I…" She broke off again, sobbing, and he opted to soothingly rub her back and shoulders. It took her a few minutes to calm down and even then she stayed quiet, not opening her eyes, not looking at him.

"Astrid?" he asked carefully, but she just vigorously shook her head. "Astrid, please! Whatever it is, tell me," he pleaded, a little anxious now. They'd been through too much for her to keep something from him now if it tormented her that much.

"For a moment…" she finally whispered quietly, almost inaudible, "when Dr C told me about… I was so _glad._ Before it really kicked in what he'd said, I was just so _relieved!_ That she wouldn't be able to take you from me, that I could keep you, that..." She broke off again as a shudder ran through her. "I'm horrible! She'll _die_ and I was _glad_ about it. I…" 

Before she could mutter out another word, Hiccup drew her head up and silenced her with a soft kiss. For a heartbeat, she fought against him but then gave in, whimpering against his lips and turning all limp in his arms, before he pulled back again and leaned his forehead against hers.

"Don't go there…" he whispered urgently. "Just… don't!" He knew what she meant. He’d felt it too, just for the tiniest fraction of a second, just a teeny spark amidst all the chaos that was this day, but it had been there. He so dearly wished for his former friend to live, for Lissy to keep her mother. And yet he couldn't deny that… that things would be easier now. There were no choices anymore, only inevitable facts to deal with.

Right… Hiccup grimaced as another one of those _facts_ sank in. Because the last time he'd mentioned this, Astrid's reaction had been distinct. She hadn't wanted this, but now, he had no choice anymore…

"I'm Lissy's father…" He stated soberly. "I… have to take care of her now. It’s partially her decision, but if she's alright with that, she's going to stay here. Do you think, you… can cope with that?"

"Whether I…?" Astrid made a strange noise, something between a sob, a gasp, a snort, and laughter. "Of course! I… I just don't know– Can or… or _should_ we adopt her? Or rather, I… Are you registered as her father? And–" Again, he silenced her with a kiss, but this time, it was a much more passionate one, deep and full of love.

"You’re _incredible!"_ He finally gasped against her lips, making her smile. "But let's deal with the formalities tomorrow, alright? We can take a day off, talk about it with Lissy and… and with Carina, I guess…" He trailed off as his former concern popped up in his mind again. "But are you really okay with this? I mean, you made it clear what you thought about… about being a mom and all. Are you sure about this? Lissy will change your entire life!"

Astrid bit her lip and averted her face, but he saw a fierce blush spreading over her features and also the almost guilty expression that crossed her face. He wanted to inquire after what was bothering her, but before he could say anything, she took a deep breath and said, "Well, I guess you're right. The girls are going to change our life quite thoroughly…"

Relieved by her acceptance, Hiccup was about to nod when her words fully sank in, making him blink. "Girls?" he asked, frowning in confusion. What did she mean by– 

"Well, I don't _know_ yet, but…" she interrupted his thoughts. She hesitated and then, with a shaky breath, took his hand and placed it on her stomach. "I think of her as a girl already." Almost shyly, she peeked up at him, smiling self-consciously and eyes gleaming.

For a seemingly endless moment, all Hiccup could do was stare at her, stunned as his eyes grew wider and wider. Then he pulled her close again, almost crushing her against his chest, and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her with all the accumulated emotions inside him. Disbelieve, relief, worry, happiness, fear, and utter joy blending in on one another in a whirlwind of emotions, making him dizzy until he laughed helplessly against her lips, her neck, into her hair. "Are you serious?" he finally asked, gasping, and she chuckled.

"As if I would joke about something like this…" she replied, teasingly despite the light tremble in her voice, and leaned in to kiss him again, slower and chaste, sweet. It made him lightheaded and he gave up thinking about anything. This evening had taken a path he'd never, _never_ would have been able to anticipate. He hadn't even dared to hope for an outcome like this, where he wouldn't only be not completely miserable but would be happier than he could ever have hoped for. When their lips parted again, he pulled her into a light embrace and whispered 'I love you' into her hair, again and again. It wasn't possible to say it often enough, not now, not today. Not ever.

When he opened his eyes for a moment though, he caught a movement out of the corner of his eye, a shadow moving in front of darker shadows. He perked his head up and saw Lissy stepping out of the darkness of the other room into the faint light around them. For a moment, he was worried about how much she had heard. There surely would have been better ways to tell her about… well… about _everything_. But she wasn't shocked or scared or anything. She had a bright grin on her face as she slowly stepped closer, eyes gleaming brightly.

"So, I'm getting a sister?"

**. o O o .**

** Astrid **

Astrid stood at the window again and gazed out into the night, another cup of tea in her hand. She took a sip and grimaced at the unfamiliar taste. Not that it was a _bad_ one; she just wasn't used to it. Yet…

Lissy had retreated into her room after dinner, very glad to have her backpack with her drawing utensils back, and Hiccup was cleaning up the remains of their meal. It was strange how very normal it all felt, how ordinary this day was ending. There had been so much chaos and so many conflicted emotions during the last three days, but now, it was all gone. Just like that. She shook her head to herself, barely able to wrap her head around it all.

Dinner had started strange, though. Sitting together around the low table in the living room after all those revelations before… It had been a very awkward event, for everyone. Hiccup might have already known who Lissy was during the last days but he'd never acted like it before, and for Lissy, it must have been even worse to suddenly deal with her dad. They all had kept their secrets during the last days, had played their roles in a way, even Lissy. She had known that her mother would die and that ' _staying with them until her mother would be able to leave the hospital again'_ had meant something entirely different for her.

It felt _good_ to not keep secrets anymore. Very carefully and very hesitantly, they all had brought things up, had commented on the similarities between Hiccup and Lissy, how she, too, had inherited Valka's sharp mind and Hiccup's clever hands. Playfully, they'd begun to plan how to rearrange the rooms and Lissy had stated that she wanted her little sister to live in her room so that she could take care of her. It had made Astrid smile even though surely things wouldn’t always be that easy.

Of course, there were still obstacles, Carina, all legal questions, and the general uncertainties of the future. But for now, it simply really was _that easy_. She hummed as out of nowhere two lithe arms wound their way around her waist and leaned back against Hiccup's warm chest with a smile. He placed a light kiss on her neck, exhaling softly against her skin and then swallowed.

"Tea…" he mused. "I should have known then immediately. There's no way you would voluntarily abstain from coffee without a very good reason!"

"The _best_ reason," she whispered, and placed her hands over his on her stomach. "And not just coffee…" she added with a small grimace. "No sushi either."

She felt his lips twitch on her skin. "Sushi or _sushi_?" he asked with an insinuating tone in his voice, and she lightly jerked her arm back to punch him with her elbow.

"I'm speaking of raw fish!" she specified, laughing.

"Thank the Gods!" he chuckled. "Not sure I could endure nine months without…" She groaned and shook her head in fake exasperation, which only made him chuckle louder. A heartbeat later, he again turned serious though; the change of atmosphere was almost tangible in the air around them. "Is that why you hurried through the wedding preparations like that?" he finally asked.

The calm tone of his voice made it hard to guess his thoughts behind that question.  Astrid bit her lip, hesitated, and then nodded, but only to shake her head directly. "Yes, and no," she specified. "I want to be married to you as soon as possible because I want to be your wife, I want us to belong together in every possible way. But…" she paused and felt the blood rising into her cheeks. "But I also don't want one of these weddings that apparently only happen because _he_ happened to knock _her_ up. So I'd like to marry you before the bump gets visible." She shrugged self-consciously. "We only need to find a location."

Hiccup was quiet for a while, his fingers absentmindedly caressing her belly before he said, "Let's wait." He loosened his grip around her when she moved, turned toward him to look at him. He had a guarded expression on his face but his eyes were locked on hers.

"But–" she said but he shook his head, interrupting her.

"If possible, I'd marry you right here, right now,” he emphasised. “But no matter how fast you can finish the preparations, in a few months, everyone will say we married because _I knocked you up_. And you're right, I don't want that either." He looked at her for a moment, intently, and in moments like these, it was so easy to forget everything else, to lose herself in his eyes. "I don't want to be married as a justification for having a child with you. I don't care for _born out of wedlock_. She… or he… is a love child, in the literal sense of that phrase, and that's all that matters." He paused again, his eyes growing softer. "Let's wait until after the baby is born, a year, maybe more. Let's wait and let our wedding be solely the symbol of our love and not something custom compels us to do."

_Stupid hormones!_ Astrid thought as her eyes began to fill with tears again. She wasn't sad or hurt, dammit! "Alright," she whispered, her voice too weak for more. Her heart was swelling and overflowing with the love she felt for him, for this man who was so prone to being stupid occasionally. She stretched to place her lips on his, to kiss him and relay all the love she felt for him through it. It barely helped though, because for every bit of love she gave him, he poured the same amount right back into her.

"The sun is down…" Hiccup mused a while later when they gazed out of the window again, his arms back around her waist, hands over her stomach. Astrid nodded, not knowing what to say to that, really. "I thought you'd be gone by now…" He explained and drew her tighter against him again. But Astrid just chuckled.

"You won't get rid of me. Ever!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there’s this story finished. We’re not completely done though; there are two more epilogues that I, personally, like very much. Without them, this story doesn’t feel _complete._
> 
> But I wanted to write something about _'Cross that line'_ and how this story came to life. When I heard that song, a certain scene appeared in my mind. A scene of Hiccup confessing something to Astrid, something even worse than everything else they'd been through, something that surely would make her leave him for good. And yet she doesn't. This scene stuck in my head and by now you know how it played out in the end. I'm sorry you, me, and the characters had to live through so much angst on the way, but I hope it wasn't too bad… 
> 
> And for the other song, _'Undone'_... Here's part of the second verse:
> 
> _It's true what they say, love must be blind_  
>  It's why You're still standing by this sinner's side  
> You're still by my side  
> When all the things I've done have left You bleeding 
> 
> Can you see why it captivated me like that? :D


	14. Epilogue 1: How To Train Your Dragon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this took _way_ longer than planned... In my defence, my daughter was born two weeks ago, a little earlier than planned, but we're both doing very well. :)   
> Here now the first of the two epilogues for this story. I like this one very much and hope you enjoy it, too. :)

** Lissy **

Dear Diary

Let me guess, you didn’t expect me to write to you this soon after the last entry, have you? Well, I didn't expect to write to you today again either. But I’ve _got_ to tell you something. I know I wanted to draw and Hiccup brought my backpack from the hospital, so I even _can_ draw again. But right now, my mind is too full of thoughts and I need to get rid of those first.

You see… I overheard Astrid and Hiccup talking earlier. And the things I've learned… I still can hardly _believe_ it. Maybe I should start simple… tell you just _what_ I heard and deal with what it means later.

Hiccup is my father. My real _biological_ father! Not just some man who took me in or something, no. He knew mom back then when they were in college. And I always thought my father had left her or something but... Apparently, it's more like the other way around. She kicked him out and never told him about me.

…

I often thought I'd be angry at my father for not being with us all these years. But I believe what he said. He didn't even know I existed. That's so _typical_ of mom. Always taking a back seat, always cutting down her own goals for others to reach theirs. No, I don't doubt a single word he said about this. But I also don’t know how to feel right now, I really really don't.

One thing’s for sure though. It means that I can stay. You know, I wanted to go and ask them myself whether I can stay with them after mom's gone. And then I heard them talking. About Hiccup being my father and about mom, too. Astrid cried and for a while, I did as well. I don't always get what happens inside the heads of grown-ups but… Well, I feared Astrid wouldn't want me to be around anymore after this revelation. That would have been logical, wouldn't it? Because… I've seen them together, Astrid and Hiccup, and they seem to belong to each other. You know that all these days, I wanted them to sort their things out. It's not like they were fighting or arguing or anything, but their behaviour seemed so wrong. And even logically knowing, I really can't see them not being together. But here I am and for that brief moment, it seemed so logical that Astrid wouldn't want to constantly be reminded of the fact that he had been with mom, too.

I didn't hear what they were talking about. But when Astrid started to cry, I thought she was going to ask him to send me away. Because, as much as I would like to be, I'm not a part of their life. Well, not yet I should say... Because I was wrong. She doesn’t want to send me away, she wants to _adopt_ me. Like… as if she'd become my mother!

I mean… she'll never be _mom_. But during all these months since I learned about her sickness… All this time, I thought I'd be alone after she's gone. That I would end up with some random foster parents until I'm old enough to care for myself. I was trying to get prepared for being all alone and fighting for myself. 

But now… now, I'm going to have a father and a mother, a _family_! And Astrid is pregnant so I might even get a _sister_. And I mean not just another child that ended up in the same family, not another one of these mistrusting kids that would never warm up to anyone. A real baby sister!

…

A few days ago, I was so hopeless. I saw how mom got worse every day and I was so afraid of how I should go on afterwards. But now... Now there's a future I can look forward to! Not just years to somehow survive, and I'm so happy! I'm not sure I can wrap my head around it all yet, but I'm happy. And I hope mom will be, too. I know she was worried about me, too. And I hope she can let go now.

**. o O o .**

Dear Diary

I don't have much time to write to you today, it's so late already. Today, I spent all day with Hiccup. We went to visit mom, just like every day lately, and he let me watch him work again. He even explained how this tablet of his works and how one can build a virtual construct with it. It was _awesome!_ I really think I want to do something like this later, too!

Astrid was busy today. She finally went to see a gynaecologist, you know, to confirm that she really is pregnant and that everything's alright so far. And, apparently, it is. So I'm really going to get a sister. Or a brother, as Astrid keeps reminding me… I'm not sure which one I'd prefer, but I _feel_ like I’m going to get a sister. Does that make sense?

It was a bit weird when she came back, but I guess I'll just never understand grown-ups… Astrid was grinning and beaming and almost squealing, even though the gynaecologist only confirmed what she already knew anyway, right? I mean… She and Hiccup really are cute… in a way… She practically jumped into his arms and I guess she whispered something into his ears, because a moment later he, too, began to grin and lifted her up to whirl her around inside his office. I mean, that room isn't all that small but I still think it's too small for behaviour like this…

Anyway, we went to Carlo's to _celebrate_ tonight, whatever they meant by that, and Carlo promised me he would let me watch or even teach me how to make pizza. Another time though, today he was too busy. But he promised to do so when his restaurant wouldn't be so crowded one day.

**. o O o .**

Dear Diary

Today was mom's funeral…

She's really gone now, isn't she? I will never see her again. I feel… strange… empty. I knew it was going to happen and I'm glad she's not in pain anymore. But I miss her. And I will never forget her… I don't have to, right? Just because I'm going to have a new mom? My mom will always be my mom…

Astrid said I don't need to call her mom if I don't want to. Legally, she'll be my mother after all this paperwork is done. I'm not sure about the rest though. I really like her but she's not my mommy. And Hiccup… It's the same, I guess. I've tried to call him dad a few times but it feels strange, to both of us I guess from his reaction. Maybe we'll get used to it over time. We'll see, I guess.

…

The funeral though… it was… _strange._

It was a quiet occasion somehow. Hiccup and Astrid were there of course and Heather and Fishlegs, too. And Dr Pierce which was a nice surprise. He helped mom and me so much over the last years. And it was nice to see that someone from our life cared enough to come. In a way I'm glad it wasn't too crowded though. Mom wouldn't have liked that anyway. But still…

Astrid had asked me whether there was anyone they should inform, but I really don't know that there is anyone else. She asked me about mom's parents, any family, but there is none. Mom always said that… that she had no family but me. Only once, she’d added: "Not anymore." You may remember, I tried to find out then. About our family…

Mom's parents live. In another town, quite some distance away, but they live. When she'd said this _Not anymore_ I thought that they would be dead, but they are not. They just didn't want anything to do with her anymore. Not after she came home with me… When I told Astrid that, she got angry. And then she became thoughtful and troubled and I don't know why, really. I think she told Hiccup and he, too, became thoughtful and troubled. But then, I might be wrong…

Dr Pierce, though… He was surprised to see Hiccup. They seem to know each other somehow and Heather and Fishlegs, too. I think it surprised him when Hiccup told him I'm his daughter. They talked some more after that but, to be honest, I didn't really care.

It really was a strange day…

And I’m so tired now.

**. o O o .**

Dear Diary

Phew! Times goes by they say, right? It really does! How long is it since… since I'm here? Is it really three months already?

This new life still feels strange to me, but it also becomes more normal with every day. Hiccup enrolled me in school here. It's a rather fancy one, not what I'm used to. But they have very interesting chores and clubs. I like it there. The teachers are friendly and the other kids… Well, they are alright, I guess. Very different from the kids in my old school and friendlier too, I'd say.

But they are giving me the same strange looks when I answer one of the teacher's questions. And… Well, there _is_ something else, too. I can't put a finger on it but… I don't know… Some of the parents give me curious glances as well, and the other day, there was this woman. She said she was a reporter and just wanted to talk to me and asked whether her partner could take a picture of me. I'm not sure what to make of that and then Mr Dycan, my math teacher, came and send them away anyway, but still…

I told Astrid about it and she became furious, I'm not sure why. She said she would take care of that but I can't say I know what she meant by that. Later, I heard her and Hiccup talking. She was still angry and I think he was, too, though thankfully not at each other.

They also talked about a dragon, which made no sense to me _at all!_ They said something about talking to it. Or rather… _her?_ And about meeting her? I don't get it…

**. o O o .**

** Astrid **

With her hands in tight fists in her lap, Astrid sat in the passenger seat of Hiccup's black Porsche and stared out of the window. She was looking for the by now familiar strands of silvery blond hair among the crowd as more and more kids were streaming out of the school building in all directions. She needed to catch Lissy before she made her usual way toward the bus station.

"You really think this is a good idea?" Hiccup asked from the driver’s seat, and not for the first time. "She made very clear what she thinks of Lissy…" He sounded worried, just like he'd always done whenever this topic had come up during the last weeks, and Astrid couldn't even blame him. 

_She_ was worried, too! 

But she nodded nonetheless, looking more certain than she felt. "Well, she can't act like a prima donna _forever_ ," she emphasised, and Hiccup snorted.

"It's a bit more than just that," he mumbled.

"No, it’s not," Astrid insisted, her eyes still on the kids outside. "She's just offended that she had no say in any of this. But this is _our_ life and our decision. It wasn't any of her business, and it's about time she realises how stupid she's acting." She heard Hiccup huffing and even without turning toward him she could imagine how he looked right now, troubled and worried. It was more than just that though and she knew that. Hiccup was afraid. He was afraid of how this meeting they’d planned for tonight would turn out and how it would affect their future lives. 

Getting accustomed to living with Lissy during the last weeks had been surprisingly uncomplicated. She was easy to be around, talked to them when something bothered or troubled her, and put a lot of effort into adapting to their life. She really was special, and not just because she was Hiccup’s daughter. All in all, it was a lot easier to include her in their life than Astrid had anticipated.

There was, however, something else that she _hadn't_ anticipated.

Dealing with Valka during the last weeks had been a _nuisance_ , to put it mildly. Astrid hadn't thought of telling her about Lissy – who she was and how they had decided to take her in. It seemed like something Hiccup should talk to her about. But apparently, Hiccup hadn't told her either. And when she'd found out two weeks later, she'd been _furious_. Obviously, she didn't approve of their decision to take the girl in and Astrid could only guess why that was. Yes, Hiccup had told her about the blackmail attempt, but none of that mattered anymore. It had been nothing but the desperate and stupid act of a loving mother, and it wasn’t in Astrid to hold a grudge against Carina. Besides, none of that had anything to do with Lissy; _she_ hadn’t done anything. Blaming her for her mother's actions… well, that was just _stupid._

But whatever the reason, Valka had refused to talk to Lissy or even meet her aside from that first brief meeting in _the lair's_ training room all those weeks ago. She refused to accept her as part of their family, their life, and wanted nothing to do with the girl. It was so stupid and it had made Astrid angry, but she'd put up with it nonetheless. For the moment at least…

But it was all or nothing. As soon as the whole paperwork with the adoption was finished, Lissy would legally be their child. And she _was_ Hiccup's biological daughter, there was no point in denying that. Astrid had worked hard during the last two years to slowly mend the relationship between Hiccup and his mother, for all their sake. But now, the older woman seemed to be determined to tear down everything they had been able to build up. Because there was no middle ground, no in-between. There was no going on like they had been before and simply ignoring the girl. Valka would have to accept Lissy or lose Hiccup again, irrevocably this time. It was all up to her. And Astrid was done waiting for her to realise that.

"She just needs to get to know her," Astrid mumbled into the silence inside the car. "She just needs to see…" She shrugged, a little helpless. If only Valka would give Lissy a _chance_ , would see how amazing the girl was...Absentmindedly, she placed a hand on her stomach. It was all or nothing…

"Yeah…" Hiccup huffed again. "Let's just hope this plan won't backfire. She likes to be in control and can get a bit... _nasty_ when you take it away from her." 

Astrid bit her lip. Hiccup was right and she knew that. But Valka had turned down every attempt of either Hiccup or Astrid to even _talk_ about Lissy. And now, the gossip reporters started to be after the girl as well… Valka had already proven her capability to keep those in check, she could do it again. If only she wanted to…

When Astrid spotted Lissy leaving the building, she got out of the car to whistle once, loud, to get her attention and waved her over.

"Surprise!" she greeted her with a grin when Lissy reached the car and nodded toward the back seats. "We're going out tonight, to Carlo's. Get in or we're going to be late." Astrid winked at the girl and her confused expression instantly turned into a grin. She was just the same hopeless pizza addict they all were.

**. o O o .**

** Hiccup **

They arrived at Carlo's just in time. Only a few parking spots away, Hiccup spotted Valka's golden Range Rover and through the big windows on this side of the restaurant, he already could see a few vaguely familiar faces. So far, everything went according to plan.

With a heavy sigh, he got out of the car, his eyes falling on Astrid on the other side. She too was gazing at the lid windows, worries clear on her face as well. She was right, of course, they had to confront Valka with this. But that didn't mean it would be easy. Two weeks ago, they’d announced Astrid's pregnancy to her and she'd been delighted. The deferred wedding had disturbed her at first, but in the end, she hadn't minded the reason much. And she'd been happy to _become a grandmother_.

Hiccup remembered all too well how that statement had stung. His _mother_ had never behaved like one, and when she'd refused to acknowledge Lissy's existence he'd blamed her lack of any motherly feelings for that. But _obviously_ , that wasn't the truth. She _wanted_ to be a grandmother… Why couldn't she behave like one to the granddaughter she already had?

In the end, that was why he'd, at last, agreed to Astrid's slightly crazy plan. After tonight, either Valka would have to accept his family as it was, with every member, or he would finally have to accept that he had no mother after all.

He walked around the car toward Astrid. She jumped a little when he reached for her hand to entangling his fingers with hers, but then relaxed and leaned against him, both seeking and lending strength.

"You ready?" he asked in a low voice so Lissy wouldn't be able to hear him. The girl had given them curious glances during their ride here, he'd seen it in the rearview mirror. She, too, knew that this was not just a normal night out.

Astrid took a deep breath and nodded. "Let's get it over with."

They entered the restaurant but instead of going straight to _their_ table in the more reclusive area, Hiccup turned to the left, toward the big common room. He knew Astrid would hold Lissy back and wait for a few minutes before they would follow.

He spotted Valka immediately. As expected, she sat at the table they'd reserved for tonight, a bit to the side of the room, a bit separated from the other tables by plants and decoration, but still very much _in_ this room. When she saw him, she gave him a genuine but also confused smile.

"Hiccup," she greeted him, straightforward as always. "Where's Astrid? This table is far too big for just the two of us."

Hiccup bit back any comment on that. _Of course_ , the first thing she'd do was to subtly insult their favourite restaurant by remarking how not up to her standard their understanding of etiquette was. But it wouldn't help their case if he directly angered her with a sarcastic response. "She'll be here in a minute," he said instead and sat down next to her. "And she won't be alone."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw how she tensed at his words. "In that case, I'd better go," she announced, reaching for her purse and making a move to stand up.

"Sit!" Hiccup said. His voice was low and calm, but it was an order nonetheless and Valka glanced at him curiously. Never before had he used this tone on her, this commanding voice and the cold mask he wore now. Hel, he hadn't used those on anyone in a very long time, and it had needed Astrid and her utter trust in him to come to terms with this part of him. With this part that behaved like he _deserved_ obedience, in any situation.

Valka didn't obey though, but she also wasn't leaving right away. That was something at least. "Why?" she asked coldly. "To meet that criminal's offspring? I thought we were through with this. I don't want anything to do with that child!"

Hiccup wanted to ball his hands into fists, to angrily glare at her or reply with a harsh comment, but none of that would do their cause any good. Instead, he just bit down on the inside of his cheek for a moment and then replied in an even voice, "Because there are several reporters in this room, all _dying_ to be first-hand witnesses to us making a scene."

_That_ got her attention. Her face turned into a stony mask, but she slowly sank down on her chair again. "Why?" she asked again, but this time he could hear the anger boiling inside her.

Hiccup closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm down, to not let her see how her belligerent behaviour affected him. "Because I want you to give her a chance! She's just a child and–"

Valka snorted. "The child of a moneygrubbing criminal!"

"Stop calling her that!" Hiccup was close to losing his patience. "You have no idea who her mother was, what she did. Stop judging her when you don't know anything about her at all." He took a shaky breath. "And you do remember that she’s _my_ daughter, too, or have you forgotten that?" He hated how his voice shook but there was nothing he could do about it. "She _is_ my daughter and that's won't change just because you decided to ignore her. Lissy is a part of my life. And if you don't want her to be apart of your life as well, then this is where our ways part." He forced himself to look at her, to meet her glare straight on and not shy away from her.

"You can't be _serious!"_ she hissed, hard-pressed to not let her face show any emotions. "You can't–"

"I can and I am," he interrupted her. He took a deep breath and when he continued, his voice was calmer, almost soft. "Please! Let's just eat together. Talk to her. She's just a child, for Thor's sake! All I asking is that you give her a chance. You don't have to love her right away. Just…" He shrugged, a little insecure now. He hadn't meant to show this amount of emotions to her.

For a little while, Valka was quiet, the atmosphere between them unbearably tense. But then she nodded. "Looks like I don't have another choice anyway," she snarled, and Hiccup relaxed a bit.

"Thanks!" he breathed. 

She huffed irritatedly, but Hiccup knew that was just her way of trying to keep up appearances. She'd lost this argument.

Hiccup looked up at the waitress near the entrance and gave her a slight nod, the agreed-upon sign, and a few seconds later, Astrid and Lissy entered the room, chatting amiably. They had agreed to not let Lissy in on their plan so the girl wouldn't be disappointed in case Valka choose to keep her distance. But when her eyes fell on Hiccup and the woman next to him, he couldn't detect any surprise on her face at all. She just paused for the fraction of a second, nodded slightly as if just to herself, and without a word sat down across from Valka.

**. o O o .**

** Astrid **

The first few minutes after they'd entered the main room felt horribly awkward, to Astrid at least, and from what she guessed Hiccup didn't feel any better. They talked alternately to Valka and to Lissy, and every attempt to engage them both into one conversation got thwarted by Valka's determination and Lissy's unusual reticence. The girl watched the older woman warily while in return Valka made no attempts to hide her dissatisfaction over Lissy's presence.

But that was nothing she and Hiccup hadn't anticipated. It was a first step that Valka even had agreed to stay – although, they hadn’t really given her much choice on the matter. 

It hadn't taken much work. They’d only needed to talk to Carlo and reserve his restaurant for this evening so no unwanted customers would be here tonight. And they had needed to contact a few of the more amiable reporters in town and to invite them and their families to Carlo's with the promise of an interesting headline for tomorrow's news if they could behave unsuspiciously, thus using them as a bargaining chip against Valka. That wasn't playing fair, of course. But Valka hadn't left them many other options.

Now, however, it was time for the next part of their plan. Valka had stayed, now she needed to listen. Astrid gave Hiccup a meaningful glance and he nodded, though only reluctantly. The first part had been relatively easy. Hiccup had a thick skin by now when it came to Valka's verbal attacks and there hadn't been much to do anyway. Just confronting her with the inescapable situation she suddenly was in. This now would probably be harder. Astrid had yet to experience how sharp Valka's words could be and the hormones had made her overly emotional anyway. And trying to talk some sense into Valka… Well, all she could do was trying, she guessed.

"Lissy?" Hiccup started after the last topic had ended in only more silence again. "Shall we go looking for Carlo? He promised to let you watch, didn't he?" Lissy gave him a flat look, clearly knowing why he suggested this now, but didn't say anything. Under different circumstances, it would have been funny how utterly impossible it was to fool her, but today, nothing was funny.

"Sure," she agreed, jumped off her seat, and led the way into the kitchen. Hiccup swiftly squeezed Astrid's shoulder in passing and then hurried after the girl. Astrid's gaze followed them with a small smile before she turned back to Valka and her unyielding glare.

"How can you play along with this foolishness?" the older woman spat as soon as Lissy and Hiccup were out of earshot, not holding off in the least. "How can you bear that girl's presence? I would have thought you of all people would have the most reasons to hate her!" 

Astrid sighed. She had expected nothing else but it stung nonetheless. "Why, on Midgard, should I hate her?" she asked as evenly as she could muster. She knew why, knew it would hurt to hear Valka say it, but she needed her to say it nonetheless.

"Because he cheated on you! You have loved each other since High School, you've said so yourselves. And yet, he's been with that other woman, and now her offspring is going to ruin his life. Your lives! How can you bear it? You should have kicked her out the moment she showed up."

Yep, it hurt... Astrid bit her lip and closed her eyes for a moment. She'd heard and also read these words and others so many times during the past months. Of course, they hadn't been able to keep Lissy's identity a secret, hadn't even tried to, in fact. Hiccup was nothing if not honest, in the long run at least. And of course, there was the question why they'd set back the wedding… This whole affair had called forth again the voices who predicted their break-up, had almost demanded her to kick him or her or both of them out. She'd gotten hate-letters for still holding on to Hiccup, for being a disgrace to all women who ever have been cheated on. Nobody seemed to even _want_ to see the truth, to see what really had happened, but then none of these people really knew them. With Valka, it was different though and in a way, it hurt even more for her to not see, either.

"He never _cheated on me_ and you know that perfectly well," Astrid said as calmly as possible. She didn't _want_ to make a scene and hoped Valka wouldn't be too stubborn. "You know we were no couple back then, weren’t even in contact in any way. Why are you of all people repeating this stupid gossip to me? I really thought you were above behaviour like this." Appealing to her pride, the easiest way to get her attention… 

Valka didn't respond though and only kept glaring at her, but Astrid saw something else in her eyes as well. She saw a flicker of doubt. That was all she needed.

"Why are you really so depreciative towards her?" she asked in a low voice and Valka grunted condescendingly.

"Her mother–" she began, but Astrid shook her head.

"Her mother made some stupid decisions. But you of all people shouldn't judge a person by their mother's stupid decisions." She raised an eyebrow at the older woman who fell silent. "Besides, Carina might have made mistakes, but she did it out of love for her child. Not even you can dispraise her for that. And who knows what would have happened to your son if she hadn't been there to help him in the past. Neither of us would be here now if it wasn't for her, least of all your son" Astrid forced herself to keep looking at Valka, to not avert her eyes, but also to not let her own emotions show too much. All this was true. She didn't want to think about Hiccup with _her_ , didn't want to picture her in his arms. But she knew how much they all owed to Carina.

"This girl still shouldn't be here," Valka grumbled. "She doesn't belong here, to you, to us. Surely, there must be someone else who could take care of her."

At this, Astrid bit her lip again and desperately fought against the tears that threatened to well up in her eyes, though for other reasons now. She remembered Carina's funeral and how there had been nobody who'd cared enough for her, not even her own parents. "No," she whispered. "There is nobody else. And…" She paused. This now was the crucial point. Everything else so far had been just brushing aside prejudices, but if Valka continued to deny this truth then there would be no point in arguing further. "And she really is Hiccup's daughter! They are so much alike… If only you would get to know her, she's amazing! She belongs here, with Hiccup, with us, and nowhere else." Astrid could see how Valka's mind was working through all of this. She hadn't denied or brushed aside anything Astrid had said so far so there was hope, at least. Astrid gave her a few more moments to think about what she'd said before she added: "You told me once how you've hoped to be able to make up for the lost time. Don't make the same mistake again!"

With these words, Astrid stood up, but paused again and said, "I'll go and see what Hiccup and Lissy are doing. You can stay or you can go. It is your decision. But you'll have to accept it, it'll be final." Then she turned away, leaving an unusually quiet Valka at their table.

**. o O o .**

** Hiccup **

Hiccup leaned against the wall in Carlo's kitchen near the entrance door, arms crossed in front of him, and watched Lissy and Carlo as the bulky man showed her how to add toppings to their pizzas. His eyes were on them, but his mind was not. 

His thoughts kept wandering back into the other room, toward that table, and toward Astrid. He worried about how this conversation was going, how hard his mother would be on her. He knew how hard she _could_ be… Gods, he wanted to be there, to support Astrid in whatever way he could. But she'd been right. It needed to be Astrid who had this conversation with Valka. He'd tried to argue against it, that it wasn't her responsibility to stand up against his mother, that it wasn't her fight at all. Her reply though… If he hadn't been completely and irrevocably in love with her then he would have been so then.

_Yes, it is my fight as well. Because I care for her just as much as you do!_

Those had been her words and they'd meant more to him than he could ever say or explain. Because Astrid really cared for his illegitimate daughter. She didn't just put up with her, she really _cared_. He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh again. He just hoped she was alright out there, fighting the one dragon he would always be afraid of.

A few minutes later, the door next to him opened and Astrid was in his arms before he realised it had been her who'd entered. Silent tears were running down her cheeks and he did his best to secretly wipe them away before anyone else would notice them. He knew what she must have been through just now. When they'd talked about this plan to convince Valka, it had been clear that Astrid would have to relive a lot of unpleasant memories during this conversation. And in her current state, there was only so much she was able to endure without bursting into tears.

And there had been _everything_. The dreadful headlines and articles of the last few weeks, the accusations and demands that had reached her, and her inability to defend herself in any way. The memories of the lonely years they'd spent apart, the knowledge of what they'd both done during this time, and also the reminder of how cruel life could be, even and especially to those who didn't deserve it. And finally the reminder of those for her most painful three days she'd spent at his sickbed. He knew how all that must've gotten to her and he hated that all he could do to help was holding her in his arms.

"How did it go?" he asked quietly after she'd calmed down a bit. They wouldn't be able to hide in here for much longer…

"We'll see, I guess." Astrid sniffed. "But at least she listened until the end, so there's hope." She cuddled more closely against his chest and he drew her tighter, his cheek resting on her hair. "What are we going to do in case she's gone now?" she asked in a whisper. They hadn't talked about this possibility so far, hadn't allowed themselves to consider it, but, of course, Hiccup _had_ thought about it.

"Well, first of all, we'll need new jobs, I guess," he stated soberly, and Astrid nodded. It wouldn't be possible for them to keep working for Valka when she was determined to further ignore Lissy. "And aside from that… Well, she didn't play that much of a role in our lives so far, we're just going to go on..." He trailed off, voice thick with emotions, and felt Astrid's arms around his torso, squeezing him comfortingly. Valka had never behaved like she truly was his mother, not having her in his life, again, wouldn't make such a difference. And if he kept telling this to himself, maybe he would even believe it one day.

"I'm sorry…" Astrid mumbled against his chest and he nodded, his nose buried in her hair. A moment later, he released her though and put on a small smile.

"She had enough time now, I think," he stated, trying – and failing - to mentally brace himself for the possibility of a renewed rejection by his mother. He took her hand and turned toward Carlo and Lissy, to see whether they were finished preparing their pizza, but the girl apparently had watched them more closely than he'd noticed. As usual. She was already on her way back toward them, waving at the pizza baker over her shoulder and thanking him before she gave them a stern look. She seemed to have a fairly good idea of what was going on. 

"Let's go."

They returned to the main room, Lissy a step ahead of them and Astrid at his side, still arm in arm, as close as was possible at this moment. He so dearly hoped he wouldn't need her closeness and her consolation now, but when his eyes fell on their table, his heart clenched painfully.

It was empty

**. o O o .**

** Astrid **

Astrid heard Hiccup taking in a ragged breath and felt him tense up at her side when their empty table came into view. She squeezed his hand reassuringly, desperately, in an attempt to make this any easier for him, even though she knew there was little even she could do right now. His mother had decided to leave rather than to stay…

Apparently oblivious to the tense atmosphere, Lissy just went on, sat down on her chair, and took a sip of her lemonade before throwing them a curious glance. She and Hiccup were still standing in the gangway, frozen in place. Their plan had backfired, the _trap_ they'd set for Valka had become their own. Because breaking down now, here, that was not an option. She clutched his hand more firmly when she felt him trembling and tried to pull him along, but he didn't give in. Instead, he pulled her against his chest to take her in his arms. Just like minutes ago, when she'd needed his closeness to cope, he now needed hers.

She heard and also felt his heavy breathing, his face hidden in her hair as he desperately tried to pull himself together. He leaned heavily against her, putting more weight on her than usual, though not more than she could take. It was over. Valka was gone and there was nothing they could do about it anymore. She had chosen, just like they’d wanted her to, and now they all had to live with the outcome. Astrid threw a glance over Hiccup's shoulder toward the table, toward Lissy.

_For her!_ They'd done it for her, she had to remember that. _Hiccup_ had to remember that. He had made his decision before when he'd agreed to this plan. His daughter or his mother. If he couldn't have them both in his life, who would he choose? And he had chosen…

Astrid met Lissy's curious eyes with the attempt of a smile, trying to reassure her that everything was alright. Somehow… But Lissy didn't look worried. Curious, yes, but not worried. No… The look she gave them now wasn't worried at all but rather… _pitiful?_ Astrid frowned at her, and the girl shrugged and nodded toward the place where Valka had sat before. Her eyes wandered, too, toward the only half-emptied glass and toward Valka's jacket that still hung over the chair. And widened.

She heard Hiccup's gasp and felt his fingers digging into her back just as realisation dawned on her. She turned around, her eyes following his gaze to where Valka stood, the hastily reapplied make-up around her red-rimmed eyes only noticeable if one knew what to look for.

"I won't…" she whispered. "I won't make that same mistake again!"

**. o O o .**

** Hiccup **

Hiccup sat mutely in his chair and tried to process what was happening in front of him. Every now and then, he felt Astrid's hand on his, tightening its grip or caressing him soothingly. He still wasn't over the shock, over the almost-breakdown from a few minutes ago, but he got better. With every second that passed and with every word he heard he got better.

Up until that moment when he'd seen their empty table, he hadn't really believed it would be possible, hadn't really considered the possibility that his mother would leave. Oh, sure, logically he'd known it was possible but he hadn't thought it would be a real option. He'd thought it would be hard and even painful to convince Valka, but he'd never doubted that they would do so eventually.

Seeing her empty chair then… No, he still wasn't able to consider what it would have meant. His mind had shut down completely at that moment, trying to ward off the pain that had threatened to overwhelm him. A small, detached part of him was taunting him right now, laughing at how he still clung to his mother's approval even after all this time. He'd thought to be over this by now, but he slowly began to realise that he probably _never_ would be.

"So, you've never taken any additional courses at school?" Valka asked now, dissatisfaction clear in her voice. "No advanced courses, no clubs for handcrafting, not even for music or any sport?" Lissy only shrugged, shaking her head, and Valka huffed.

This conversation had started rather awkwardly and only very slowly, it was turning into something a little more comfortable now. Valka had wanted to switch places with him so that she would sit closer to Lissy, and also probably so that he could sit next to Astrid. His mother had seen how pale he'd been after all and knew how much he needed Astrid's presence. She then had slowly started to talk to the girl, had asked rather formal questions about her name and her age and various other sober facts. She'd been happily surprised by Lissy's school grades, though the lack of any additional education obviously irritated her.

"There hadn't been any additional courses and barely any clubs in her old school," Astrid interjected on Lissy's behalf now. There was something like a barely hidden smirk on her face.

"That's a pity, really," Valka said, frowning. But Lissy just shrugged again.

"I think those courses would have been boring anyway," the girl state nonchalantly, and involuntarily, Hiccup's lips twitched into a small smile as well. He knew what Lissy meant, he'd always thought so, too, after all.

"Knowledge is always interesting!" Valka insisted firmly, throwing Astrid a confused look when she chuckled.

"Lissy…" she began, visibly fighting down a grin. "Would you mind showing Valka a few of your sketches?" Hiccup had to bite down on his lip to not laugh, too. They hadn't made any further plan for after Valka had agreed to talk to Lissy, but obviously, Astrid actually _had_ thought about this as well. Hiccup hadn't thought much about Lissy's talent and general intelligence so far, not since he'd accepted the fact that she really was his daughter at least. And he wasn’t sure whether he liked showing off Lissy’s skills as a way to make Valka open up to her; it felt too cool and clinical. But Astrid was right. If there was one way to convince his mother that Lissy was worth spending time with than it probably was showing her how gifted she was.

Lissy scowled though. She didn't like other people looking at her drawings, he knew that all too well by now. "Maybe just one?" He asked and leaned forward to tap lightly against the condiments between them.

"That one?" Lissy asked, disbelievingly, and wrinkled her nose. "Sure…" 

That picture she’d drawn here in this restaurant on that first day wasn’t one that held any meaning for her. She'd just drawn it to kill some time. But it was perfect for this case as it showed just what they wanted Valka to see. Lissy leaned down toward the backpack she always carried around, pulled out the sketch-pad, and thumbed through the pictures until she'd found the one she'd drawn all those months ago. She hesitated for a moment longer, but then handed it over to Valka.

For a minute or three, it was awfully quiet at their table. Hiccup and Astrid waited tensely for Valka to finally react, her eyes solidly glued to the detailed drawing, while Lissy's gaze wandered from one to the other, her confusion growing with every second.

"You did this?" Valka finally asked, her voice barely more than a whisper, and for the umpteenth time, Lissy shrugged.

"Yeah," she said unabashedly. "While Hiccup and I waited for our pizza that one day…"

Valka grunted and finally looked up questioningly, looked _at him_. He swallowed and nodded. Yes, she really was _that_ good already. Valka looked down at the drawing for a little while longer before she handed the sketch-pad back to Lissy and eyed her with a strange mixture of feelings on her face.

"How about your new school here?" she finally asked, picking up the former topic again as if there hadn't been any break at all. "Have you found any interesting courses or clubs there?" Her voice was much friendlier now than before. He couldn't be sure… But Hiccup wanted to believe it was because his mother had realised that Lissy wasn't just some lazy kid, that she'd _meant_ it when she'd said those courses at her old school would have been boring for her.

At that question Lissy blushed though, something Hiccup hadn't seen her ever doing before, and he perked up curiously. He noticed that Astrid, too, leaned the tiniest bit closer and that Lissy threw him a quick glance before hastily looking away again, fidgeting.

"Well…" she began hesitantly. "There are some that don’t seem too bad, and,” she threw another glance, at Astrid this time, and only continued when she nodded. “And, well, there is one club that sounded… It's about something that… well… I was interested in that already and then… a few months ago, after…" She trailed off, flushing even more.

Out of the corner of his eye, Hiccup saw how Astrid raised a hand to cover her mouth, to hide her grin, and when he turned toward her, he saw the humorous glint in her eyes as she looked at him. Did she know what this was about?

"Something interesting?" Valka asked kindly and Lissy nodded.

"It's about engineering"

**. o O o .**

** Astrid **

Astrid leaned back in her chair, subconsciously placing one arm over her belly and simply watched as the conversation went on. After Lissy had mentioned which club she'd joined, there was no holding back anymore. Both Hiccup and Valka inquired after what exactly they were doing there, asked about her ideas and cautiously gave suggestions on how to approach one problem or another.

Lissy had told Astrid about this club a few weeks ago, had asked whether it would come across as cocky or presumptuous for her to pick this as a hobby with Hiccup being so exceedingly good at it. Astrid hadn't been able to stop grinning then and had assured her that there would be no problem. But she'd asked the girl to not tell Hiccup about it, not yet.

Astrid smiled to herself as the other three were completely engrossed in their conversation. Everything had worked out perfectly, better even than she’d dared to hope. This now had been the last icebreaker. After all the prejudices and reservations were gone, this now was the one topic they all could talk about. There really was _no doubt at all_ that Lissy fit in perfectly with these two.

After she'd eaten as much pizza as fit into her, she closed her eyes, suddenly tired, and dozed off lightly, only listening to their rambling with half an ear. It had been a long day, long _days_ really, with lots of worries over the outcome of this meeting. And she knew that this day wasn't over yet. She would need just a little bit more strength later…

She jumped as suddenly a hand was on hers. She looked up and into Hiccup's brightly gleaming eye as he leaned over to peck her on the cheek. He interlaced his fingers with hers and there were no words needed for them to know the other's feelings. Relief and gratitude and hope and love. Above all else, always love.

Around them, the waitress was cleaning their table and Astrid shook her head, blinking to clear away the dizziness. It had gotten later than she thought, time to go home. Almost… She reached for her glass of water and took a sip. There was one last thing they had to do tonight, one promise to keep.

"Valka?" Lissy asked, her tone thoughtful but also casual like she'd talked to the older woman for all her life. Valka, who had just picked up her jacket, looked up at her curiously. "Why do people call you a dragon? You're not scary at all."

Astrid choked on her water and next to her, Hiccup coughed as well in a futile attempt to hide any reaction. What would it have been? Laughter or a groan or maybe just simple shock? Everything would be appropriate. Because it wasn't like anyone ever called Valke that _to her face._

But to Astrid's utmost surprise, Valka didn't get irritated or annoyed. On the contrary, there was suddenly a mischievous glint in her eyes and her lips twitched into a for her highly unusual grin. "Ah, who knows," she replied, winking as she and Lissy were on their way out. "Maybe I just can act out being scary well enough."

Hiccup stared after them, mouth hanging open, and Astrid guessed that she didn't look any better. Then they exchanged a glance and simultaneously began to laugh. It took them a few moments to calm down again before Hiccup held out his hand to help her up.

"Who would have thought that it would simply take a little girl to break her icy armour, to tame this dragon," Hiccup mumbled, disbelievingly shaking his head. There was a trace of melancholy in his voice and Astrid raised her hand to place it on his cheek. He smiled down at her, nuzzling into her hand for a moment before he turned to place a light kiss on her fingertips and whispered: "Thank you!"

Astrid blinked once in response, slowly, before her lips curled into a grin as well. "Just imagine how much fun she's going to have with her grandchildren," she giggled, and Hiccup snorted. He pulled her into his arms, his hand over her belly. Beneath her comfortable wide clothes, her bump wasn't all that obvious yet, but they could very well feel it already. And Astrid could swear she already felt light kicks and punches now and then. She also felt his hands now, warm and loving as they stroked over her.

"Like she's having already?" he absentmindedly asked a few moments later, nodding toward the exit through which Valka and Lissy had disappeared a minute ago. "But that was the point, wasn't it? We probably won't get to see much of them. But that reminds me…" He paused and held out his hand for her once more. "Are you ready?"

Astrid nodded, smiled, and laid her hand in his. "Let's get it over with!"

They walked around the makeshift wall of plants and out into the open of the main room where half a dozen reporters and their families sat and waited. They had promised them a headline and they intended to keep this promise.

Hiccup took a deep breath, straightened his back, and after one last glance at Astrid, he turned toward the waiting faces, all looking at him. "Thank you all for following our invitation, for coming here tonight, and... for being _good._ " He began, addressing the small crowd and a wave of low chuckles sounded through the room. "Just by being here, unobtrusively, you have helped us immensely, and we–" he quickly smiled at Astrid again, "–want to thank you, as promised. I know you all have heard the rumours by now, about our growing family and about why we deferred our wedding. So let me confirm it now. Yes, Astrid is pregnant."

**. o O o .**

** Hiccup **

About twenty minutes and what felt like hundreds of questions later, Hiccup and Astrid finally left the main room of Carlo's Pizzeria, tired but happy. Lissy sat, again, at one of the empty tables, her drawing utensils in front of her. From the way the bulky pizza baker stood in front of her, she seemed to be drawing a portrait of him while Valka glanced over her shoulder. As they entered the room though, she looked up and came toward him, just as Astrid squeezed his hand and then went toward Lissy instead.

"That was very well done, son," Valka said in an even voice, nodding toward the other room behind him.

"Thank you," he answered, whispering past the lump that suddenly rose in his throat. It was a long time since she'd called him that, but even then it had never felt as right as it felt today. Just as right as adding, "mom," felt, too.

He saw how her lip trembled a little, but she didn't say anything else and turned around to gaze back at the other table again. Carlo had left his position as a model to look at Lissy's drawing and to talk to Astrid. She looked exhausted but smiled nonetheless, laughed even at whatever Carlo told her, and once again, Hiccup sent a silent prayer of thanks toward the Gods for letting him have her in his life. She placed a hand on Lissy's shoulder and said something else whereupon the girl grabbed her pencil case and sketch-pad and stowed them away in her backpack.

"She really is your daughter, isn't she?" Valka suddenly whispered.

He glanced at her and nodded. "She is!" He paused for a moment before he added cautiously, "And your granddaughter as well," and waited for his mother to react.

It probably took her only seconds to respond, but to him, it felt like ages, especially after this day. But then her face lit up, her lips curled into an honest smile and her eyes shone brightly with joy – and _maybe_ also with a thin layer of tears. 

"Yeah…" she breathed. "Yeah, I guess she is…"

 


	15. Epilogue two: Happily Ever After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This title gained another meaning to me, and I couldn't stop laughing...xD)  
> Anyway... I'm truly sorry this took so long now! I have no excuse for myself other than... I straight out forgot that I hadn't posted this epilogue yet. >.< So I did some hasty editing today. It's not up to my usual standard, I think, but good enough. 😅

(3 years later)

** Lissy **

When Lissy opened the door to Hiccup's workshop, she was greeted by a stream of unashamed curses. She allowed herself a short grin before she stepped inside to try and calm her father down.

"This thing is horrible! It doesn't work, it must be broken. This shouldn't be so hard, it's just a stupid strip of cloth, for Thor's sake!" Hiccup swore to himself and ran his fingers through his hair. It looked like he'd done so already multiple times, and Lissy thanked the Gods that her father's hair was untamable anyway. There wouldn't be enough time left to style it anew right now.

"Do you need any help with this?" she asked cheerfully, and smirked when his head whipped around, startled. Typical, he was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he hadn't even heard the door.

"No, I don’t," he grumbled sourly. "I should be able to tie a simple bowtie, shouldn't I? It can't be that difficult..." He angrily scowled at the instructions, sighed, and tried it again. Lissy leaned against the wooden workbench, arms crossed and an amused expression on her face as she watched him. Of course, he was able to tie a bowtie. He was a genius, his mind capable of the most astounding constructions. A simple bowtie was no challenge for him. Except, today, it was.

Today, his nerves were on edge so, naturally, nothing would be easy that was more demanding than tying a bow. Or, well, obviously, even that was too difficult today. But right now, he wouldn't accept any help so she just waited. Her gaze wandered around aimlessly, over the screws and nuts that still lay around from when Bran had wanted to watch daddy work the other day. Absentmindedly, she began to sort the pieces back into their boxes while she remembered that one other day her father had been equally on edge – if not even more so.

**. o O o .**

_"Astrid, are you sure you don't want me to call an ambulance? You… is this really normal? Do you need anything? A glass of water? Do you want to sit down again? Gods, I need to call the hospital! Tell them we're coming… Where is my phone?"_

_Lissy jumped up, picked up her father’s phone from the kitchen counter, and handed it to him while Astrid leaned heavily on the couch's backrest and breathed through another contraction._

_"I'm fine!" she hissed in between two breaths, the pained expression on her face revealing her lie. "And no, no ambulance and no water! Just… get me to the car, will you?"_

_"Right… car…" Hiccup grabbed his car keys from the board and hurried back to Astrid's side. For a moment, he looked out of place, insecure about how and where to touch her without hurting her further. He'd been through this so many times, they all had been. Did the contractions come regularly? Yes, definitely! How regularly? About every ten minutes. It was starting._

_But while Hiccup was still running around like a headless chicken, at least Astrid was staying calm. Or as calm as one could be, considering the obvious pain she was in. She grabbed Hiccup's arm, laid it around her waist and placed her hand on his shoulder to have something to hold on to._

_"Stop it!" she chided him, and Lissy guessed that, if the situation would have been different, Astrid would have laughed. "Car! Now! Lissy can call the hospital while we're on the road."_

_Hiccup gulped and made a visible effort to calm down. He took a deep breath and let it out again, then glanced up at her._

_Lissy nodded. "Go ahead," she reassured them. "I just need to get my phone but I'll be faster than you anyway"_

_Astrid nodded shortly, the pain of another contraction clearly visible on her face before she pulled Hiccup along and out of the door._

_Disbelievingly, Lissy shook her head. Who would have thought that Hiccup, who was always cool and composed no matter the circumstances, would lose his nerves like this just because Astrid went into labour It was the most natural thing in the world, for Odin's sake!_

_With a light chuckle, she got her own phone from her room, grabbed Hiccup's apartment-keys from the board and Astrid's prepacked bag from its place near the entrance door, and followed her parents out of the building._

_Time to become a big sister._

**. o O o .**

Lissy smiled to herself. Yeah, on that day two and a half years ago, her dad had been equally disarranged. And just like then, it was kind of funny to watch, for her at least.

"Alright, I give up!" suddenly came his sulky exclamation. "Could you help me? Please?" 

Lissy bit back a grin as not to tease him further and stepped toward him. 

"Remind me, why am I wearing one of these again?" he asked, frustrated as Lissy had it tied correctly within a minute.

"Because bowties are cool, dad," she reminded him with a grin, knowing he wouldn't be able to resist grinning as well at that quote.

"Right…" As predicted, Hiccup's lips twitched suspiciously. "Thanks! What would I do without you…"

Lissy pretended to honestly think about that. "You'd probably still be running around in circles because Brie jumped off the table pretending to be a dragon, while Mum would still be lying on the floor, laughing?"

She’d started to call Astrid and Hiccup mom and dad shortly after she'd become a big sister. The awkwardness of those first months living with them had been gone by then, and it had felt weird to use their names while baby-talking to Brie and Bran when they were all family. It still had taken a while to get used to it, but ever since the twins had started to talk as well, those terms came naturally.

Hiccup gave her a flat look at the reminder of _that_ incident but didn't react otherwise. Instead, he tugged at the sleeves and collar of his tux, nervousness already resurfacing – though luckily not as bad as before. "Am I presentable?" he asked with a crooked smile. 

Lissy nodded. "Perfect!" she decided and nodded toward the door. "Let's get going, the others are all waiting already!"

**. o O o .**

** Hiccup **

With a sigh, Hiccup followed Lissy out of his workshop and into the living room. Automatically, his eyes wandered to the right, to Astrid's former walk-in closet that now held their bedroom. Where she was right now, getting ready as well. His heartbeat quickened at the thought, and hastily, he turned away to distract himself. He'd waited to see her like that for more than three years, or for his entire life if he was honest with himself. He would survive to wait for a few minutes longer.

Instead, he let his eyes move around the open living room and took in Valka sitting on the couch, her eyes flickering through the room, and Fishlegs standing by the DVD shelf that covered that part of the wall, sifting through Astrid's collection. The combination of just these two here was a bit unusual, but aside from that, it could have been a completely normal Saturday afternoon, judging by how calm the scenery in front of him seemed. Well, almost…

"No!" Lissy's urgent voice tore him out of his thoughts and his head whipped around. There wasn't much that could make her sound like this. 

"Brie, stop. Stop!" 

Hiccup only registered a bluish blur swishing through the room before Lissy picked what looked like a ball of pink fluff off the kitchen counter and he relaxed again. Danger averted, from the girl _and_ the cake...

"Brianna Carina Haddock! You know you're not allowed to climb on furniture anymore! One broken arm was enough, don't you think?"

"But Sissy….," the small girl whined. "There's chocolate cake! I want chocolate cake!"

Hiccup watched the scene with a bemused smile. Honestly, what would they do without Lissy? When they'd learned that there wasn't just everything okay with Astrid's pregnancy but also that she was pregnant with _twins_ , their joy had been overwhelming. The pregnancy hadn't been easy for Astrid though, and Lissy had been a great help already. But after the twins were born, she became downright indispensable. Logically, he knew that it that to be possible to cope with two babies at once without an additional pair of hands to help, but practically, he couldn't imagine how that worked.

"Yes, there is chocolate cake," Lissy affirmed patiently. "Heather made it specifically for you, little devil. But it's for later, remember? For the party?"

"Oohh, party!" Brie squealed and clapped her tiny hands. "Mummy's and daddy's party! Now?" Her small head with the blond curled whipped around and her piercing blue eyes searched the room. When her gaze landed on Hiccup, her eyes grew wide and her small pink lips formed a perfect O. She fidgeted until she escaped Lissy's grip, jumped down – thankfully without hurting herself for once – and ran toward him.

"Pretty daddy!" she chirped as she threw herself into his waiting arms and ignored that everyone in the room began to chuckle. "I'm pretty, too! See?" She lifted her arms over her head, grinning up at him.

"Indeed you are, little princess!" Hiccup placed a soft kiss on the girl's forehead before he set her down on the floor again. "But where's your brother? Are you playing Hide and Seek again?" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Valka shaking her head and heard her mumbling to herself as she stood up and began to search the room more thoroughly.

"Noooo," Brie vigorously shook her head. "He's _exploring_ again! So boring…"

With a groan, Hiccup buried his face in his hands for a moment as Brie skipped through the room to where the twins' box of toys stood. If Brandon Stoick Haddock was on an _exploring expedition_ again, he could literally be _everywhere_! Hiccup was about to stand up again and summon everyone to join the search when Valka's voice sounded through the apartment.

"Found him!" she called, and a moment later left the bathroom with a sulking but thankfully still clean Bran on her arm. "He wanted to explore the _infinite distances_ of the shower, I think. He even brought provisions and a companion," she said in a light voice while the boy clutched his red cuddly dragon and a cookie to his chest.

Hiccup walked over to take his son out of his mother's arms. With his dishevelled brown hair and gleaming green eyes, Bran was an exact copy of his father. Or so people kept saying. Hiccup himself couldn't see it, saw only the myriad of details that distinguished them. But then, he hadn't been able to see himself in Lissy either, when their resemblance had been striking enough for Astrid to know who she'd been immediately.

"I know you want to explore the whole world," Hiccup said in a low voice so only Bran could hear him. "But not today, bud. I need your help today, remember?" Bran's pout turned into a serious expression, and he nodded once. Hiccup nudged his nose and said, "Good man!" before he sat him back down onto the floor. He watched as the boy ran toward his sisters, his _Hoockfang_ soaring through the air to where Lissy's _Tags_ and Brie's _Stormfly_ were already involved in an epic dragon race.

As mature and grown-up as Lissy was on every other occasion, when she played with her little siblings she became the child she'd never been allowed to be, for those brief minutes at least. It was good to see her like this, carefree and relaxed, and the twins clearly adored her. He hadn't noticed how troubled and anxious Lissy really had been, not until around a year after the twins' birth she’d finally _clicked into place_. She seemed to have come to terms with her fate, and with Carina's fate as well. No-one of them would ever forget her just like Hiccup and Astrid would always remember her parents, her mother Brenna in particular, and Uncle Gobber, and even the to him unknown Stoick had a place in their hearts.

"You can be proud of them," Valka's voice suddenly sounded from beside him.

He turned to look at her. His mother was a tall woman, in fact even taller than he was, but right now, she seemed to be looking up at him nonetheless. 

"Of them and of your whole life here," she continued with shiny eyes. "You became an even better man than I ever could have hoped for. And your father would be every bit as proud as I am."

Hiccup tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. "Thank you," he whispered, and they shared a genuine smile. After they finally, _finally_ had come to terms in Carlo's Pizzeria all those years ago, Valka had plucked up her courage and had told him about his father, had answered all of Hiccup's question. About who he'd been, what he'd been like, and what his dreams had been. It had been cathartic to finally learn about his father, even though Hiccup now regretted more than ever to never have met him.

"My sheep!" Bran cried and dove for one of the white cotton balls they used for their game.

It tore Hiccup out of his melancholy thoughts. Right… Today was not a day to dwell on missed opportunities of the past. Today belonged to their _future_. After another fond smile at his playing kids, he turned again toward the door behind which his future was right now. Astrid was his future, his present, his past. She was _everything._

He flinched when the door opened, but it was only Heather, poking her head through the gap. She took a careful glance around the room and then threw him a measuring look before she nodded.

"Well done, Lissy!" she called out, which earned her Lissy's chuckle before she became serious again. "Good, you're all here... _Now, stay_ here! She'll be ready in five minutes!" And then she was gone again, the door firmly closed once more.

Hiccup's heartbeat accelerated. Five minutes… Only five minutes until– 

Their official wedding would occur on the roof of _the dragon's lair_ , as it was suitable for the new CEO of Dragonite Engineering. In the end, they had accepted that they wouldn't be able to shirk their responsibility on that topic. They were public figures, there was no way around it, affronting everyone wouldn't do them any favours in the long run. So he and Astrid had accepted Valka's suggestion, and his mother had spent a great deal of the last months with embellishing the roof-deck into their dream location. When she hadn't been occupied by her grandchildren that is… Hiccup had to admit it wasn't the worst option, not at all. Despite the great scale, _the lair_ still felt almost like home to them. And being this high up in the air… Hiccup couldn't deny that it was _exhilarating._ It wasn't like flying, nothing compared to that. But it was the closest they would get for now, and it had only taken one look into Astrid's gleaming eyes to know that she'd felt the same.

So, their wedding would be the great occasion they both hadn't wanted it to be after all. Everyone would be there, their colleagues and friends, business partners and members of High Society, politicians and celebs, the whole entourage. They had accepted that.

Which was why this moment now was so important. Seeing her as his bride, like he had wanted to see her, like he'd feared he never would. Seeing her like that for the first time, surrounded only by their family and closest friends as witnesses. It was this moment they would remember when they talked about their wedding, when everyone commented on the beautiful location or the delicious food. It was this moment that _mattered_.

Hiccup hadn't noticed how everyone had stepped closer, not until a small hand tugged at his trouser leg and two short arms reached up to get carried once again. He obliged, unable to refuse Brie anything. She gave him an almost comically stern look and then began to knead his face like modelling clay. Confused, he endured the treatment but apparently, she wasn't satisfied. 

"Smile!" she ordered in her high pitched voice, and he couldn't help but grin. How had he _ever_ survived on his own?

The door to their bedroom opened once more and Hiccup flinched, heart racing again. But it was, again, just Heather, poking outside as to not let anyone get the slightest glimpse of the room behind her.

"Everyone ready?" she asked, but didn't wait for an answer and slipped outside with a graceful move.

"Brie, come over here. You wouldn't want dad to drop you, right?" Brie giggled and climbed over his back into Lissy's arms. It was highly likely that she wasn't the only one chuckling at that comment, Hiccup thought he noticed Fishlegs' and Valka's laughter at least. But it hardly registered.

He wasn't paying attention to them, his eyes glued to that door. He couldn't hear anything anymore, blood pounding in his ears, couldn't think with his mind so utterly blank. All he could do was stare at the door where Heather stood, her hand on the handle. She nodded shortly at him and then opened the door.

The world could have ended at that moment, could have exploded around him, he wouldn't have noticed. For there she was, his beautiful bride, his divine beauty, his Astrid. A detached part of his mind noticed that Heather and Lissy had been right, the dress was perfect. The way that wide skirt fell loosely around her lower half like an eternal waterfall, moving and flowing, and how the bodice clung snuggly to her curves. It was breathtaking and one hundred per cent Astrid.

But the far bigger part of him saw _her_. He saw her radiant smile and her gleaming sapphire eyes, just like he had seen them for all his life whenever he'd closed his eyes. And yet there was more. He saw Astrid, her beautiful soul, fierce and strong and unyielding, caring and warm and loving. And she was his. Just like he was hers, utterly and completely hers. She took a careful step into the living room and as cliche as it was, it was as if the whole room lit up, as if she was glowing from the inside. The joy and love on her face when she looked at him radiated through the room, engulfing him in her light. That's what she always had been after all. His light in the darkness.

Not that there was any darkness left. His whole life had become one of light and it was all thanks to her. She had turned him into the man he was now, a man a father could be proud of. He'd made it through his childhood as a shy and awkward boy without parents because of her, because she'd always been there for him. And he'd made it through the ten dark years of self-loathing and loneliness and pain where only the memory of her light had kept him alive. She'd been with him for these past five years, mending his broken soul and helping him overcome his fears just like she'd let him do for her as well. And she'd given him the family he had never dared to hope he'd ever have. Everything he was he was because of her. Because she was his light.

To Hiccup, it felt like an eternity had passed while they'd been gazing at each other, the perfect moment indeed. It actually was just that, a moment. But a moment that mattered.

"Woah, mommy, you look like _beautiful_ ," Bran scuttled past him, undeniable awe on his tiny round face. "When I grow up I wanna marry you!" 

This earnest statement earned the boy general chuckling, and when he turned to look at the grinning people around him, Hiccup stepped toward him and leaned down to whisper into his ear.

"Sorry, bud, but she's taken," he said, ruffling through his son's hair, and took the last steps toward his bride. Astrid beamed at him, light amusement and sheer happiness dancing in her eyes as he lifted his hands to cup her face and kissed her with all the love he felt for her.

**. o O o .**

** Astrid **

Astrid sat on the backseat of their car, her wide skirt taking up all the space, and didn't let go of Hiccup's hand. He sat on the passenger seat in front of her with Fishlegs steering them toward _the lair_ , while Heather and the kids drove with Valka.

It was so weird how all their relationships had changed during the last years. Or _hadn't_ changed in some points. Hiccup had succeeded Valka as CEO about a year ago, but that hadn't changed much. It was still Heather who secretly ran Dragonite Engineering as a company while Hiccup spent most of his time planning out his projects. The representative part of his job had become more prominent though, and as a result, so had Astrid's. Not a fortnight passed without them attending one social event or another, but by now, those weren't so hard anymore. Especially the charity events were important to them. Both Hiccup and Astrid had come to know the darker sides of life, and now that they were in the lucky position to actually make a difference, they were both all too eager to help others. More than once, they'd organized fundraising galas of their own to support those in need, for disabled people on Hiccup's part and for sexually abused women and girls on Astrid's. If they had to be involuntary celebrities, they were at least determined to make the best of it. And the fact that it _served Dragonite Engineering's reputation_ as well, as Valka had once called it, was only secondary if even that.

It was good to have a small horde of potential babysitters though. Practically, Lissy had no problems watching over two sleeping toddlers on her own. But legally, she was still too young for that. Luckily, neither Valka nor Heather and Fishlegs minded accompanying her when their parents were out _._ Valka never got tired of helping Lissy with one of her school projects, and while Fishlegs probably spent most of his time at their Play Station, Heather actually got along very well with the girl. Only Odin knew what they could be talking about for hours…

Now truly being their superior hadn't changed Hiccup or their friendship. If anything, it had become even deeper during the past months when _Aunt_ Heather and _Uncle_ Fishlegs practically had become an additional part of the family. They fit in perfectly with Grandma Valka, even though Fishlegs still seemed to be afraid of her.

Astrid remembered well how only three and a half years ago, she and Hiccup had considered themselves without any family to speak of. And now, their family filled two big cars. The thought made her smile, her fingers twitching.

A change in pressure on her hand tore Astrid out of her memories, Hiccup squeezing her hand. He'd turned around in his seat as far as was possible to look at her. His emerald eyes were gleaming with the same joy she felt, too, his smile reassuring as always.

"Nervous?" he asked. 

But Astrid just shook her head and squeezed him back. "Why would I be?"

**. o O o .**

"This is kind of your thing, right?" Heather groaned and picked up Bran who was about to run off into the park. Again! "Arriving at weddings at the very last minute? At least this one can't start without you so everyone _has_ to wait until you're there. They can't simply start and hope you'll be there on time with the rings." 

Astrid poked her tongue out at her friend and Heather winked, handing Bran over to Lissy to get Brie's chocolate cake out of the trunk while Valka took her basket.

"Yeah, they are not the fastest sometimes…" Lissy mumbled.

Everyone had gotten a bit nervous over the last five minutes or so when the twins had jumped out of Valka's Range Rover the moment the door had opened and had started to play tag between the parked cars and on the adjacent lawn. Recapturing them had taken a while as always as the little devils were well versed in dodging hands by now. Everyone but Astrid, that was. Heather was right, after all, the registrar wouldn't start without them. And it wasn't like they were _really_ late… Just very... _punctual._ And luckily, they made it to the lifts and up to the roof without further incidents.

"Okay, Legs?" Heather's voice had gotten her usual commanding tone that kept everyone in check, even Brie and Bran occasionally. "You take the cake and bring it over to the kitchen staff. They'll know what to do with it. Valka, you have everything ready?" The older woman nodded at her former assistant with an amused smile and placed her basket on the floor.

"Yes, ma'am!" she affirmed, and handed the decorated flower basket to Brie while Bran got the small cushion with the loosely fastened rings.

"Okay... Lissy, you're keeping an eye on them?" Heather mock-glared at her little would-be niece and nephew, but that wasn't really necessary. The twins had become serious already, staying close to their older sister.

"Yeah, don't worry. They'll behave."

Astrid observed these last preparations from the background, Hiccup's arms firmly around her waist as he stood behind her, his warmth on her back all the reassurance she needed. It was strange. She’d expected to be jumpier in a way at this point, but she wasn't. On the contrary, she felt strangely relaxed, safe and secure in Hiccup's arms. He was there, there was nothing that could go wrong.

"Alright, I'll go and tell the registrar that you're ready. Wait for the signal." With these words, Heather followed Valka out into the open space of the roof garden, leaving the Haddocks behind.

 _The Haddocks_. That thought made Astrid's heart glow. The twins had gotten that name directly, saving paperwork and Lissy had decided to take on that name then as well. _Elisabeth_ was the name her mother had given her, she'd said, and she would keep it. But she was a _Haddock_ now, a part of her father's family. It was only fitting for her to take his name as well. And today, Astrid would officially become a _Haddock_ , too.

Maybe it wasn't really important. It was just a name, just a signature on a dusty piece of paper. It wouldn't really change anything, they were one family, they belonged together. And yet, it felt important to Astrid. Maybe because it was the last step of a long journey, the proof that, finally, they'd reached their goal to be one, in every sense. Or maybe it was just a breakpoint, an intermediate goal and now their next stage through life would truly begin.

Hiccup's arms around her tightened, drawing her in, and reflexively, she snuggled closer against his chest. His lips brushed her ear and she shuddered as his breath on her neck gave her goosebumps.

"I love you…" she murmured.

With a low chuckle, he turned her around in his embrace to look at her. "I love you, too," he replied, smiling. "We wouldn't be here if it were otherwise"

"True… I just feel like I can't say it often enough. I love you!"

Hiccup's eyes softened, a knowing gleam in them. He leaned forward to touch his lips to her forehead. "I love you, I love you, I love you…" he mumbled over and over against her skin.

Astrid chuckled at the tickling sensation, but before she could reply again, the first chords of a soft violin tune waved toward them. She took a step back, interlacing her fingers with his as they turned.

"That's our cue!" Lissy said and kneeled down in front of the twins. "You know what to do?" Two small heads nodded, a serious expression on their round faces before the three of them stepped out and onto the long carpet.

"Ready?" Hiccup asked, beaming at her and she nodded.

"Ready!"

Together hand in hand, they followed their children at a small distance. There had never been a question as to how this moment would occur. There was no _father of the bride_ to lead her toward her waiting groom and not just because her father couldn't be here anymore. Valka or Fishlegs could have taken over that part but it would have felt artificial somehow. Astrid had always been independent and made her own decisions, she didn't need anyone to _hand her over into the protection of someone else_. She had chosen him on her own accord, not because he protected her but because he supported her and strengthened her in every way.

And then…

Astrid and Hiccup had always made their way together. They'd learned to walk and to talk together when they'd been toddlers, they'd been to their first movie together as kids and had fallen in love with each other as teenagers. And even when separated for years, their thoughts had never left the other one. They'd come this far together, it was only natural that they would make this way together as well. And they would stay together until the end.

**. o O o .**

Later, much later, that day, Astrid sat on the vitreous balcony on one side of the roof garden. The walls, the floor and the small bench of this small gallery were made of safety glass, one of the alterations that had been made on her and Hiccup's request specifically. Not many dared to step onto it and look down the 50 floors into the deepness of _the lair_ but to them, it was nothing but exhilarating.

Somewhere behind her, the music of their wedding party shifted into another song, their guests laughing and dancing, but Astrid tuned them all out. It wasn't that she minded them in any way, she would join them again soon.

Valka had taken the kids home for their sleepover in her house some while ago, Brie and Bran still bouncing around from excitement and a sugar rush alike. They hadn't been the only little ones at their wedding. The invitation had made it clear this would be a family party and many others had brought their kids as well. But now, the younger ones were all gone, picked up by grandparents or babysitters. Now, this party turned into one of dancing and drinking, and although Astrid wasn't aversed to either, she just needed a small break.

She heard steps coming closer and smiled to herself. The ever so slightly uneven sound of them had told her already that it would be Hiccup.

"Mind if I join you here?" he asked, handing her a glass filled with a colourful cocktail. 

Astrid took a sip and smiled as she tasted coconut and mango with a hint of peach schnapps."Not at all,” she hummed. “I'd like to celebrate tonight, after all. Are you in?" she asked with a playful smile, repeating her own words from all those years ago.

Hiccup chuckled at her insinuation but played along. "Sure, why not. What do you have in mind?" he asked and took a big sip of his (alcohol-free) cocktail, staring at her intently over the edge of the glass.

Astrid scooted over on the small bench, clearing space so he could sit as well. "Do you like sushi?" she asked and on a whim's notice changed her position to sit sidewise on his lap.

She more felt than heard him humming beneath her, his arms closing around her in an instant, cradling her against his chest. "I don't know… I could give it a try, though," she heard him mumbling into her hair before they both began to laugh.

"Seriously though, I think there's still some sushi left," Hiccup said after a pause. "If you want I can bring you some."

She thought about it for a moment but then shook her head. She was satisfactorily full already, any more food would only become a nuisance later. Instead, she leaned her head against his shoulder, enjoying the moment while the music in the distance turned into a soft background tune and the DJ announced the next speech.

With a sigh, Hiccup nudged her up. "I think it's the mayor's turn," he said, and made attempts to lift her off his lap. "It probably would be a good idea to listen to that one. I should go and-"

Astrid placed a finger over his lips, efficiently silencing him and gazed down at him with an alluring smile.

"I don't want you to go" She breathed and caught the knowing gleam in his eyes before she leaned down and kissed him.

-The End -

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it now. I hope you enjoyed this story and this last epilogue. Some cute fluff and closure after all the angst. I hope you like Brie and Bran, Lissy's changes...  
> And I've got to say, it was wonderful for me to relive this story as I edited and posted it here. So a big thank you to those who kept reading and commenting, who kept my motivation up. :)


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